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The snow fell lightly in the darkness as I trudged along the slowly whitening sidewalk. The sound of my steps marking a lonely rhythm in the night air, my stomach clenched in ever-tightening knots.
Why did this have to happen on Christmas Eve?
I saw him long before he recognized me. Once he did, hope briefly flickered in his eyes till my jaw tightened and I hardened my gaze.
We stood together under a streetlamp, neither of us speaking for several minutes. After trying to light a coffin-nail two or three times, his lighter throwing a few feeble sparks, I struck a match, gently hiding the flame with my hand while he puffed, the end of his cigarette glowing in the pale light.
I can see the answer in your eyes, Tommy, Mike muttered.
Well ... you really screwed up this time, I replied bitterly.
That bad?
Christ, Mike. You fucked the boss's girlfriend.
Could a been worse, at least it wasn't his wife, he said with a snicker.
I laughed in spite of myself, and he flashed his wicked boy grin. Oh, the girls loved him alright. They lapped that shit up.
Damn it, Mike, you're not making this any easier.
So, get on with it already.
He looked at me unflinchingly, his hard gaze a strange combination of angry and sad.
Then he smiled just before crumpling to the snowy walk. My shoulders shaking with the pistol still smoking in my hand, I whispered, Goodbye baby brother. Goodbye.
About the Creator
John Cox
Family man, grandfather, retired soldier and story teller with an edge.
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insights
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
Masterful proofreading
Zero grammar & spelling mistakes
On-point and relevant
Writing reflected the title & theme
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Eye opening
Niche topic & fresh perspectives
Expert insights and opinions
Arguments were carefully researched and presented
Comments (40)
Powerful dark sad images! Congratulations on Top Story!
John, only you could pack suck complexity in under 250 words. I once had a professor explain to us that endings should surprise, but that they should also make logical sense; the reader should say to themself, "That's exactly what's supposed to happen." I think you've mastered that here.
Well damn, that was unexpected, and I loved it. I appreciated how well you used the dialogue to flesh out these characters so quickly. Wonderful work, congrats on top story :)
You are a delicious discovery for me today! I subscribed. I am reading away on Mondays and Wednesdays now. Writing away with just winks and nods the rest of the week.
Oh damn. That's one way to deal with a problem. This was incredibly captivating and loved your exquisite use of descriptions in such a short piece. Remarkable writing again, John and another fine entry. Congrats on this getting Top Story, it's stunning.
So glad this got Top Story! Well deserved!🥰
Cruel twist.
Came back for another read. I really like this.
Congrats :)
GASP!! What a fabulous job of a terribly tragic tale
آخر أخبار وتطبيقات التكنولوجيا: ابق على اطلاع دائم بالعالم الرقمي https://alsnwy.blogspot.com/2023/08/blog-post_56.html
congratulations on your Top Story!
this was awesome
Whoa. Stark. Harsh. Perfect setting, under a streetlamp. The last sentence got me. I think it stunned everyone, even after we figured out what was going to happen. Yikes.
Whoa, that’s definitely black and white justice! Love the coffin-nail foreshadowing. Brilliant use of suspense. Great micro!!
Oh wow! Exceptional writing. Congrats on top story! It is well deserved!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Love the gangster vibe in this winter setting, and what a twist! “My shoulders shaking with the pistol still smoking in my hand” is a powerful line says a lot.
John, I pictured Robert Mitchum and Richard Conte on that snowy street. You may be our next Dashiell Hammett! Let's bring noir back in fashion. Congrats on TS, this is amazing!
Excellent tale. Congrats!!!
Nice. It had that 40's gangster movie vibe
Congrats on Top Story!!!
Compelling writing!! You had me on the edge of my seat till the tragic ending- well- earned T.S.!
Congrats on Top Story!!!
Fabulous work! Keep it up—congratulations!