BLESS（Act 2)

Chen Yuan's story (1) --

Outside is the West Hill Execution Ground, which I know very well because my family used to live near here. Now coming back here is like going home, and it seems to be a kind of "facing death".

In 1995, I was 15 years old and in Grade Two. Mother took me to move here, Xishan second machinery factory unit dormitory. Now that area is abandoned.

Our dormitory building was in the last row, next to the West Hill Execution Ground, with a wire fence between it and a row of cedars planted.

But from the window of the room, one could still see the scene of the execution through the trees.

Every morning at 6:00, I wake up and watch the executions with binoculars.

Early in the morning, when the sun was still on the other side of the hill, and the whole place of execution was still shrouded in the blue morning light, the condemned man was taken to the place of execution. A living person, as long as standing on that land, without exception are drooping shoulders, a face of grey dead, as if the spirit has been separated.

When the gun was loaded, they suddenly woke up, some desperately begged for mercy, some cried, some struggled to run, and many were scared to incontinence, but finally they were obediently subdued.

Then they knelt on the ground, mouths open at the motion of the bailiffs, and greeted the judgment behind them. At the sound of the gun, few birds were startled, and the mountains were calm again.

The process of waiting for the execution is painful, and the real point is a moment.

But dead is really dead, lie on the ground and do not move. No matter whether they were crying or laughing, running or laughing, they ended up lying motionless on the ground like this, turning into a corpse.

Their faces were calm and serene. Because the mouth is wide open, the bullet enters from the back of the head and exits from the mouth, the face will not be damaged too much, so as to take care of the aftermath.

I was fifteen years old, and every morning I got up and looked at the execution site, scared and wanting to see it, shaking and getting goosebumps and buzzing in my head as if the shot had been shot into my head.

I get shot like that almost every day, and then I go to school.

Dr. Lu, isn't that kind of a special experience?

4

After listening to Chen Yuan's story, I said: "It is indeed special, the Xishan Second machinery factory you mentioned is also nearby, has been abandoned for many years. But I am not sure that this is your real experience, the story itself is a little strange."

"What's strange?" he asked.

"You first said that your mother moved you here, so your mother worked at the West Hill No. 2 Machinery Factory, right? I don't believe that any mother would let her child face the scene of an execution.

"No, she knows."

5

Chen Yuan's narration (2) --

I spy on the execution grounds every day. Mother knew about it, and that was exactly what she wanted.

In fact, it wasn't because my mother got a job in a machine shop that we had to move here. Cause and effect is wrong.

My mother chose to work here because she knew there was an execution ground here and wanted to move here.

Machinery factory dormitory, is our third home.

When I was young, I was clever and well-behaved, and everyone loved me, which was the pride of my parents.

However, from the second grade of primary school, my personality gradually became dark.

I started bullying my classmates a lot. At first, I just locked my classmates in an abandoned storage room and watched everyone rush to find it. By fifth grade, you're sending people to the hospital with concussions.

My parents apologized numerous times and lost a lot of money. Parents and teachers take turns, but I just can't change it.

My mother cried night after night, saying how good you were before, why did you become like this, did mom and dad do something wrong?

Every time my father was found by the teacher, he would come back with a belt and beat me hard, and then make me stand all night. The last time he smoked especially hard, so that I curled up on the ground and couldn't move.

But at one point, one look at me, and he stopped. He suddenly felt afraid and said that sooner or later, I would kill him.

Soon after, my father left, never to return.

In fifth grade, I got kicked out of school. Because of its reputation, no other school in the neighborhood would dare accept it.

My mother had no choice but to move me out of the area.

My mother knew the principle of Mencius' three moves and took me to a university in the city, expecting me to be influenced by civilization.

When I got to my new school, the teachers liked me because I was good at school, polite and obedient. Mother also thought I finally got better, relieved.

But that's all because I'm good at pretending.

Not two years later, on the first day, I worked with the traffickers almost abducted the female college students next door.

The college girl's boyfriend wouldn't stop, came to my school. The teacher called me to confront him, and I hid a dagger in my pocket, which almost led to disaster.

The mother knelt in the principal's office, begging for mercy.

The principal was resolute, he said I have no bottom line no tutor, this kind of bad behavior of the child will sooner or later commit a crime, the school can not afford the consequences, called the mother to do it.

And then I got kicked out again.

My mother had a serious illness and seemed much more conscious after her recovery.

She took me moving again, moving here.

The westernmost dormitory building of Xishan No. 2 Machinery Factory was avoided by other workers' families because it was close to the Xishan Execution Site.

Whoever has the misfortune to have such a "viewing room" will board up the Windows on that side and close them permanently, so as not to accidentally see what should not be seen.

My mother took a similar step, but she used newspaper, which sealed the Windows without interfering with the light.

And a window covered in newspaper can still be opened.

She even made a flower stand outside my room window, carried a terracotta basin and raised an orchid. She went to water or trim every morning, her head down and her eyes down, afraid to look far away.

But I left the window open for ventilation, so I could get up and watch the execution.

I understand my mother's intentions. She knew that positive influence would not work, so she chose reverse enlightenment, letting me see how bad people were shot, hoping that I could feel the same and be afraid, so as to restrain myself and become a good person.

At first, I was really scared by the execution, and I became a good boy who studied hard again.

But only I know, my heart is very painful, I endure the desire to do evil, and even pain began to self-harm.

My arms and legs are covered with self-inflicted wounds, and my spirit is crumbling.

It's hard to keep yourself from committing a crime.

Dr. Lu