Apollo takes a spin in the Tardis

As Apollo I consider myself a very feared and respectable god, or at least I had done before my adventures with my familiar left my reputation slightly scorched. Bob became my familiar and like most, he was very into showing his affection, and good at watching my back, but perhaps was more of hindrance than a help in many ways. Still, he helped me survive and since it is indeed possible to kill a god, I suppose i should be grateful.

As is my custom, I came falling unto the earth like a fire ball, caked in sheets of heat and red tongues of fire. I could see the whole cotenant below me, and the barren lands of the eastern desert. I crashed onto the ground in Greek attire, as cracks spread from the point where my knee's had broke the rock before me. Perfectly upon cue, the clouds parted and I looked truly dashing and heroic. My helmet was made of iron, and as I worked my magic along the golden staff, transforming into fanged snakes, a stumbled into the clearing. Upon seeing me, his mouth gaped open. The mortal ran to my feet. My mortal worshipper bowed before me. This was going so well, although the worshiper I had come to meet was not this cowardly man.

The snakes hissed and spat, with venomous droplets flying forth. “Be nice George” I said, grinning a little, “we have to be kind to our new disciple, else we shall fade into the memories of man and be naught but concept.” Although he was not the main tool I wanted to find, the plan was young, mutable and I thought the cowardly worshiper a perfect instrument in my quest to over through the cosmos, and rise the ranks of the gods. Unfortunately trying to get Zeus to fall off mount Olympus by a carefully placed banana peel, was old school after all.

The kneeling worshiper was now crying over the stones, for he had concluded that it was time for the great judgment. Judging from how distressed he was, he seemed to believe it was time for the second appoclypse. I say second, for the Titans had saw to their being a first, but I was far too young and cool to know much about such things.

The worshiper’s head was planted to the ground. He cried with a broken and high squeaky voice sometime coming out, begging for my mercy. And yet the worshiper did not lift his face or dare look me in the eyes, sniffling he said pleaded “oh god, please forgive me and do not eat me or cast your poor servant into the fiery pit. I feel from your ways, and was selfish in my culinary curiosity. But I could no more resist than a baker could restrain themselves from that last custard tart.”

I bent down with my lips near his ear, pulling back some of the silky hair. I thought about how best to exquisitely kill the man, for I had to keep up my reputation as a unquestionable dark mage. Chuckling I said, “fear not mortal. Your end shall be swift for I am not without mercy.” Then I let loose and roared with lungs almost bursting. The man was a mortal after all, and father was very clear that they where but a evolutionary blip. It was a mistake, that us Olympians where not afraid to use. Grinning I said to the heavens, “father you have taught me well”.

Everything was going fine until a scientist appeared out of the shadows!

A man in a white jacket was only just coming over the hill. He wrote on a rather bumpy rock whilst saying his every thought outload. “Man meets a being falling from space. Man then begs for mercy. Subject of the study, shows a remorse of about point one, on the crimson scale, pretty low it does appear. This is the most fascinating encounter displaying the way that primitive men spoke to the elder races” He then looked unto my glowering eyes, and said “oh kind sir, do please go on?”

I couldn’t quiet believe a mortal was being so incredibly rood. He was ruining my grove!

I didn’t like his demine or clinically clean look. I was about to smite him with a poisoned tipped arrow, when the baleful human bellow me broke down in tears. Practically hugging my boots, he said “I know have eat the heart of the goat, I couldn’t but give in to my urges to eat some proper food. It’s just, I couldn’t bare to gulp down one more bowl of cabbage soup!”

Whilst the man in the white coat noted down more ideas, a rugged man charged from a pile of nearby rocks and whilst giving a smile as bright as the sun, came forth to give me a bold and daring hug. “Oh, heavens. You are most beautiful my god! How should I serve thee? I knew one day you would answer me, I’ve been waiting on this rock for years just to one day see you! And I can’t tell you how hard it is, and how much my bum ackees.”

Now this is what I wanted to hear. I wrestled the weeping mans hands from my boat, for he was obviously very weak, and I strode towards the loyal worshiper, who was bowing before my magnificence. “You are most splendid a servant. What is your name?”

Without a moments hesitation, or glimpse of fear, he responded “My name is Bob my lord”.

“Bob” I said a little disappointed, for my ideal familiar would be someone of great renowned with a strong family name, but then we could always change his name down the line, and if the family did not approve, then they would surely be thrown into the fires of the abyss. That was just the way of things down here.

And so I sat with him, and so I reached a gentle hand out, to lift him out of his reverence. His face glowed red with pride. As he sat, I stood, for it was only right that I maintained the hierarchy, and did not submit to be at the same level as “bob”, who seemed content to sit upon the natural bumps. Personally I refused to sit anywhere, where three leather cushions had not been placed. Still he looked at me longingly, which was something I was most pleased with.

The man in white continued noting down how unique it was to find one of the old ones in the company of a mere mortal. He clicked his pen, and I was started to get very annoyed. Particularly when the familiar took my hand and I started kissing the man as the man in white looked on analytically, I began to find him most off putting. Even the man's dreamy eyes where not enough to quell my growing anger.

When he saw him nodding as my familiar and I was trying to have some fun, I rested my head onto my hands, and said “Stay here darling”. I almost snarled it though it was meant gentle, as I moodily strode to knock the man in white off his perch.

The man smiled contentedly. He seemingly posses no fear, and was more annoying than the nymphs. “The alien is most aggressive, when observed close to his natural mate. His his goes a deep shade of red, and he lowers his voice down an octave to intimidate the mammal which witness his private life.” Thought the man outload, noting it down in clean font.

“Alien” I bellowed as I now ran towards him, now holding my staff aloft, ready to whack his skull clean off his spine. But then, would you believe it, he vanished and appeared behind me. Walking towards my ‘mate’ he asked Bob, “do you feel certain hormonal chemicals running through your veins, and if so how would you rate your increased mood from 1 to 10?”

I couldn’t believe my ears. I walked up to the man in white and asked firmly “why are you behaving like this mortal?”

“Well a time traveler has to take good notes when observing the first contact between humans and aliens. I’ve travelled very far from the distant future you know, so I'm going to get the data I came for, and I must say kind Sir, you are doing a brilliant job thus far. Professor Jhonson will be most delighted to meet you.”

“Meet me! Listen hear mortal, you have no right to tell me whom I shall meet. I have ruled the heavens along with the Olympians for millennia, and now you shall feel my wrath!”

I created a fiery ball of molten laver and was about to turn the man to ash, such that I could spend some quality time with the dutiful slave when the man in white pushed me into the blue box. Bob was soon to follow saying, “well Darling, an adventure across the stars sounds a great honey moon”. You see he was getting a bit ahead with himself, and thought we might have a nice holiday together.

The man in white looked on with glee at the incredulous look upon my handsome face. Purposefully he reached out and just as I was about to tackle him to the ground, he flicked the leaver and the resulting shock as the blue box entered the spacetime vortex, through me right back into Bob’s lap. Bob hugged me tight, as I felt a little dazed but at least I had enough sense not to try to escape now. Falling out of a blue box into the spacetime vortex, was a really nasty way to die. For you would be burned to a crisp and your ashes would be scattered across the whole of time and space.

Me, Bob and the man in white, where being transported by the blue box far from Greece and into a time way beyond the ancient eons I knew. We opened up to a strange world, full of talking cats which where moving around with sandwiches and buns attached to lunch boxes on their back.

Unfortunately Bob had allergies so kept sneezing as some of the furry peoples came towards us, looking for hugs. I looked all around me, and saw with some astonishment, that my fret-enemy, Achilles was waving down at me from a high stand which looked over the complex. We had a very bad break up you see.

“Nice to see you husband, we are going to be spending SOOO much time together!” he said, smirking.

I couldn't help but be very confused, yes we had tried killing each other at least a dozen times and made passionate love more than twice that, but we where never, well, a couple.

Seeing my bafflement Achilles sighed and said "You can't remember. Well of course you can't. I suppose for you it might not of happened yet?"

"I'm guessing i did something pretty bad" I posited, looking at the way the cat people stared me down as if i was some kind of terrible creature come to destroy them. Given nearly killing him hadn't got have this angry before, I guessed it must of been something like MEGA BAD ASS." Internally I felt very proud of myself. Hiding my own personal admiration behind a masterful poker voice, I said in a soft and calming voice "Anything I can do to make things better between us?"

"Say sorry darling" Achilles growled.

"Sorry" I whispered. I disliked apologizing in public greatly, but judging from the rage apparent in Achilles stare, if we both wanted to walk out here alive and un-maimed, I thought best give it a go. Achilles smiled wickedly, before saying "fool. You can't be sorry for something you have not yet done. And i can't forgive without hearing an apology from my sweetheart, so I think we are going to be in this loop for a very long time."

Then two very gigantic cats blocked the exists, and my familiar said “you have some very angry x’s, did you perhaps give Achilles socks for his birthday, I know that sort of present can turn any man insane?”

Achilles just laughed, saying "well, it was a bit grimmer than that! Isn't that right my lord". Achilles bowed with as much sarcasm ingrained into every motion as possible. "You will make a fine addition to my study Apollo, one very fine addition indeed!".

I couldn't say much. I felt terrible for what had happened between us, even though I had no clue what I should feel terrible about, it was a very strange feeling. In desperation to save myself, I raised my hands to summon lightening but nothing happened. I looked at my finger tips in disbelief. Achilles raised his hands saying "here my dearest, science is the only true god". Bob looked at me and said, "we're SOO dead meat". And I couldn't help but nod and feel for the first time my heart beat that tiny bit faster, as it so often did for mortals, when they where terribly afraid.

[To be continued]