Avoidance

Shock. That was all Sam was able to feel. Her emotions always overwhelmed her, but this was too much. This was not something she could deal with, probably ever. So, she did the only thing that she could think to do, the only thing that ever made her feel better over the past few months. She stood up, walked outside, and started to run.

When she ran, her mind always just went blank. Even though she knew she had so much to think about, even though she knew this was only an escape from what her mind will do when she stops, she needed to get away from the shock that was coursing through her body. So, she ran.

Exercise had never fully affected her in this way before, but now that she found it there would be no turning back. Running was her new way of coping and she would never stop if she could help it. Avoidance was her new normal and she was okay with it.

Sam stopped running. She was finally out of breath. She was not sure how long it had been, but she could not name where she was. She must have been far enough away from her home. More avoidance. Now she had to figure out where she was and how to get home since she didn’t bring her cell phone. Did she run in a straight line? She would have to try and hope she is able to get home easily.

About an hour later she was finally home. It was a relatively easy way back. She did indeed only run straight away from her house.

She looked at her home, standing still for a short time avoiding going inside and feeling everything she was running from.

That lasted about twenty minutes before her over thinking drove her mad. So, she went inside and picked up her phone again, avoiding all of the missed calls and texts.

It rang and rang until finally a voice answered.

“Sam? Is that you?” Her mother said through a cough.

“Yes, Mom it’s me. Sorry I ran out on our conversation. I just needed to get away.” She replied.

“It’s fine. You just worried me half to death. I am already sick. I do not need you running off and away from our conversations.”

Sam knew that if her mother was trying guilt her into anything, she was at least feeling okay. “I’m sorry, Mom.” Sam heard a cough on the other end. “Are you okay?”

“Me? I am getting through it. You know me. I am as tough as a horse! I can make it through anything. Remember that cancer I beat? Well this will be no different.”

Sam started to tear up, but she wouldn’t allow herself to cry over the phone and make her mother feel worse than she knew she already did. But Jane knew Sam better than Sam knew herself.

“Sweetheart, I will be okay. You’ll see.” She started, but that could not start the wave of tears already starting fall down Sam’s cheek.

She didn’t want her mother to hear her cry. “Yeah, Mom, I know.” She said as her voice wavered. “I just really need to do something that I forgot I had to do. So I need to go. Bye!” Sam was about to hang up her phone, but she heard a little yell.

“Wait!” Jane screamed through the phone.

“Yes, Mom? Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I just also need to tell you to look out for a package from me. It is not a big deal, so you don’t have to say anything, but I just need you to know that it is coming.”

“Okay, Mom. I will. Thanks” And with that Sam hung up and Jane let her.

Over the next few days, Sam went for many runs. She pushed herself way too hard. Because of that, when she was not running she was sleeping. It was the perfect life for her. She didn’t have to think.

Three days after her conversation with her mother, she came home from a run to see a brown paper box in front of her door. There was no label, no return address, but Sam assumed it was the box from her mother.

It can wait, Sam thought. She had just had an amazing run and she did not want to ruin it with thoughts of her mom. She put it on her kitchen table.

Sitting down with left over take out from the night before, she turned on a mindless TV show. But she wasn’t able to even concentrate on that. Her thoughts constantly went to the box on her table.

Finally, she placed her food down and went to open the box.

It took a couple minutes to get the tightly closed box open, but when she did, she saw what was inside: her mother’s Norse Mythology books. Sam took them out one by one. They were old and used and very well read, with a lot of writing on the inside. Jane had read them to Sam all throughout her childhood. Sam could probably recite them from memory now.

I wonder why she thought these were important enough to send to me like this, Sam thought to herself.

Then at the bottom of the box, there was a note written in Jane’s handwriting. It was only two words: They’re real.

Not completely understanding, Sam, as quickly as she could, went back outside and started to run again. She needed to get out of her head and her confusion. She needed to get out.