Broken future

Looking at her man in front of her, breaking her own heart, she let him go. They were still holding hands, and he was staring right into her eyes while they both felt tears falling from them.

She turned around, feeling numb and left.

She couldn't stay in his house anymore; it was too painful to think about what happened earlier. He had already given up on her for a long time. It was a week later before she received a call from him, asking if everything was alright after she hadn't called him for almost three days.

After talking to the person who'd told him where she lived, he was finally able to see her. Her reaction made him cry; she was sitting outside their kitchen eating ice cream when he found her there. She tried to smile, but she knew that it didn't reach her eyes. She looked away when he approached her. He hugged her from behind and whispered in her hair how much he missed her.

He could feel her trembling slightly in his arms. He wanted nothing more than to erase that moment forever. To take back the last year of his life and make every single one of theirs. He just wished that he hadn't lost her, even if they had fought like never before. It took her some minutes before she pulled away from him. She turned around and faced him.

"You don't have to do this."

She stated calmly, trying not to betray her emotions as she was sure that he could tell that she meant it. She hated him so much for giving up on her again. She needed a sign, anything. Anything that would indicate that this wasn't all over yet.

But he shook his head. He refused to be a coward any longer. And so, she kissed him softly and closed her eyes, letting herself feel how much she missed him. She felt a pair of arms wrapping themselves tightly around her waist, pulling her closer to him. She let herself sink in the kiss.

This is her goodbye kiss. She loves him more than she loves herself, but she knows that, even now, in her kitchen, he can't stop thinking about her. He probably regrets it already, but this will help him forget her even though it won't. She pushed him slowly away and held his shoulders firmly, looking straight into his blue eyes.

"I can't do this." She whispered before turning around and walking out of their living room.

"Wait!" He yelled, running after her, reaching her just in time to hold her hand.

"Are you sure?" He questioned once again.

"Yes, I'm sure."

A silence fell upon them, but he knew that they both had many things to talk about. They needed to talk about the past, about their relationship and most importantly, about them. He squeezed her hand tighter as they continued to walk down the street. The two of them reached the end of the road. He pulled her close to him and gently kissed her forehead before whispering.

"Call me whenever you need me." He then placed another chaste kiss on her cheek and walked back to his apartment.

She walked back to her apartment, grabbed the ice cream and sat on the sofa. She knew this is what she needs and wants deep down. No one told her how much it would hurt. No one told her how hard she would break and how much she would love someone with no soulmate or anyone else. No one told her that loving someone who doesn't have one means that it hurts. She thought she was doing well. She thought she was strong and brave enough to handle her problems alone. She wasn't. And that's why she felt such an overwhelming sadness coming over her.

She felt broken, vulnerable and abandoned. And that's why she was crying.

She cried until her throat was sore and her chest burned, and her cheeks were red and puffy. She cried until she didn't have any tears left in her body, and she couldn't feel anything any longer. She stayed there for a couple more hours, laying down on her couch, hugging her favourite blanket to her chin, sobbing softly and quietly, hoping that no one heard her.

She hoped that no one saw the mess she's become. She knows she hasn't been happy for a while now.

Staring into nothing, she starting thinking; how does one begin to learn to love themselves? Starting to burst into laughter, she got up, put the bowl in the kitchen and went to bed.

Another long sleepless night ahead of her, one of many more to come.

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