Birthdays

Rolling into July, we passed through the storm of our sheltered chaos and now, it’s like we’re stuck in a state of calm.

Edward and I are deliriously happy, and yet I find myself paranoid and feeling as though something were coming around a corner to try and destroy it all. To take this beautiful picture of family like bliss out of my shaky hands.

I am happy. It’s hard to really believe it, but I know it’s true because I wake up and go to bed feeling this eternal sense of bliss with my life.

But still, I feel extremely guilty. Guilty for the things I’ve done. What I can never take back. The things I still feel haunt my waking moments as much as my sleeping ones.

Barbara.

It’s a extremely difficult thing to deal with, but I know I will have to someday. I want to, I know I need to.

To understand my crime and fully reap what I deserve.

I know that my birthday is coming up, July 17th. Edward is sneaking about and looking like he’s planning something.

We go about our daily work and I do my school work as well, sometimes I stay late up at night and then wake up extra early to get more coding in before my actual job.

Keeping busy helps with the stress, even though Edward found me an excellent doctor, I feel the strain of those old shadows from before sometimes creeping in. I am just trying to keep my spirits up. For him. For us.

It’s when my birthday actually hits(I make a mental note that Edward’s birthday is November 23rd,) that I wake up to a huge splendor.

Balloons, confetti, candy, sunflowers, the works. All over our living room and the kitchen. It’s such a touching, sweet dream to wake up to see how much someone actually cares. I can see he even made a banner, saying, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY Johnny!!, and it’s in bright green and blue. Hand drawn.

Edward is crushing me with a huge embrace and kissing me over and over. I feel a rush of excitement and joy run through me as he showers me in love and affection and I kiss him back just as eagerly, running my hands through his cute, fluffed up (from just waking up) salt and pepper hair.

“Happy birthday John! You rascal!” He grins and tells me to go to bed.

“Uh, Edward, I just woke up though…” I yawn.

He scruffles my hair, “It’s for your first surprise. Please?” He widens his eyes and puffs up his lips, looking innocent and overtly sad.

I nod, though I feel as though it’s strange to ask one to go back to bed after they already woke up. I don’t say that but I tease him.

“I know you’re up to something, Edward! Aren’t you?” I laugh in between my words.

I hear him laugh. “I’m sorry, can’t hear you!”

“You’re taking me for a ride!! Don’t make me wait in our bed all day!”

I saw Edward peek his head in and wink, “Oh, but sweetheart, you already took me for a ride… remember? Last night?”

I feel the intense wave of heat rise in my body up to my face, and I am speechless, making Edward crack up laughing.

“I’m teasing, honey..” he comes in with a large plate and a tall glass of what I assume is orange juice.

“I’d hope so. You are incorrigible. Absolutely!” I grumble despite the fact that I am trying to hide my smile, and he brings over my plate.

“Breakfast in bed for you, my dear..” he grins and I see he made me scrambled eggs(the way I like them), grilled Canadian bacon, blueberry pancakes and fresh squeezed orange juice.

“How long did this take?” I say, taking a bite of the eggs. “Tastes perfect.”

He grins, seemingly satisfied. “I woke up around five to get breakfast started and get all the decorations together.”

I let out a short puffy breath. “Dang, Edward. You really are the best ever.” I lean over and kiss him on the side of his mouth. “I really appreciate you. Thank you, my darling.”

Edward sighs and kisses my cheek, “I just love you so darn much, Johnny. You know it. You deserve it.”

“No. I don’t. But I love you too. More than anything.” I look into his grayish eyes and I smile. “You’re my world.”

“Ah, you’re mine. I am just so happy you’re with me.” He grins. “Okay!” He claps his hands and gets up. “I’m going to get some things. I’ll be right back. Enjoy breakfast. You need anything?”

I scrunch my nose. “Are you my waiter or my boyfriend?”

“Both!” He saluted me obnoxiously, and I covered my mouth in a snort like laugh.

I finish my breakfast in bed and I hear him come back, with what looks like gifts.

“Ah, Edward… you got me more stuff?”

He scoffs. “Stuff? No. Not stuff. That’s defining what common folks would argue as everyday, common items. This..” he looked at his wrapped up boxes. “This is actually better than stuff. It’s from me. So… only the best.” He looked at me like a snooty rich person and I laughed.

“Come here, you silly man,” I said, moving the plate to the side, and he came over to sit by me.

“Open this first,” he handed me a small box and I unwrapped it carefully.

“Babe, you do know we don’t need to reuse the paper, right?” Edward teases and I frown.

“Never actually opened gifts like this before…” I say and he looks at me sadly.

“That’s all going to change from now on..” he says with confidence and I smile.

I see it’s brown box and I open it, seeing a very cool looking watch. Silver with the inner workings(gears and such) of it shown on the face.

“Oh, wow, Edward. Thank you.” I get it out of the box and put it on. “Does it need a battery?”

“It does have a battery already. I got extras just in case,” he says and I nod, admiring it, but then I look at the man who picked it out so lovingly, and I admire him.

“Ah, Edward, you are as beautiful as this hot shot watch, I love you!” I toss myself at him and we tumble around, almost falling off the bed, and Edward is laughing.

“That’s too much! You called it a hot shot watch!” He says in between his laughter, and then he kisses me, first chastely, then passionately.

“Just to clarify.. I’m more beautiful or as beautiful than the hot shot watch?” He teases and I jokingly push him away.

“Shush. More. Much more. I just got caught up in the moment…” I say softly and he nods, handing me an envelope.

“Your birthday card, sir.”

I grin and open it up, seeing its homemade on white paper.

It’s says, “Johnny, throughout all the rough times and best times of my life, I have never known or felt such a incredible happiness and joy that I have when I’m with you. I hope you feel the same and have a wonderful, amazing, fun and exciting birthday. I love you so much. I know that we can’t legally get married, but I see myself with you forever.

Love, yours forever,

Edward.”

I feel myself blushing and hug the card.

“First you say the watch is prettier than me, then you hug the card? Damn. What’s next! You marry the balloons?” He jokes and I laugh.

“I love your card, Edward. Very sweet.”

“You’re welcome, my love. Okay, just two more important things..” he hands me a rectangle sort of package and I unwrap it.

“Ohhh…” I feel myself heart beat go faster as I see the framed gift.

“Yes,” he takes my hand, “Yes, John, I framed it.”

“That poem? You kept it?” I say in shock.

“I remember that day you gave me that poem in the tiny room in the prison. I couldn’t believe it. I kept reading it over and over, as I felt your stare on me.”

I see the hand written poem I gave to Edward in a gold filigree and silver frame. Elegant, understated. Beautiful and a testament to our love.

“It crushed me and tore this white, warm, hot, silky, sunny warmth in my heart. I just… knew. I knew you were supposed to be mine. As I was yours…” he continued and I saw yet another gift.

Edward opened it this time.

I almost jumped out the bed, a yelp of surprise hitting the air from me.

“Ed-Edward?!” I say through muffled hands, almost standing fully up on the bed.

It was a silver band. A ring.

“Edward… no… what is this? Oh my gosh. Oh God. Oh my goodness…” I say in a anxious tumble and Edward laughs in almost a sort of crying way, taking the ring out of the box.

“John, I give this to you as my promise, to always be true, to always be by your side. To always care for you, in sickness and health. Always. Do you accept my promise? Do you accept me? I know we can’t be be married…” he bit his lip, looking at me with shining grayish golden eyes. “But I want to be your husban-”

I grabbed the ring and placed it roughly on my finger, “Yes! Yes! I do!”

He looks at me with wide eyes, shocked yet happy. “Oh, good. Great!” He grinned.

We kissed and I moaned into his mouth, “My husband is kissing me…”

He laughs as we kiss deeper.

This was the best birthday ever, I told Edward later once I blew out the candles to the cake.

The only birthday I ever had, I forgot to say.

Now I had a wish, and I knew it was something that made me feel as excited as I felt guilty over.

“What’s your wish… wait.. don’t tell me!” He says with a dramatic flair. “It won’t come true.”

I come over and hold Edward by his side. “I always wanted a daughter. To help her grow strong and independent and teach her coding. That was my wish.”

Edward looks at me with awe. “Really?”

I nod. What I don’t say, what really kills me, is that I know what I did. I don’t deserve such a happiness to bestow upon my name.

I took someone’s daughter away.

Maybe it’s good I said my wish out loud.

—-

Author note: Catch up with John and Edward’s story here.