Belongings that keep the score

I empty out all of my heart’s remains onto the kitchen table. These are all of the pieces that connected my past to my present, held my hands steady when I panicked, and kept my mind from going off into the dark places even though some have sadness that slip into them.

Grandmother’s pearls

Daughter’s first tooth

Card after card from an old friend

A guitar pick

A few more things no one else would find comfort in.

I slip off my ring, and place it with them. Then I look at my life’s work for a second, letting the sadness crawl up inside my body. It reaches my mouth, but I do not scream.

I carefully, one by one, place the objects back into the box. And I walk up the stairs slowly to prolong my time with them. I enter my bedroom.

My knees kiss the hardwood floor beside my bed, as I tuck the box in its safe place.

I stand for with a soft sigh.

And for now,

I am done with the remembering.