Chasing Waterfalls

The undergrowth was growing thicker around me. Twigs and leafs were jammed in my hair. My heels were finding it more difficult to navigate the moss covered rocks underfoot. Okay, maybe this wasn't the smartest of ideas. I'm sure I could have found a path if I had looked for one. I was feeling my positive, adventurous energy drain away as the negative thoughts grew louder and more intrusive. What are you doing here Jane? You've completely lost the plot. What kind of grown woman does this? I suddenly felt my foot slip and my balance dissolved entirely. My hand automatically reached out to find support but instead found itself grasped tightly around a thorny branch that shredded my delicate skin. My ankle twisted under the weight of my body and I found myself on the ground, bleeding from my palm with a searing pain in my right foot.

The scream escaped my lips before I was even aware of it. It was the kind of scream that released over a decade of tension, pain, grief and stress. I screamed until my lungs were empty and the noise was replaced with uncontrollable sobbing. What had I been thinking? Running away from work to have some magical adventure in the forest? I hadn't even been out of the car 30 minutes. "Look at the state of you Jane. You're a mess" I said aloud. Now I was talking to myself. This is clearly some kind of mid life crisis. That thought was terrifying. Am I at midlife? No. Im not going to die at 66. But even if I live to 100, that means I'll be at midlife in 20 years. Is that right? I cant even do basic maths right now, that's how useless I am. What was I thinking?

I put my head into my hands, having momentarily forgotten I still had protruding thorns and blood oozing out. The sharp scratch on my cheek was enough to stop the harsh dialogue of anxiety and criticism inside my head. I'm quite certain the critical voice is actually my mother's. I'm sure she had been telling me what was wrong with me before I was even born. Where is mine? I calmly removed the thorns from my hard, wincing with pain as each one came out. Thankfully they removed easily and I was able to avoid getting blood on my jacket. "Always find something to be grateful for, child". Those were my Grandmother Lily's words. Whenever she found me in despair as a teenager she would comfort me with warm tea and these words of wisdom. It seemed I had forgotten them until this moment.

I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. The noise inside my own head was exhausting me. I needed to find a moment of calm. Breathing deeply and slowly, I was reminded that I just need to exhale fully and the inhale would take care of itself. Gathering myself back together physically, mentally and emotionally, I rotated my wounded ankle to find that it wasn't in too much pain. Thank goodness! My adventure would definitely have been quickly over if I couldn't walk!

I looked up and began to carefully plan my next steps through the thicket. I brought myself to my feet again, this time more cautious of the yellow flowers with thorny branches that surrounded me. "Bad flowers" I said to them aloud, just as a stroppy toddler would. I stepped carefully, wary of having another fall and subsequent meltdown. I was unaware of the time but it felt like another half hour or so passed by before the undergrowth began to thin out. The sound of cascading water was now the only thing I could hear and my next glance up told me that I had finally arrived.

I was standing before a waterfall that must have been over 60ft high. Water cascaded down from the giant rocks above, crashing with great force into the lagoon below. It was utterly breathtaking. I felt the corners of my lips upturn with a smile that melted its way to both my eyes and heart. Even from this distance I could feel the coolness of the misted water in the air. Stumbling out of the bushes and brushing down my now ridiculously twiggy, leafy coat, I couldn't take my eyes off the water. I was literally inside one of those instagram posts that everyone wants to be photographing. But I was here. Me. Like, actually here. I wasn't in bed scrolling on instagram. I was in the outside world - and it was beautiful.

The water looked so very inviting. I had never been skinny dipping before, but it was the first thing that came into mind. It was something I had always wanted to do; to be totally free in nature but the opportunity hadn't presented itself; until now! My brain instantly found around 30 reasons why I shouldn't go in. Actually, some were quite sensible reasons - like the fact the air was around 11ºC, the water would be barely above freezing and I had no towel with me. But you know what? Today was the day for saying yes to everything. This was my adventure day, after all. Before I could change my mind, I began removing my boots and quickly stripped down to my underwear. I questioned whether or not to remove them, but of course yes! I giggled to myself as I felt the cold air hit my most private parts. I don't think they had felt the outside air since I was a small child!

I started to edge myself into the pool before me. I knew it would be cold, but the shock of the water hitting my toes still made me gasp out loud. "You can do this, Jane. Everything you want is on the other side of fear. No pain, no gain as they say. Aarghhh!" When the water reached the small of my stomach I let out a noise I've never heard myself make. When it reached my ribcage I lost my breath completely. It was utterly freezing. I quickly began treading water in the hope that movement would warm me. I began to swim towards the waterfall, thinking to feel its power, swim back and return quickly to the car.

The sensations in my body were unlike any I had previously felt. My bright red skin was starting to become so cold it felt strangely warm. My thighs had gone completely numb, perhaps I only felt warm because I couldn't feel at all?! I recalled an article I wrote for the magazine a few months back on cold water therapy and its immense benefits, so surely 5 minutes in this pool wouldn't kill me? My brain also reminded me of an article on a woman who lost a toe to frostbite after a night out in Edinburgh (going from pub to pub in the snow and sandals). I shook my head no. This is more like cold water therapy than frostbite. Besides, my story was not going to end with me getting frostbite today! Surely that was not on the cards!

I couldn't bring myself to put my head under the water. Wet and cold hair in the winter is the worst. Feeling that I had been plenty brave and adventurous enough I began to swim back in the direction of my clothes.

"Aaaaaargh... What the..." I screeched. As I looked up from the water there was a man just meters from me.

'It's okay, it's okay.... I'm so sorry.... I didn't realise..." he soothed in a tone that somehow conveyed he was not about to attack me. A wry smile crossed his face as his gaze trailed to my abandoned clothes discarded underwear. I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

"I heard screaming so I came to investigate". He was trying but he couldn't hide his little boy smile at my predicament.

"I need to get out of this pool, I'm frozen" I said as I felt flooded with embarrassment of my nakedness.

"Oh, yes. Of course. Sorry." He flashed me a dazzling smile before turning his back to me. "I promise not to peak." he reassured. "I'm Mark by the way, Mark Jacob."

I pulled myself out of the water, with my mind racing. This man was ridiculously attractive. He had the kind of hair that belonged on Orlando Bloom in that pirate movie. What was he doing here?


"And you are...?" I could hear his smile in his words as he spoke.

"Sorry. Jane. My name is Jane."

"Nice to meet you, Jane." He paused for a moment, then began hesitantly "Listen, my house is a 10 minute walk from here. I've got a wood fire going and you are welcome to come warm up if you want to. I can make us a coffee while you can maybe tell me the story of how you came to be naked on my land" he teased. "And if that isn't enough to entice you into my sanctuary, I also have a freshly baked chocolate cake. Baking has kind of been my thing since lockdown began..."

I was completely thrown by this situation but there was something utterly magnetic about him. It cut through any lingering fear or embarrassment I had. I was drawn to him is a way that couldn't be logically explained. "I would love to" I blurted, my hands numb and struggling to adjust the zipper on my skirt. Once I had dressed, we walked the short distance through the trees before coming upon the most beautiful log cabin I had ever seen. Yet another instagram worthy moment in time. Except my fingers were so numb that they probably couldn't work my phone if they tried.

"This is home... come, I have a fire lit in the barn. I was just about to sit down to cake when I heard you screaming in the woods and my hero instinct took over" he winked at me in the cutest way. His smile, his eyes, his voice had me enthralled. We entered the barn and I was instantly hit by the immense heat of the wood burner. I removed my jacket and twirled in front of it to feel the heat on every part of me as quickly as possible. Once I felt the blood circulate around my body again, my eyes fell upon the slice of chocolate cake on the table.

"That looks divine!" I said, looking at Mark so he could see the appreciation in my eyes.

"Please, taste it. I'm genuinely excited to share this with another human being. An unexpected stranger is actually even more exciting! Since COVID I haven't had many friends able to visit so I started putting my energy into cooking. Monday is chocolate cake day!" He spoke with so much enthusiasm it was seriously endearing. "It's a chocolate and raspberry vegan sponge with chocolate coconut 'buttercream' frosting. Go ahead..." he gestured.

It looked so inviting that I didn't hesitate. "Ohh. Mark." I said, my eyes widening. "Ohhh. This. Is. Absolute. Heaven!" Mark beamed at me.

"I haven't tried it yet" he replied.

"Here..." I offered, extending the fork to him with his beautiful cake between the prongs. "You have to try, this is just too good not to share!". He smiled at me with his whole heart as he walked towards me. He surprised me by closing his hand around mine, raising both to his mouth before pausing with intent. Our eyes met and electricity was sent in a loud wave through my entire body, waking every cell as it did so. My world was in slow motion as he teased the bite of cake into his mouth, his eyes connected to mine the whole time.

"Jane, can I kiss you?"

"Yes" I whispered, smiling coyly and suddenly feeling shy.

I had a strong feeling that I might just be playing hooky from work again tomorrow...