Crazy Like Me

“He refuses to speak to anyone else,” Dr. Thomas stood in front of Harleen, arms folded in disapproval as he spoke.

“I already told you, I can’t treat him, there’s history there that would make me biased. He knows too much already, it’s not safe,” Harleen stood firm, her right hand was planted on her desk holding her up. Dr. Thomas couldn’t tell it was the only thing keeping her from shaking at the idea of the request.

“This isn’t a request. It’s this or your job.” The words were cold and like a slap in the face.

Harleen dropped back into her seat, covering her face with her hands. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She had been avoiding certain parts of the asylum since he had been committed, and now she was wondering if she shouldn’t have just left the job altogether. The problem was she couldn’t find work anywhere else right now, at least not that would pay her this well. And she had student loans that needed paid off, she couldn’t afford a pay cut.

There was also the reality of her morbid curiosity. This was an opportunity that was hard to pass up. She was just afraid of what it would do to her in the process.

“Fine,” she said begrudgingly. “When do I start?”

“You have 15 minutes before your first session.”

“He’ll be chained,” she asked nervously.

“Yes. Please arrive promptly to Room 3 in the East Wing.”

The bright side to only having 15 minutes to prepare was that she didn’t have much time to sit and worry about what could go wrong. She’d leave that for the following days. As Harleen gathered her things she started the walk towards the East Wing. Her black boots clicked against the linoleum floors and she could hear her checkered skirt swish with each step.

As she walked she counted backwards from 50 in French to slow her mind. She couldn’t afford to walk in looking frazzled. He would cling to any weaknesses she was showing. Once she was outside the door she took another breath, quickly counted backwards again and turned the door knob.

The room was dim and mostly empty save for a table in the middle with two chairs and some bookshelves along the walls. The windows were barred and grimy, although the island was almost always rainy anyways, so there wasn’t much to see outside. Sitting at one of the chairs was Jaxson, although no one knew that name save for the man in the room and Harleen, to the rest of the world now he was the Joker.

Jaxson’s head shot up as the door clicked shut and he followed Harleen’s every step until she sat gingerly in the seat across from him. She settled her paperwork on the table along with a tape recorder. She went to hit the record button.

“You haven’t told them my name,” Jaxson said before she could hit record. Her finger paused above the button.

“It’s not for your sake,” she glared at him and immediately wished she hadn’t said a word. This gave him leverage over her, their past. She went to push the button again.

“Do you really think recording these sessions is such a good idea,” he asked with a smirk, leaning forward.

“What do you mean?”

“I just wonder if you want all of those intimate details to be available to the police, your colleagues, the super justice freaks,” he drawled.

Harleen hesitated. She knew this was what he wanted when she sat down, the recorder off. This would give him a chance to get into her head, open the door for more intimate conversation, their history. If she left the recorder on he wouldn’t risk giving away his true identity. At least that was what she had hoped.

“I see the wheels in your head turning Harley,” he interrupted, “leave it off, turn it on, makes no difference to me. At the end of the day, I will only speak with you. And I will speak about us,” he leaned further forward, the chains pulling taught against his wrists and echoing in the room. Harleen jumped back and Jaxson barked out a laugh.

“Didn’t mean to scare you there, doll,” he chuckled as he leaned back in the chair.

“You know you did. You always know your intent. Just like your intent was to make sure I didn’t turn on the recorder. I don’t appreciate you playing games with me Jaxson.” Harleen replied as she set the recorder aside, leaving it turned off. “I don’t appreciate being dragged here against my will either, and”

“Oh, Harley, sweetie,” Jaxson interrupted, “coming here was not against your will. You had a choice. It was this or lose your job and you chose to come here. So don’t tell me that I made you do anything here. I have always given you a choice.”

Harleen laughed bitterly and met Jaxson’s eyes. “You and I both know that is not true.”

Jaxson leaned back, his mouth formed an ‘O’. “Even then you had a choice. You chose to fight me. You chose to say no to me,” he reasoned.

“And you chose to take away my choice.” Harleen growled.

“So you chose to get rid of our child,” Jaxson growled back.

“There was no child, there is no child. There never should have been and never should be one. You are toxic and together we are destructive.” Harleen’s voice wavered because there was more to that story. There was no child with Jaxson, but there would have been a child with Drake, until the other Jack’s beat her half to death. She took a deep breath.

“It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re in here and we’re here to talk about treatment options. I’m not here to relive the past.” Harleen said in her most clinical voice.

“Oh but you are. And I won’t be here long doll, don’t you worry your pretty little head on that. And when I am out, you’ll be right back at my side, where you belong.” The words were threatening and as much as she wished they were unrealistic, Harleen knew that it was realistic.

“What makes you so sure that I would ever be back at your side,” she asked.

“We have plenty of time to talk about us, that’s all I want.”

“You want destruction and murder and terrible things. I’m only a pawn in your schemes for domination or destruction. I was never anything to you. Drake cared more about me than you ever did.” His name fell from her lips before she could help it.

The shackles clanged as they were pulled taut again, Jaxson strained against them. “Drake was a backstabbing asshole who deserved what he got in the end.”

“You set that in motion when you sent me to him. Don’t play like you didn’t treat me like a toy to be passed around to your boys. You can’t blame Drake for treating me better than you did. And you can’t blame me for loving him for it.” The words just wouldn’t stop now. She was reacting, this was exactly what he wanted and she couldn’t stop it.

“I don’t blame you, I blame Drake for not knowing his place. I blame myself for not giving you what you needed. But Harley, doll face, I’m in here because I was trying to do it all without you. I am a mess without you.”

Harleen’s seat scraped back as she stood up. Her right hand went up to her face and she hesitated a moment before dropping it back. She took a shaky breath and turned away from Jaxson stepping towards the windows. Drake’s face was practically stapled to the inside of her eyelids and she couldn’t shake it from her thoughts. His dead and mangled body was flashing through her mind.

She could feel her heart start to race and her breathing was going to turn shallow if she didn’t get this under control and quickly. She tried to count, but as she counted backwards each number was a different scene from her past. She tried to focus on the good memories and finally she found solace for a brief moment on different sparring techniques she’d learned. She walked through them until the rest fell away.

“Harley,” Jaxson’s voice boomed bringing her back from her thoughts.

The room came back to her slowly as she turned back to face him. “I don’t want this life with you, I can’t keep doing this.” Her voice was cold as she crossed her arms.

“This is still about Drake,” Jaxson said slowly. “You loved him,”

“This is about me. And were you unchained, or were we in a different situation I know that I would not be able to walk out of this room. You’ve already settled whatever score you had with Drake and you can’t kill him a second time. There’s nowhere left for your anger to fall but on me. Let me go. Do the right thing, for once in your God damned life and just let me go.” She wasn’t sure why she was begging him for this. Maybe because he was holding her job in his hands, maybe some part of her needed him to let go so she could move on.

“I will take you with me to the grave, that’s what I promised you. And what are we without our word?” His smile was cruel.

“You will lead me to my grave is more like it.” Harleen grumbled. There was no winning this battle with him. There was no escaping. He found her everywhere she went.