Bird Brain on Horse Track Betting

Mary gasped, “You hit the trifecta at Gulfstream Horse Track?”

“Yep. Love the ponies,” chirped Molly Macaw, “I used my extraordinary handicapping skills and analyzed the data in the Daily Race Sheet and bingo!”

“No way,” shrieked Mary Macaw hopping up and down on her skinny legs.

“Yes way,” Molly winked.

“How much did it pay?” Mary asked.

Molly shrugged.

“Come on, spill the birdseed. I’m breathing heavy, lay it on me,” Mary pleaded.

Molly grinned.

“Please little birdie tell me before I bite my beak,” Mary whined.

“Don’t get your tail feathers in an uproar,” Molly grinned, “Five grand.”

“Holy bird poop,” Mary whistled and reached out her wing to high five her. “Polly doesn't want a cracker, she wants some of those green backs, baby.”

“You and everyone else. You have to keep your mouth shut or the whole nesting area will be lining up with their claws out,” Molly said firmly.

“I’m your cousin and could use a pretty peck at some of those winnings.”

“I’m trying to create generational wealth,” teased Molly.

“How did you pick the winning three?”

“Easy, the moment I saw the stats in the racing form. It was dreamlike how it came to me. I liked Going Global cuz he’s fast out of the gate, Tiz the Bomb keeps pace till nearing the finish line, then takes off, and Pizza Bianca is a big time closer. ”

“That was it?” Mary questioned.

“Nah, I compared their numbers with an old fortune cookie and it all seemed to line up,” she chirped.

“You are a lucky ole bird Molly. Imagine you used science and your birdbrain, and came up with the winners,” Mary smiled.

“Those parrots are talking English. Can you believe that?” a woman dressed in Lululemon leggings and a sequin t-shirt glanced as she hurried to place her bet.

“Those tropical birds can cuss like drunken sailors too,” her friend said laughing as she hustles to keep up with her friend.

“Yeah you Bitches we sure can,” Mary called after her.

“Shush up. Remember how those macaws were removed from Lincolnshire Park in England for swearing at patrons? We don’t need to be kicked out of the track. Com’on Mary, let’s grab some seeds, nuts, and berries off the buffet.”

They flew in small circles waiting for someone to open the door to the Clubhouse Restaurant so they could swoop in.“I loved when we vacationed in Costa Rica. The rain forest was filled with gourmet treats. That was the best - food foraging and flying from one Airbnb to another. Macaw memories are always sweet.”

“Absolutely great days, far better than when you forced me to go on that cruise,” Molly moaned.

“I agree, big mistake. So uncomfortable. My beak to tail four foot yoga stretch and my 45” wingspan certainly were compromised,” Mary groaned, “Ah my aching wings.

“Ah yourself. My aching feet from waiting in the all you can eat food lines. Those people were animals,” Molly cried, “Next time I cruise it’ll be in the Captain’s Suite.”

They flew gracefully toward the high ceiling - like a choreographed dance. Then sweeping down towards the salad bar, using their powerful beaks grabbed a bunch of berries and nuts. The rafters were a perfect spot to enjoy their lunch.

“Mary, when we seek out these different dining experiences, I feel so stimulated by the hunt. I often miss living in South America. There we would crush Brazil nuts with our beaks like when we were kids at Rio de Janeiro High. You took home the prized agility medal for the strongest intrinsic muscles. Crazy how ours are like humans, and control our tongue movements just like it does their’s. You showed real power in your beak. It was amazing!”

“I trained like a son of a bitch for that competition. I’m sure it helped me get into Stanford. Hey Molly look down we’re the lunch hour entertainment. See how they’re pointing at us, let’s give them a show.” Burst into flight the pair flew around the circumference of the room. Cheers and laughter filled the air.

“I’m becoming a real vegan foodie - Now going after some fruit on the dessert table then let’s get out of here. Ready Mary?”

“Following your lead Molly,” and they took flight heading out the exit. The crowd clamoring for more.

The two macaws slowed down to land in a giant palm and skidded onto a bunch of coconuts. The tree was alive with chatter. Molly and Mary took in the handsome Scarlet Macaw, the striking Blue and Gold Macaws and a couple of fine-looking Green Wings. This is a single macaw bird's paradise. The inventory lined up on the palm frawns was a wonderland.

Molly whispered to Mary, “My mom’s after me to start looking for my life partner. Looks like this might be the day.”

“I agree we’ve hit the jackpot.” They wrapped their wings around each other and started to giggle. “I think if we fluff our wings and spread our feathers we’ll catch their eye. ”Damn, wish we would have known and gone to the Parrot Feather Salon,” Mary chuckled.

They began to preen themselves using their beak to position their feathers and adjust their plumage. “Best approach, divide and conquer - that’s the plan,” Molly shared.

“Hello macaw gentleman I’m Mary and this is Molly. How are you all?”

The branches began to quiver and shake as the brilliant, colorful male macaws flew up to make their acquaintance. The girls smiled and bathed themselves in all the attention. Suddenly, they blushed. A human condition that is shared with macaws except the hyacinth. Their cheeks flushed in a pink-red hue. They both lowered their eyes and flirtatiously entranced the males. It was glorious.

“You know what I’m thinking Mary?” she took a deep breath, “I know we have issues with extinction and bearing more of our kind is a heroic thing to do. But, we don’t have to swing at every pitch do we?”

Mary pulled Molly aside and whispered, “This is a big deal. See, we’re getting caught up in lovebird romance. - we are, right now, up to our beaks in picking our life partner forever and that could be fifty plus years! Molly, are you ready for this?”

“Shit no Mary,” she wailed, “I want to head back to the track. I’ve got a tip on Forbidden Kingdom and Great Escape running in the 8th. I’m feeling lucky and want to place a big bet on a perfecta.”

I sure could use a Lychee Martini and a green salad with ginger dressing,” Molly shared, “Let’s fly.”

The males sat mystified in the palm tree as they watched the females take off. The good looking Scarlet could be heard saying, “What the hell.” The others agreed, making a loud racket. All they could do was watch them take off. In the distance they thought they could hear the girls’ singing and laughing, “Off we go into the wild blue yonder, Climbing high into the sun…”

*“Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder” - The U.S. Air Force.ceremonial music - Lyrics and music Robert Crawford Copyright, 1939