Conditions and Exclusions

“Come in, come in, Mr. Pigs,” the man gestured to the three pigs to come into his office from the waiting room. “My name is Simmons Arlington and I will be the agent handling your claim for Fableside Insurance.”

The three little pigs nervously entered the lavish office and took a seat in the chairs spread out in front of the desk as the well dressed agent walked around the ornate wooden desk and sank into the plush leather chair behind it.

Simmons opened up the file folder laying on the desk and perused it before he began to speak, “To keep within the terminology that you took out the policy out in, I shall refer to you in accordance henceforth as Little Pig One, Little Pig Two, and Little Pig Three.”

The little pig seated in the middle spoke up, “Mr. Arlington, I thought this meeting was just a formality to us picking up our claim checks.” The other two pigs nodded in agreement. “I had structural damage to my chimney caused by that wolf crawling down it, that’s going to cost a fortune for me to repair.”

The insurance agent eyed the trio as he spoke, “After reviewing the statements you made and interviewing the witness to all three claims I am left with some need for clarification.”

The three little pigs began to shift involuntarily in their chairs. The pig seated on the left spoke up, “Witness?”

“Yes, witness,” Simmons replied, “I have spoken with a Mr. Wolf about the circumstances that occurred involving your claims and found some inconsistencies with your own statements.”

The agent let that set before he started back in, “Let’s start with the claim by Little Pig One. You said that you had constructed your house out of straw and that the individual you referred to as ‘The Big Bad Wolf’ blew down your house.”

“That is correct,” the pig seated on the left chimed in, “it was a total loss. The entire structure collapsed and none of my household property was recoverable.”

“Hmmm,” Simmons intoned as he read silently over the folders contents. “I am afraid Mr. Pig One that your claim for damages is being denied.”

Little Pig One was aghast, “Denied! On what grounds?”

“Based on the Conditions and Exclusions of the homeowners policy you agreed to,” the agent shot back. “The house you built was made of straw and as such not included for damages made by wind.”

“Wind? Wind?” Little Pig One was growing incensed.

“Yes, wind,” Simmons answered. “According to the witness, Mr. Wolf, he was passing by your straw home when a strong gust of wind blew through the area and leveled your home. He, himself, was even knocked over by this rogue gust of wind.”

The pig seated to the right spoke, “There was no wind, just a deranged wolf who wanted…”

Simmons interrupted the pig, “Ah, Little Pig Two, that brings us to your claim for the destruction of your stick home. Curiously you claimed it was destroyed in a manner similar to your brother's straw home.”

Pig Two was instantly on the defensive, “Claimed? That’s how it happened. The Wolf walked up to my house bragging about what he did to my brother's house and saying that I was next if I didn’t open up. When I didn’t comply he huffed and puffed and he blew my house in.”

“Again, we have to take a look back at the Conditions and Exclusions of your homeowners policy,” Simmons said pointing down at the papers in the folder. “Your policy did cover wind damage, but you failed to take out the rider for earthquake damage.”

Pig Two rocketed from his chair, “There was no earthquake. That wolf destroyed my home and everything in it.”

“I understand that is what you stated in your claim, but we are going to go with the witness statement again here. The wolf as a third party, and as such has no stake in the outcome, testified that as he passed by your stick home an earthquake brought down your house as he put it ‘like a house of matchsticks’. He further stated that the earthquake was verified by his cousin on his homemade seismograph. Based on the facts gathered in the investigation your policy claim is denied.”

“This is absolutely ridiculous,” Little Pig Two began to squeal.

“Hold on brother,” the pig in the middle placed a hoof on his brother's leg. “Mr. Arlington, both of your denials to my brother's claims seem to be primarily based on the word of this wolf.”

The insurance agent nodded in agreement.

Little Pig Three picked back up, “How are you taking the word of this wolf who was attempting all along to break into our houses. How does the word of this crook mean anything at all. Afterall, he did crawl down my chimney in an attempt to break in after he couldn’t blow down my house. Only the fact that I had a pot on in the fireplace kept him from gaining access to rob us or kill us or whatever that depraved wolf had in mind”

Simmons leaned back in his chair, “And now, Mr. Pig Three, we come to your claim. Your house wasn’t destroyed, but you did file a very substantial claim for damages to your fireplace caused by Mr. Wolf.”

Pig Three cut in, “Damages caused when he attempted to break into my house.”

Simmons pushed a business card across his desk into the view of Little Pig Three. “As you can see Mr. Wolf is a certified damage specialist licensed and bonded with the county. After the earthquake struck so close to your own home he was concerned there had been damage to your chimney and as a good samaritan climbed onto your roof to take a lookout for your safety.”

Little Pig Three scoffed, “Then how did he end up down my chimney?”

“That, Mr. Pig Three, is an entirely different problem. When you built your house you failed to install a chimney cap, which would have prevented Mr. Wolf from inadvertently falling down your chimney, that, I am afraid, in your Conditions and Exclusions of your policy would exclude you from a payout.”

The three pigs sat in stunned silence.

“One other thing, Mr. Wolf has filed a lawsuit against your homeowners policy for negligence. We have settled out of court with him for one million dollars, so I’m afraid you will see a rate increase in your next statement.”