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Bountiful Beans Benefit Bankrupt Bellies

An exchange of wealth brings back a kingdom's health.

By Thavien YliasterPublished 20 days ago 2 min read
Bountiful Beans Benefit Bankrupt Bellies
Photo by imso gabriel on Unsplash

“I can’t believe you sold our cow for these,” she slapped him hard across the face. “We’ll starve before they take root.”

Sniffling, he cried, “I’m sorry, mom. I- I just thought that if what he said were true-”

“Didn’t I tell ya’ to never listen to trouble when it comes your way?!” He cowered from her overwhelming anger. “If it’s too good to be true it’s probably false!”

Seeing him curl up into the fetal position there was only so much anger she could throw his way. Her heart breaking for him because of her innate desire to lovingly protect him from the world, she hunkered down next to him, wrapped her arms around him, and said, “Oh I’m sorry for being so mean Jack. I just want you to use that good head of yours that I put on your shoulders. Here,” she placed the beans in his hand, “go plant these outside. Put some magic into ‘em for me, will ya’?”

Sucking up his tears, he nodded, walking out the door, “Thanks mom.”

Making three holes in the dirt, he planted them. After relieving himself of his morning water, the ground began to shake.

Running out the house, his mom yelled, “What’s happening!?” Then three stalks rose higher than the tower of Babel, wrapping around each other for stabilizing support. “What in Paul Bunyan Wisconsinite cornfield!”

Looking to his mom, Jack said, “I don’t think we’re gonna starve.”

The Spriggins halted the kingdom’s famine. Rappelling became the fastest growing profession, as safety gear and landscaping shops cropped up. The vegetation that the people couldn’t eat was given to the livestock. The cows’ milk became plentiful, pigs litters reproduced as quickly as rabbits, rabbits begat faster than weeds could grow, chickens had enough seeds to feed, and even the sheeps’ wool became softer. Merlin’s botanists even used dead vegetation to grow mushrooms for stews and meatless patties, meanwhile Merlin grew some special shrooms for himself and King Arthur that allowed them to chase dragons and fight giants. What couldn’t be eaten was returned to the fields as fertilizer. Bean soup became the number one export.

Pulled away on his ox cart, a salesman smiled.

By Paul Jai on Unsplash

Thavien's Token:

This idea about "Jack Spriggins and the Enchanted Beans" was living rent free in my head for days. L.C. Schäfer's "Fucked Up Fairytales - An Unofficial Challenge" gave me the perfect opportunity to evict it.


P.S. I copied and pasted this piece by piece from Microsoft Word. Besides the Token and this afterwards, it's exactly 366 words.

Stream of ConsciousnessShort StoryMicrofictionHumorFantasyFableClassical

About the Creator

Thavien Yliaster

Thank You for stopping by. Please, make yourself comfortable. I'm a novice poet, fiction writer, and dream journalist.



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Comments (2)

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  • Christy Munson13 days ago

    Great idea for an f'd up fairytale. Enjoyed it! And I'm with Dharr. He peed on that sh*t?! Bahhhhhhh

  • "After relieving himself of his morning water, the ground began to shake." Please tell me that does not mean that he urinated on them 😅

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