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A Story Every Day in 2024 June 12th 164/366 and an entry for Hannah's Challenge?

By Rachel DeemingPublished about a month ago 2 min read
Top Story - June 2024
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Photo by Trnava University on Unsplash

She looked at her son. He was a man now really. Moments came when she saw glimpses of the boy he once was but rarely and they were snatched by her when he didn't know that he was being scrutinised by someone trying to make sense of who this person was, what he would become.

She snuck in while he was asleep to look at his little boy face, expressions relaxed, learned knowledge of the world having retreated into whatever slumberland it inhabited in the dark hours. This is why she relished past Facebook posts, when they took her to splash parks and beaches; fairground rides and sticky mouths, sugar-coated; to rounder, less angular facial features and brighter clothing; to times where the future was distant and dreams of houses and responsibility were craved but not fully realised in his mind, as he envisioned Batman-style mansions or cars that turned into planes as his everyday.

Those thoughts were past now with time's constant dynamo, whirring onwards like a bulldozer's track.

They had just visited accommodation. It was another university open day, another rung on the ladder to "Individual Independence". The room offered was a little cell-like despite the bright yellow wall and the modern fixtures. But she looked at it as a safe place for her boy to study and did not dwell on her concerns for him striking out on his own. After all, she had done it and survived. In fact, she felt a little envious of him, embarking on this new exciting chapter. For her, it was like standing on the top of the mountain after you've seen the view and contemplating the reaction of the person you loved, still climbing up and yet to join you there.

There were still things to be shared.

It was racing away, "Life", as they knew it. University, driving, parties. Like a landslide, inevitably altering the landscape.

She knew it was as it should be and took grateful comfort from that.

"What's up, Mum?"

He was there, putting his arms around her and she relished the genuineness of the hug while she could.

"Nothing," she said, lying; but also paradoxically, telling the truth.

"Nothing at all."

***

366 words

Microfiction, yes, but also built on truth as a lot of stories are, having their foundation in our own lived experience.

Thanks for stopping by! If you do read this, please leave a comment as I love to interact with my readers.

164/366

MicrofictionLovefamily

About the Creator

Rachel Deeming

Storyteller. Poet. Reviewer. Traveller.

I love to write. Check me out in the many places where I pop up:

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Reader insights

Outstanding

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Top insights

  1. Eye opening

    Niche topic & fresh perspectives

  2. Easy to read and follow

    Well-structured & engaging content

  3. Excellent storytelling

    Original narrative & well developed characters

  1. Expert insights and opinions

    Arguments were carefully researched and presented

  2. Heartfelt and relatable

    The story invoked strong personal emotions

  3. Masterful proofreading

    Zero grammar & spelling mistakes

  4. Compelling and original writing

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    Writing reflected the title & theme

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Comments (30)

  • Kayleigh Fraser ✨9 days ago

    A beautiful and sad story all at the same time 🥺 Thank you for sharing this ❤️❤️

  • Sian N. Clutton27 days ago

    This is beautifully worded, Rach. I worry about the years that have passed already and he's only six. Yet, I somehow also crave the future and the certainty that he will be less vulnerable then he is now. Motherhood is a balancing act for sure.

  • Dr. Jason Benskinabout a month ago

    Congratulations on having your story featured as a top story on Vocal! This is a remarkable achievement, and it's clear why your work has received such recognition. Your storytelling is truly exceptional. The narrative was not only compelling but also beautifully crafted, holding my attention from start to finish. The way you developed the characters and plot was masterful, making the story both engaging and thought-provoking. Your unique voice and perspective shine through, setting your work apart. It’s evident that you poured a lot of passion and effort into this piece, and it has certainly paid off. I look forward to reading more of your incredible stories in the future. Keep up the fantastic work! Best regards, Dr. Jay

  • Novel Allenabout a month ago

    Mine is past that stage but the nostalgia still kicks like an angry horse. Memories, pics, mementos and seein the years flying by. Great story Rachel. Ah the memories. Kudos on TS.

  • Ameer Bibiabout a month ago

    Congratulations on TS

  • Ameer Bibiabout a month ago

    Well deserved win Super duper touching story

  • Andrea Corwin about a month ago

    Oh the empty nest and off to college, away from home! Remembering the times and laughter and fun - and there is MORE to COME!!

  • Caroline Cravenabout a month ago

    You are the best at writing real life, emotional stories. This was a slam dunk winner for me.

  • Donna Fox (HKB)about a month ago

    Rachel, this was so beautiful and heartwarming!!! I loved the genuineness of this!! Great work!!

  • Mark Gagnonabout a month ago

    Touching story, Rachel and on the other end of the spectrum from The Bag. Congratulations on Top Story!

  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarranabout a month ago

    Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊

  • John Coxabout a month ago

    Simply magnificent, Rachel. It’s too imagine that any one of us considering entering this challenge could top this even if we use the full complement of words allowed. You write the best slice of life stories. This was such a joy to read!

  • Shirley Belkabout a month ago

    I so loved this and was so happy to see it recognized as it should be...Top Story!!!

  • Jay Kantorabout a month ago

    Rd - So glad you 'Paradoxically' Bagged another; Paper or Plastic. JiBud.in.l.a.

  • TahimaAniabout a month ago

    loved it so much♥️

  • Carmen Heniginabout a month ago

    Such beautiful insight into the bitter sweetness of motherhood.

  • Muhammad Safdarabout a month ago

    Excellent story.

  • Cathy holmesabout a month ago

    This is so beautiful. I don't have kids, but have lived it vicariously through my niece. When she graduated university, it was like a twilight zone moment. Then, when she had her own kids, oh my. Beautiful piece. Congrats on the TS.

  • Paul Stewartabout a month ago

    Oh my, Ms Deeming Ms Deeming. Again...you manage to create so much life in so few words. This is just brilliant. Love the little insight into this strong bond between mum and son. Love that we know how she feels...the kind of mother she tries to be/is and that her son appreciates it...on his level...all within 366 words. Impressive. That final line is the chef's kiss of this micro. Congrats on a thoroughly well deserved Top Story!

  • Kathy Tsoukalasabout a month ago

    Love this - great line: "Nothing," she said, lying; but also paradoxically, telling the truth.

  • D.K. Shepardabout a month ago

    Absolutely outstanding, Rachel! Years of emotional impact captured in one glimpse into this scene

  • Beautifully done 🩵. That’s been my experience this year, for my baby!

  • Christy Munsonabout a month ago

    You've done it again, broken my tender heart with your insightful storytelling. I have no kiddos but I do have nieces and nephews, all of whom mean the world to me. My eldest nephew is about to become a dad for the first time and all these feelings you describe eloquently are dashing at the banks of my heart, newly paved over by a landslide that nature unleashed at precisely the right moment. This one is a TOP STORY. Only Vocal has yet to acknowledge it. Congratulations! 🥳

  • Lana V Lynxabout a month ago

    Omg, I went through that four years ago when my son decided to move out for the gap year and college. You’ve captured the feelings so well, Rachel! They grow up too fast.

Rachel DeemingWritten by Rachel Deeming

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