Dance of the Phoenix - Ch2

I settled effortlessly into my new life. The people of Franklin are some of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. They cared, but did it without being overly pushy or nosey. If you didn’t want to talk about something, they would let it be. If you wanted to be alone, they would leave you alone. It was perfect. After only a few weeks, I began to feel much better than I had felt in a long time. My strength and energy returned, I slept a full eight hours every night, the chatter that constantly invaded my head calmed to a barely audible whisper, and I was getting reacquainted with happiness. The open wound festering in my soul began to close and become refreshingly numb. I knew, though, that it would not close completely until I found the missing piece. How I wished I had known to come here sooner rather than wasting four years searching for a cure to an elusive illness. Although, I probably hadn’t been ready. I had grown up a lot in those four years. Sometimes I felt more like I was seventy-two rather than twenty-seven. Thankfully, I was starting to feel physically younger again, but mentally I would never be the same. I had matured in a way that only happens when you go through something difficult. It was harder, now, for me to relate to people, especially people my own age; which was one reason why I had stuck to myself at first, taking long, solitary walks in the forest, always searching for the enigmatic answer which I desperately longed to find.

Quite quickly, I’d managed to pick up an easy job in a small, friendly coffee house, and everything was going smoother than I could have hoped or imagined. The dreams continued to plague me, only they were different now. Something still called to me, but it was no longer the forest itself. It was something within the forest. The dreams never revealed what it was, always keeping it just out of reach, and whenever I thought I was about to catch a glimpse, I would wake up. It was extremely frustrating. At least I had the coffee house to distract me. I was even starting to make a few friends. As for my studies, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick up where I had left off. Dancing was emotional. For me, it was a way to release pent up feelings, a way to vent and express myself in ways that words never could. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that just yet. I wasn’t sure if my knee could either. Thankfully, the surgery had gone well and my knee functioned normally, yet I was still terrified to try and dance again. I didn’t want to fail but I wasn’t sure I wanted to succeed either. Success meant expectations and pressure. So, I decided to just leave it alone for the time being. I even avoided music as much as I could, which was difficult. I loved music and had - and still have - a very broad taste from reggae to rock. There was always a song, waiting for me to find, that could relate to my own personal situations, and it grew within me a spiritual connection to both dance and music. When I would listen to a song or a piece of music, it felt like I was listening to the artist’s soul as well as my own. Then, those emotions behind the music – the passion, the sorrow, the joy, the heartache – became too much for me. They made me feel as though I was drowning in a bottomless ocean that I would never swim my way out of and so, sadly, I started trying to avoid it. Since coming here however, I learned to somewhat block this sensitivity of mine. Well, perhaps block is not the appropriate word. More like cope; like I had grown bigger on the inside with more space to put everything I felt. I was also learning how to single out a specific emotion from the swarm, to differentiate between people and animals and from person to person. It was encouraging, giving me hope that one day I would be able to carry this with ease.

“So, do you want to come?”

I blinked. “Huh?” I shook myself out of my ruminations and focused on the source of the voice; Angie, one of the waitresses.

Angie was lovely. She was only a few years older than me and had this completely laid-back way about her that made anyone feel relaxed, comfortable in her presence. I liked her immediately, though I still kept my distance. Getting close to people scared me. Everyone back in Miami had left and I was petrified of that same thing happening again. Making friends had not been part of my plan when I chose to move here. In fact, I had thought I would be much better off alone. It would certainly be more peaceful. Then I’d met Angie, and she slowly inched her way into my heart without even really trying. I had to admit, it was nice having someone to talk to. She was genuine. She wasn’t trying to be somebody she wasn’t. Not like the people I had thought were my friends in Miami.

“The party tomorrow night?” Angie prompted. “Do you want to come? We can go together of course.” She smiled at me, aware of my reticence.

“Oh, right! I had completely forgotten about that.”

Angie rolled her eyes. “Why does that not surprise me?”

I shrugged my shoulders innocently. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Sure,” Angie scoffed. “I swear you are living in another world sometimes,” she said, nudging me fondly.

Another world. Why did that set bells ringing in my head and a flag waving frantically, trying to grab my attention? An intense shock ran through my body. I felt like I should know something – something I had known all my life and had forgotten. The wound inside me gave a tumultuous shudder, sensing I was drawing nearer to the cure, the soothing balm that would make it whole. I gasped sharply as the bells picked up their tempo and volume, crashing painfully inside my skull. It was all I could do to not clap my hands over my ears.

“I… um…” I could hardly hear myself speak.

Angie’s green eyes were brimming with concern as she peered at me. “Eirwin? Are you alright?”

I took a deep breath to try and clear my head. I wanted nothing more than to run into the forest, to lose myself among the trees where it would be blissfully quiet. A map formed itself in my mind; a perfect picture of the layout of the forest with a clear-cut line tracing a path into its very heart, further than I had ever ventured. It took all my willpower to keep my legs standing still instead of letting them whisk me away. Where did that path lead?

“Eirwin?” Angie’s concern was growing rapidly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“N… Nothing,” I managed to say. As I spoke, the din in my head retreated, becoming more of a background noise. The map was burned into my memory, waiting there patiently until I could follow it. “Sorry,” I stammered, glancing sheepishly at Angie. “I… I have dizzy spells sometimes. It’s nothing. I used to get them a lot more but they’re not as bad now.” It was a weak cover story but it would have to do. Besides, it wasn’t exactly a lie.

“Do you need me to take you to Doc?”

“No. No, I’ll be alright.”

Angie frowned, not quite believing me. “Did you eat breakfast? Maybe your blood sugar dropped.”

“Yes,” I answered. I rarely skipped meals anymore. I was enjoying getting reacquainted with food and had managed to put on some weight, no longer looking like a flesh-coloured skeleton. “It’s just something that happens every now and then. Low blood pressure, I think. I’m fine,” I added in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.

Angie pursed her lips a moment. “Ok. I’ll leave it be for now. Just promise me that if it gets worse, you will let me take you to see Doc.”

I nodded in acquiescence, relieved to be let off the hook.

“So,” said Angie, picking up where she had left off. “Do you want to come to the party?”

“Remind me what it is?”

“A bunch of us are heading out to Standing Indian Picnic Grounds. There was supposed to be a fire and marshmallows, but in this weather… Phew!” She wiped a hand dramatically across her forehead. “Anyway, there will be music, alcohol, and…” she paused with a smirk, “you can check out some of the local scenery.”

“Cool. It’s so pretty here I could never get enough of the scenery.”

Angie rolled her eyes again. “My gosh, Eirwin. You can be so dense sometimes. I mean the male scenery. A new girl like you will draw plenty of attention.” She grinned and winked.

“Oh. I’m not really interested in anything like that right now. I’m sort of trying to rediscover myself first.” I gulped, realizing I had just revealed something personal.

Angie took it in stride, ignoring my obvious tension. “That’s fair enough. Doesn’t stop you from being able to have a browse at what’s available, you know, for future reference.”

I smiled. She was right. What harm could it do to have a peek? It had been so long since I’d had a girlfriend to giggle over silly things with, and I did need to start broadening my horizons. I was quite comfortable and cozy where I was but it wasn’t moving me forward. It was time to be brave and dip my toes in the deep end.

“I’ll be there.”

Angie’s plump lips stretched into a beaming smile. “Awesome! It’s going to be so much fun! We’ll figure out the details later. We better get back to work or Bernie will pop a vein.”

I was on the morning shift and it was still early on what was promising to be a beautiful winter’s day. As Fall had transitioned into Winter, the heat had not subsided. It should have been impossible for Franklin to have these temperatures at this time of year, and yet here we were. Everyone was grumbling about global warming and climate change. All valid points; although was that really the cause? For some reason, I felt like the weather and I were connected. While the heat chased some of the internal chill away, I could still feel it, like ice running in the deep currents of my blood and bones. How could the weather be dependent on a person? It was a foolish thought, hedonistic, and I tried to dismiss it; only it clung to me, sticking like glue. I couldn’t shake it no matter how ridiculous I told myself it was.

As if she had heard Angie’s and my conversation, Bernice appeared in front of us. “Having a nice chat, ladies?”

Bernice and her husband Mark were the owners of this little café and though both were wonderful people, they ran a tight ship and wouldn’t let anyone get away with being lazy; which was fair enough. They were running a business after all.

“Sorry, Bernie,” I volunteered. “It was my fault. I just had a little dizzy spell but I’m all good now.”

Bernie frowned. “Do you need to see Doc?”

“I already suggested that,” Angie cut in. “But she says she is fine now.”

Bernie looked at me, eyebrows raised in question.

“I really am alright. If it gets any worse, I will be sure to tell you.”

“You’d better,” she demanded, pointing a finger at me.

I made the cross sign over my heart. “Cross my heart.”

She sighed and patted my face. “I worry about you, kiddo. Don’t push yourself, ok, and get something cold to drink. This blasted heat will be the death of us all,” she groused.

I smiled at how lucky I was to have found such wonderful people. “Thanks, Bernie.”

With that, she gave a firm nod and shooed us off back to work.

The café was always busy and the rest of my shift passed by quickly. When it came time to finish, I flew out the door, calling my goodbyes as I went. I couldn’t wait to head into the forest and I had all afternoon to explore. Discarding my work clothes, I threw on a comfortable pair of soft denim shorts, tugged on a loose tank, laced up my walking shoes and threaded my thick, white-blonde braid through the back of a cap. People always assumed my hair was dyed and they were quite surprised when I told them it was natural. I would never dream of dying my hair. I absolutely loved the colour. It made me unique and if I dyed it, I wouldn’t be me anymore. Grabbing a bottle of water and a snack, I was ready.

The forest welcomed me with open arms and my body tingled as I stepped into the shade of the cedar trees. I savored the air for a moment then let my restless legs take over. On autopilot, they carried me onwards for a good hour, heedless of the heat as they followed the map still filling my mind’s eye. I could have worn a blindfold and my legs would have continued walking, always drawing me nearer to this mysterious destination. Logic and reason told me I should be afraid, while curiosity had me ambitious, excited, and a touch impertinent. Hours drifted by and still I walked, unaware of the dimming light. Without warning, I stopped short of crossing a shallow stream. The bells were tolling in my head again and I had the distinct feeling I was being watched. A shiver made its way along my spine. I stood still, warily scanning my surrounds.

“Hello?”

Only the gentle breeze answered my call. Even the birds had fallen silent, a reverent silence as though they knew they were in the presence of something sovereign and majestic. The vibrations in the air were tangible and my hairs stood on end, goosebumps coating my skin from head to toe.

“Is someone there?” I ventured in a hushed voice.

This time, it was more than the wind that answered. From behind, I heard a snuffling sound followed by a soft, low growl. My eyes widened in fright. Ever so carefully, I turned around and faced what I had already suspected would be there. A large bear stood about twenty feet away with beady eyes locked straight on me. Frantically, I searched my brain for what I was supposed to do in this situation. Before I moved here, I had made sure to thoroughly educate myself on what to do in the case of a bear encounter.

No sudden moves.

Right. Don’t move. Check. What else was there? Yes, that’s right. Identify the bear. There was no doubting that it was a grizzly bear. Briefly, I berated myself for not investing in some bear spray, but I knew I could never use it. I sure wouldn’t appreciate being sprayed in the face with pepper spray. No one would. So why should I subject a bear to that fate? In my opinion, it was just cruel. I remained still and tried to appear outwardly calm. This bear didn’t look like it was going to attack me. My brain recalled another piece of advice: stay calm and speak passively.

“Hey there,” I said, amazed when my voice didn’t tremble.

Oddly, I came to the realization that I was no longer afraid. Had I gone insane? Stranger still, my legs began to work again, moving me step by small step closer to the bear. The bear dropped to all fours and mirrored my movement until we were nose to nose. I was in awe. This kind of thing just didn’t happen in the wild! Cautiously, the bear began to sniff at my face, my hair, my clothes and then, the biggest shock came when it pushed its head into my hand! I stroked the fur on its face and the bear let out a contented growl. Time seemed to stop as the bear and I got to know each other. It was utterly surreal. I didn’t know if it had been five minutes or fifty when the bear finally decided to take leave. I watched it amble away and disappear among the trees. My heart felt so full it could burst. There had been a connection between the bear and I, that of two kindred spirits. The bear was out of sight now, yet the sensation of being watched remained. Something else was still out there watching me and I got the sense that it was close by. At that moment I noticed the lack of daylight and checked my watch. Shit! Only an hour till the sun is gone! There was no way to tell how far I had come, though I figured I should be able to ascertain easily enough which direction I had to go. I’d barely taken two steps when I heard a voice behind me.

“Hello.”

My heart leapt in my chest as I spun around. People could be far more dangerous than bears and not only was I alone, I hadn’t told anybody where I was headed either. Idiot!

“Are you alright? You seem lost?”

This was who had been watching me. I knew it without knowing how – and the sight left me stunned. It was a man, and undoubtedly the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was so elegant that I found myself wondering if he was even human. No human male could look like that, surely, and despite the gathering darkness, I could still see him clearly. I shouldn’t have been able to tell that his eyes were warm, liquid amber, or that his face was smooth, unmarred by blemish or wrinkle. His hair was the blazing colour of fire and cascaded past his shoulders in a satin waterfall. As I faced him with nervous uncertainty, his face filled with wonder and a profound joy emanated from him. He seemed to glow as he smiled at me – a slow, gentle smile. Transfixed, I swallowed around the lump that had formed in my throat, my mouth suddenly dry. I wasn’t sure if it was from fear or lust. There was something about this man that hinted at power, that made me want to throw myself at him and submit to his sweet torture. Tall and broad, his muscular physique gave off the sharp impression of strength and agility; a skilled predator, and I was his prey. The way he looked at me, so intense and confident, dismissed any chance I had of escaping. As I stared at him, wide eyed, I felt two things happen simultaneously. The air grew noticeably sharper and crisper, until it was the way it should be in winter. Secondly, as I shivered in the abrupt cold, my soul convulsed in an almost painful spasm. In contrast to the frigid air, the aching chill trapped in my body dissipated, replaced with warmth, and the open wound that had been waiting patiently for healing gave a great sigh that traveled up my throat and through my parted lips. The man watched me attentively and his gaze darkened with seductive promises. My heart began to pound and my breath quickened in anticipation, fear melting away in broiling, rising lust. What was happening to me? He took a graceful, languid step towards me, never taking his eyes off mine. My own feet responded, taking a shaky step towards him, and my insides churned like a washing machine. I felt like my body wanted to turn itself inside out and I could hardly stand under the assault. Strangely, it was not an entirely unpleasant feeling. We continued to take slow, careful steps towards each other until we were inches apart. He was even more beautiful up close. I gave a start when he reached out a hand to caress my cheek.

“I found you,” he whispered.

“What…” I began to ask what he was talking about only to be halted by his lips covering mine in a fervent, concupiscent kiss.

His hands moved down, coming to rest on each side of my waist, pulling me closer. It was like something else – or someone else – took over my body. I was no longer in charge as I pressed myself to him and met his kiss with equal passion. Half of me was screaming, demanding to know what was happening and why I was allowing this incursion, this violation of my body. The other part was completely lost, reveling in this fast and furious intimacy. It was as though summer had come at last to melt my icy heart and I relished the warmth, clutching at his arms still encircling my waist. Eventually, rationality returned and I pushed the man away, moving several paces back. The man blinked, obviously surprised and a little taken aback at my sudden resistance.

“What the hell am I doing?” I exclaimed. “I don’t even know you!” Fighting to breathe, I could sense the anxiety rising profusely. If I didn’t calm down, I would fall into an all-out panic attack. Every inch of my body wanted to throw itself back into this man’s arms, back into the flaming passion. Gritting my teeth against the tenacious desire and the returned familiar chill, I closed my eyes, scrabbling to regain control. When I opened them again, he was watching me with a troubled expression. “Who… who are you?” I managed to ask.

His expression went from troubled concern to one of pain. “You… you do not know me?”

I shook my head. “I’ve never seen you before in my life.” Anger pushed to the surface now and I planted my fists on my hips, glaring at him. “Who the hell do you think you are?” I yelled. “Catching a woman alone in the forest and thinking you can just have your way with her! You’re a freak! A sick freak!” My words shocked even myself. This was the old me talking, the me before I had gotten sick; the me that was bold and brave. I drew myself up and continued to glare at him defiantly.

He winced as if my words were physically hurting him, and his eyes implored me to stop. “Leira…” He said softly.

Leira?

“Argh!” I grabbed my head. “Argh! Why does it hurt?” My legs crumpled and I started to fall.

The man leapt forward, catching me before I hit the ground. On the edge of consciousness, I gazed up into his beautiful face. Why did my heart ache so sweetly? I was sure I didn’t know this man. Wasn’t I?

“Who…?” The question was cut short as my vision went black and my body limp.

Continue reading chapter three here: