Catnabbing

It was March 23 when Chester, Sleepy Boy, was catnabbed. His photo had been broadcast across every major news network by five pm, and a tip line had been established by a gaggle of his followers.

His owner, Loretta Bobbins, was beside herself. “He’s the sweetest, most precious soul in this world. Please let him come home to me” she whispered, eyes downcast as a waterfall of tears slipped down her cheeks. She stood stiffly in front of the camera, her arms folded across her chest. Her ropes of grey hair straggled down the front of her tartan dress, barely concealing a dark mustard stain on the pocket.

The camera quickly switched back to the anchor saying “Those heartfelt words coming to you straight from Sleepy Boy’s manager, Loretta. Please keep your eyes peeled for this tired tabby, and if you do spot him call the number at the bottom of the screen. Now for-“. Anonymous switched off the TV. He had already watched this segment three times in the past week, the first being when Loretta had come to him about finding Chester. Anonymous had never worked a catnabbing before, but it was \a welcome change from the stream of infidelity cases that he normally took on.

Loretta had burst into his office on March 30, disheveled and wild, clutching a brown paper box. “I need the help. The police are ignoring my calls and I don’t know who else to turn to”. She choked back a sob. “This was on my doorstep this morning”. She dropped the box on his desk with enough force to send a pile of case notes fluttering up into the air.

Anonymous raised an eyebrow at the box. “What is it?” he asked.

“Open it and see for yourself.” She sniffed. Hesitantly he lifted the lid off the box. There were several layers of lilac tissue paper lining the bottom and he gingerly separated the layers to reveal – a cat’s collar. “The note’s on the side.” Loretta had collapsed into the only other chair in Anonymous’s tiny office. He reached into the folds of tissue and plucked out a folded bit of paper. It read – “$2,000,000 by the end of the week, or he’ll be more than sleepy”.

Anonymous refolded the note, put it back in the box and popped the lid back on. “Okay, let’s start with the details. First off, I know that he was taken from inside the house. Did you get the police involved for the B&E?”

Loretta nodded vigorously. “They were more interested in the break in than Chester being taken. That’s why I went to the news. I knew that his fans would be devastated.” She sniffed.

“And where were you at the time?” Anonymous asked.

“I was in the back garden feeding the chickens. Chester likes to watch them from the window.” Loretta sighed.

“And you didn’t hear anything from the living room?” Anonymous frowned.

Loretta shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “No, the back door was closed. And I was distracted by the chickens.”

“But the screen door was open.” Anonymous said, staring intently at Loretta.

“Oh, well yes, but I wasn’t paying attention. You’re beginning to sound like the officer I talked to on Friday. Maybe I should just take this to someone else.” She stood abruptly, screeching her chair against the linoleum.

“I just need to get the facts Ms. Bobbins.” Anonymous spoke firmly. Loretta nodded, and gave a stilted “Thank you”, before turning on her heel and exiting the office, leaving the door wide open. Anonymous sighed as he slid around the side of his desk to shut it. It was a stroke of luck that she had walked in this morning. He had just had a visit from her husband a couple days previously.

Clarence Bobbins had suspected that his wife had faked the catnabbing from the beginning. She was growing frustrated with Chester’s fading fame as Sleepy Boy, and yearned for him to make a comeback. Clarence had always know that Chester’s ticket to fame was time stamped, and eventually the Bobbins’ would fade into obscurity. They still had a solid portion of the profits from Chester’s most recent Cat Chow commercial, and his merchandise had seen a temporary rise, but Loretta’s greed was palpable. She needed Chester to return to his peak. Clarence had hired Anonymous the day after Chester was catnabbed, asking that he find the cat before Loretta could cause a scene. So far Anonymous had tracked down the two cat thieves, Marcus Link and Cody Summers, to the house they shared on Bay Street. He had parked his Escapade outside their house and watched for two hours before they both left. Then he had used the key hidden under the doormat to search the house for Chester. There had been no indicators that a cat had ever stepped foot in the house.

The next day Clarence had paid Anonymous a visit to check on his progress. “Any luck with my tip?” he asked hopefully.

Anonymous shook his head “Unfortunately not. Any idea where they may have dropped him?”

Clarence frowned “The only place that I can think of would be Marcus’s girlfriend, Tracy. She has a basement suite on Thompson Road. We actually met Marcus and Cody through Tracy. She started a grooming business out of the house a few years ago before she opened a place on Main. She absolutely adores Chester.” Marcus paused, looking past Anonymous at the wall calendar. “She would want to take care of him if he was lost, and I’m sure that Lottie would rope her in on the plan. You should check out her place.”

Anonymous nodded “Excellent. I’ll take a look at Tracy’s place, and if he isn’t there I’ll swing by her grooming parlour too.”

After Clarence left the office, Anonymous set out to Tracy’s house. Her house was nestled in between a copse of trees in the suburban part of town. Anonymous decide that the upper part of the house must have children, as there were scattered tricycles and skipping ropes littering the yard. He pulled the Escapade up to the curb and had barely cut the engine when a cat appeared in the basement window. Anonymous leaned forwards to get a better look, and sure enough, Chester was peering through the glass, his permanently tired eyes blinking at Anonymous. Anonymous pulled out his cell phone and called Clarence.

Clarence and Loretta pulled up to Tracy’s house in a Mercedes, courtesy of Chester’s recent fame. Anonymous met them at the door as Loretta spotted Chester in the window. “My boy!” she shrieked. “I need to call the news!” She hastily reached into her purse for her cell phone.

Clarence put a hand on his wife’s arm. “No Lottie. I know everything. I know that you planned all of this. I hired Mr. Jones to find Chester, but I knew that you had paid to have him taken. This isn’t worth being found out. We’ll just tell the reporters that he was dropped off at the house. We don’t need the money.” He said gently.

Loretta pulled her arm away from her husband and turned to Anonymous. “Don’t listen to him. I would never lie about something like this!” Her eyes were wild.

Anonymous shook his head sadly. “Then how do you explain him being found here? I watched the interviews back Ms. Bobbins. And I looked at your merchandise sales. Chester isn’t as popular as he once was, and you’ve grown accustomed to living through his fame.”

Loretta scowled. “A bit of drama would put him back in the public eye. It’s not like anyone is getting hurt! Once we pretend to pay the money and he comes back to us we’ll be set for life!”

Clarence grabbed his wife’s arm again and pulled her towards him. “It won’t work Lottie. They’ll find us out. Let’s just go home and Anonymous can bring Chester home later tonight.”

Loretta looked into her husband’s eyes and crumpled. “Fine, let’s end this.”

Clarence helped her back into the car before turning to Anonymous. “Can you bring him back tonight? Just come over the fence from the back lane.” Anonymous nodded.

The next evening the news blared from the TV in Anonymous’s living room. “Sleepy Boy returned to owners safe and sound! This sleepy kitty turned up last night Loretta and Clarence Bobbins’ house after a frantic search. His fans are relieved to hear the good news!” The camera panned to a cheering crowd of fans outside the Bobbins’ house, most of them wearing Sleepy Boy t-shirts. It appeared that Chester’s moment of fame had been extended.