Dear Natasha

I found this letter in a box in our attic. Make of it what you will.

Dear Natasha, My zestful one,

It has been almost a year since I last set my browns on your beautiful pools of green and I still feel as pained to my very core as I did the day you walked out of my life. I know we had many ups and downs, but I still cannot connect the dots to really truly understand what actually went wrong. Was I a perfect man? No, I would never make such a ridiculous claim. If anything, I am always the first to point out my flaws, to a fault. The first time we met, if my memory serves me well, I introduced myself as the least successful person I knew. It made you laugh and I feel drew you to me. We did kiss at the end of that first date. So, I guess score me. The point is - I am an imperfect individual. But so, my dearest, darling, Tasha, are you. Remember the fight we had when you "accidentally" sold my most prized possession from my childhood, without so much of a mention to me. I still miss that Spice Girls Calender. It was signed, sealed and would have meant we had a wonderful honeymoon, not that we ever got to that stage anyway.

I miss how well your hand fits in mine, when we held hands. I miss how your breath smells in the morning. Kinda funky, but still you and still imperfectly pungent and entrancing. I miss the way you would lay your head on my shoulder at the end of the day, when we would share what happened while we were apart. It quickly became our ritual, even before we lived together. That brings back so many memories - the day we moved into together. Your ex turned up on the lawn like a lovesick puppy with a boombox above his head. Did he think he was John Cusack? Why did he think The Police was a romantic song...you know, the stalker song? We laughed all day about that and when we shared some Chinese food, do you remember we sang that song at the top of our voices. As a tribute to the one who got away.

It makes my heart hurt so much to know that you are now my "one that got away".

I know things were tough when we spent so much time apart due to me working two cities over and your studies intensifying. However, I always imagined we would be able to get through it all. I guess you put the final nail in the coffin when you slept with not just the milkman, but also the postwoman and the dogsitter (and their partner). Funnily enough, though you were not interested, I was willing to put in the work to make us a strong team again.

The night you pushed that Dear John through our letterbox to tell me you were moving and never wanted to see me again, I was ready to propose and had planned a huge trip and counselling with a top relationship expert.

Sadly, I waited and waited and it was only when our neighbour came round to help me finish that bottle of Tequila that sat in our cupboard and we ended up intertwined on the living room floor, that I saw you had posted the letter.

Wait...

Did you see us before you wrote the letter? I always thought you had already decided to end it when you were two hours late, but, maybe I've been wrong all this time.

I guess it won't matter tomorrow.

When I end it all.

All good things come to an end.

Because that's life.

Can't turn back the clock.

Don't forget I always loved you.

Even when we thought.

For all the good times and the bad times, I thank you.

Great things will come to you I am sure.

Happy life without me, Natasha.

Incase we never see each other again.

Just remember "you are my favourite"

Kills me to know we will never be.

Losing you was worse than any physical pain I've ever experienced

Maybe you will be better without me.

No doubt you will land on your feet.

Of course you will.

Please forgive yourself

Quit blaming yourself

Reap what you sow

Sow great things

The world is your oyster

Up is the way you will go

Visit as many countries as you can

We were great while we lasted

XXX

Yours Always

Mark

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Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: Yeah, so this is my second entry into Heather Hubler's fabulous "Write me a letter" challenge. Which you can find out more about here:

I took a different approach this time. It's not about my weirdness and self promotion and it's not directed at Heather.

You can also take a look at my other entry here:

For non-letter-challenge fun, check out this joyful little story:

For some thought-provoking ponderings:

You can also check out my profile for the rest of my work right here.