BLESS（act 4）

7

People in the town laughed behind her back, saying that her son was so old and still wanted men.

Love according to talk, treatment fee is not less. Psychotherapy is expensive, and medicine is even more expensive. Because Dr. Yang is not qualified to prescribe psychotropic drugs, he obtained them illegally and prescribed them to me.

It's not that I can't go to a regular hospital to treat diseases and prescribe medicine, but my mother is unwilling.

I kept all of this hidden, only because my mother didn't want me to leave a psychiatric record, she wanted me to be quietly cured, not affect the future life.

She believed in Dr. Yang's skills, and she was always sure I had a future.

It's because of my mother that I don't have any psychiatric records.

Dr. Yang believes that I have developed a sociopathic personality due to childhood trauma, and he says that he can find my psychological shadow through hypnosis, tap into my hidden pain, and reshape my subconscious mind for therapeutic purposes.

It sounds amazing, but it never worked.

Because an important prerequisite for successful hypnosis is trust. I can't trust Dr. Yang, so he can't find anything.

If you can't cure the disease, you can only treat the symptoms. Dr. Yang prescribed me a drug called chlorpromazine, which helps stabilize people and suppress criminal impulses.

But the side effects of this drug are very large, easy to make people become dull, lethargy, and cognitive impairment. He gave me a prescription, but I didn't take it once. The result is neither the cause nor the symptom.

It's not bad for Dr. Yang, because if you can't fix it, you have to fix it, and I'm always his patient. In the end, I went to the clinic to eat snacks and read books, which really proved the excuse of "bringing children".

Dr. Yang and I combined to fool mother, only mother in the dark.

In order to afford the high cost of my treatment, my mother not only worked in a machinery factory, but also worked several odd jobs in her spare time. She was not yet forty, her face was still young, but her hair was half white.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I hear my mother crying and sighing; Sometimes I see her full of hope, busy, non-stop.

My father saw right through me for who I was and left. But the mother was stubborn and refused to give up.

Many women are so weak, clearly can also support themselves, but the heart is still eager to rely on.

She had only one son left, and she saw in me a false future, and placed all her hopes in me. She expected me to be like most ordinary people, to go to school, work, get married, have children, and count on me in the future.

She didn't do anything wrong. She's just a normal mother.

But I'm not a normal kid.

I could not respond to my mother's expectations, and I felt oppressed and miserable around her.

Studying, working, getting married and having children, these are not what I want; The only thing I desire is crime, and that is the way I must go.

You may wonder why I am so certain of my future path of crime.

Because this is what happens when I try to save myself.

In fact, my time in the clinic was not wasted, and I read Dr. Yang's psychology book, and found that the way to salvation was in it.

Traumatic experiences in childhood can have a butterfly effect that can have a significant impact on a person's life. That's the terrible thing about childhood shadows.

I went from a good boy to a bad boy, and there's a pattern to that.

I avoided the experience so much that it was painful for many years.

After teaching myself psychology, I gradually understood that if the knot caused by the shadow of childhood was not opened, I would always suffer and never be able to get rid of it.

In the second grade of primary school, I locked my classmates in an abandoned storage room and watched everyone rush to find it. But I never had a problem with that classmate. It was his father who hurt me.

His father's name is Zhou Hongxing.

Zhou Hongxing sexually abused me, a boy of seven or eight years old.

At that time, I was young and didn't understand a lot of things, but it was real to see a nice adult suddenly turn ugly, and the fear and pain I felt was real.

I was scared afterwards and told my father about it, hoping he could help me get justice. But my father hesitated and finally asked me not to go to my classmates' home.

If my father dared not confront me, I dared not. I could not get rid of the pain, so I had to take revenge on Zhou Hongxing's son.

Ordinary revenge doesn't hurt. All I did was lock his son in a locker room, and he sexually assaulted me again, warned me not to touch his son again.

Zhou Hongxing has always been a gentle and kind person. He is good to everyone and has a smile on his face.

The first time he saw me, he smiled and said, "This kid is so cute." Bought me a lot of delicious food.

But in the end, he gave me the most horrible face.

No one would believe a child's accusation against a good man, not even my father.

After that, I never mentioned it to anyone again, but I gradually became sensitive and gloomy, and vengeful.

Often it was just some trivial matter, and I immediately launched a violent revenge. Each revenge is like making up for the regret of not being able to retaliate the first time.

However, they are like scratching the itch, and it is always difficult to solve the hatred in my heart.

I gradually realized that Zhou Hongxing was my trouble. No one can save me but myself.

I had to kill him.

From ten years ago, I planned to kill Zhou Hongxing. Once I was young and had no resistance to his aggression. Now that I'm older and he's older, I'm killing him like I'm crushing a fly.

You said that I let Zhou Hongxing happy family cast a shadow, why don't you say that he ruined my life?

Kill him so I can be free.

That's the real reason I killed Zhou Hongxing.