Carnival Godmothers

Sirena

She wanted her hair to be green. She knew from the start that that’s what she wanted out of the life that had been planned for her, but not the plan her mother wanted to see. She wanted it to be green especially in her baths, when her long hair floated and it was not a strain on her little neck. The frizz of her hair did not exist there, the hard brush strokes of Nana were not possible then, her hair was wild thing, a blob of mass like a jellyfish lazily floating towards the surface. She wanted it green like the mermaids, so that she could blend in to the reeds that she saw at the bottom of the tiny river near la iglesia that used to be used for baptisms, like in the days of the Jordan. She wanted the fishies to wriggle through it, think it an anemone and raise their babies there. She wanted the sun to be a dancing light that was wavy every time she moved. She wanted the water lilies to be her bouquet when she decided to marry her new life. She wanted to swim rather than run. She asked and asked and asked for the color of the lily pads, of the grass, of the trees, of the algae, to be the color that defines her head and identity. She wanted the little straight hair she had to look like the stalks that hold flowers up and her big curls to be something people admired when the sunlight turned them to a forest.

She got it for one day. The carnival was in town and the booths for temporary tattoos and colorful name boards to frame and stuffed animals that lasted two months of being laid on took over her senses and almost made her forget what she was really looking for. She was searching for the ladies that were doing community service and using their spray painting skills to do hair rather than walls. She couldn’t jump onto the chair fast enough. The intoxicating smell filled her little lungs and made her think that she was a mermaid taking her first breath of water – just for a second. Her mother decided to ask the Lady to forgive her for her sin of changing her daughter’s appearance that was perfect in Her eyes and to let her baby have her way for two days. Two washes until it all the green came out and the hair was boring again. La niña could not be higher than a spaceship. But she had left this world to the underbelly of the sea, a mermaid allowed to travel on land for two days. The green was horrible, horrendous, “would’ve made my Mami faint”. It was beautiful surrounding the face whose smile could not be bigger and more thankful to her mother who allowed it and La Madre that she knew would still love her mother. She showed it off, standing with her little shoulders back and flipping as if, if she stood still for too long, it would melt off and refuse to change her miniature life. Her mother couldn’t believe how ugly a color can make la niña so happy with unrestrained joy. But hey, la sirena was alive.



I wrote Sirena when I was in high school. I wanted a little girl to get green hair, and comfort a mother that the people-who-mattered, including God, would not criticize a little girl’s wishes. I wanted teen girls, that people-who-didn’t-matter would label delinquents, to be her fairy godmothers. I wanted a girl’s imagination to be the most powerful force in her own story.

This story has no large lessons. She just wants to be loved in a way she loves herself. She wants to enhance her image for herself. There is no monster to defeat, there is just the circumstance of a carnival. I have never wanted green hair, as a little girl or now, but I did want a little Latinx girl to see herself in a magical way that most entertainment media does not allow.

I have a hard time watching many TV shows right now, especially those most closely tied to reality. I figure since I already live in reality, I don’t want to watch close-to-reality. Especially for me, I see many Latinx characters in entertainment will be used to tell an immigration story. Even though many people in the US Latinx community relate to immigration stories, those stories do not define us. I am tired of seeing Latinx people be portrayed only within this story. There is an analogous conversation happening in the Black community about the slew of shows centered on slavery or the Civil Rights movement. I know media like this is supposed to be important, but to ask BIPOC to continue to relive generational trauma is not supporting us, it’s making white people feel better about themselves for knowing history they should have been taught in school. And many times, it is only the shows and movies that make white people feel better about themselves that get awards (see: Green Book). All this to say that BIPOC don’t only want to be seen in relation to our own history; we want to be in fantasy, in science fiction, in romance with other BIPOC.

Sirena is not fantasy, sci-fi, or romance. It is simply and powerfully about a little Latina girl who wants green hair, and her imagination takes her from the sea to the trees. She is her own fairy tale.

(resubmitted because I missed the challenge button the first time)