And Then

The fresh ocean breeze caressed my cheeks and brushed my long curls that hung loosely down my back. I drew in a deep breath letting the cool air settle into the depths of my lungs enjoying the freedom as it washed over me. The sun was high in the sky, the ship was out of the harbour and sailing into the open waters. Looking back I saw the dock shrinking slowly, the people running about beginning to look like ants and the sound of the city fading so all that was left was the rushing of water down below. I decided to find my room and get settled.

I pulled the crisp manila tag from my pocket that had all my information scrawled onto it with black ink and checked for my room number. I had booked my ticket for second class, first class seemed too sensational for a woman running from her former life, but third class felt restricting and degrading. I walked across the deck listening to the sound of my shoes against the wooden planks, they were moving according to me now, there was no other external forces driving them. As I rounded to the back I found the entrance to the second class accommodations adjacent to a first class smoke room that littered strands of smoke into the air. I held my breath and pushed forward through the smoke trying not to inhale it's putrid smell and into the hallway of second class rooms.

I made sure that I was in a room exclusively to myself, it didn't bother me to lose out on a bigger room if it meant I could be alone. I found my room and unlocked it with the brass key given to me by the grumpy, old man inspecting papers upon boarding. The room was modest in my eyes, a single bed in the corner with a floral patterned quilt and two big fluffy pillows, an oak writing desk in the corner opposite to the bed, complete with a solid framed chair garnishing a green velvet seat, and a lovely beige settee beside the desk for lounging. An armoire sat against the wall looking onto the bed. Facilities were closed off from the rest of the room with the door being between the bed and armoire and contained a sink, a toilet and a bath tub. The tub wasn't very big, but it would do until I reached New York and found my permanent abode. I let out an exasperated sigh of relief setting my bags on the settee. I was free.

I unpacked carefully putting my toiletries in the bathroom and arranging my clothes in the armoire, I set my diary on the desk atop a stack of papers already present on the desk and aligned my pen with it- I planned to write later in the evening after my first day of solitude. I left my reading material on the quilt, freshened up quickly and decided to explore the grand ship. I could think of no better reason than I wanted to.

For so long I was molded like clay into a model woman, made to sit pretty and be mindless about all matters except for those trivial gossips most women shared amongst the upper class. There was no freedom, I did as I was told and I did it with the grace that I cared very little about. Punishments were firm and dealt out liberally. No more. The final straw snapped when a man, cordially my husband, but a perfect stranger to me, told me I could only read and write what he decided to spare me from overthinking and getting ideas.

• I left my room knowing I wouldn't be missed by the inanimate objects held within and began wandering the ship. I kept to myself, causing annoyances would draw unsolicited attention; no one said anything about a single, harmless girl wandering quietly through the halls where I was sure I wasn't allowed to be, especially in the first class wing. One place that was captivating to me was the storage haul that was filled with crates marked "fragile", trunks locked and strapped closed and, most amazingly, automobiles! Not just one, but a handful of them- four I've counted thus far.

While walking towards one of the autos to admire, a putrid smell permeated the air and stung my nose making me cringe and gag a little. I moved around the car and noticed it was the strongest at the back towards the driver side where a crate was pushed up against the wall. Curiosity overtook me so I began inspecting the crate finding it was nailed shut. I recalled seeing a crow bar sitting in the back of the third vehicle I surveyed and ran to grab it reminding myself to put it back once I was done. I popped two corners open and pushed the lid up to peer inside. My heart lurched into my throat forcing a yelp from my throat. Inside was a person!

I collected myself quickly then lifted the lid again seeing two green eyes look back at me with absolute terror at having been found. I knew then she wasn't supposed to be here and decided to be humble with her.

" Why are you hiding in this crate?" I watched her swallow slowly forming her thoughts, choosing her answer that I was confident I already knew. Taking pity on her I extended my hand down to her and helped her out.

"Since you found me there's no point in lyin', I was hidin' to get on the boat with no ticket," she replied already comfortable sharing her predicament with me.

I was taking her in, though, not analyzing her answer. She was a few inches taller than me who stood at five feet four inches, long curly red tresses that were not brushed or washed it seemed, her skin creamy white and her face full of freckles. Her dress- if you can call it that- was stained with scat and wrinkled. What took me back was her feet: she was bare foot! Not just bare foot, bare legged; all this girl was wearing was her dress or frock or whatever it was supposed to be.

"When was the last time you had a bath?" How brash of me to ask, something that would not have passed in my former life.

"Now that's none o' your business," she retorted in clear offence then hung her head in shame. I couldn't bare the fact that I was the one to cause that indignation so I took my coat off and offered it to her.

"Put this on and come with me," I held my hand out to her for the second time and, again, she took it trusting me more than anyone should trust a perfect stranger. I began leading her back to my room.

"If anyone asks you are my sister and had a mishap and need to clean up, but if we mind ourselves no one will regard us casually walking together. By the way, I'm Ali, short for Alexandria. Might I get your name?"

"Hadley, like bein' called Lily instead. Pretty flowers, those." Her grammar made every inch of my body recoil and shiver. That could be managed later, right now hygiene was my priority for Lily.

In my room I found a dress that would work for Lily and set her up in the bath. I had enough extras to dress Lily properly until we made America at least. When I picked up her one article of clothing I decided it was better in the rubbish bin. As she came out of the bathroom I noted how charming she looked all cleaned up and dressed accordingly, I smiled at her and saw the slightest twinkle in the corner of her eye as she smiled back at me. "There. That's much better." I took my brush and sat her on the edge of the bed working through her long curls and pinned them up into a soft twist. How extraordinarily elegant she looked now.

That's when her stomach grumbled alerting me to the fact that she probably hadn't eaten recently. A delicious aroma wafted around from the café at the back of the ship when I was finding my room and I told myself to have a tea and a sandwich once I was settled. Without a second thought Lily and I stole out for lunch.

I ordered a bowl of soup and a sandwich with a small cup of tea on the side, but I was too involved watching Lily eat her sandwich. I shouldn't be bothered since I was leaving the life of propriety, but I couldn't help being mildly embarrassed as she grabbed a spoon slurping loudly on her soup and demolishing her sandwich alternating between bites and slurps. Lily hadn't even unfolded her napkin so I knew it wasn't resting on her lap catching all the crumbs like a safety net. Once she was finished eating she picked up her cup of tea and drank it all in one single shot. A small giggle escaped my lips as she set down her tea cup with vivacity.

"What?" she looked at me quizzically.

"Nothing at all. As long as you're filled, I suppose", I replied trying to hide my amusement at her sheer ignorance of manners. Of course, we were getting looks and a few people were sneering at us watching Lily eat and drink in a distasteful manner. I swallowed my pride, it wasn't worth drawing more attention to us by getting mad at them. I paid the bill and we went out walking along the deck.

I decided to take this time to ask Lily about herself, but before I could she asked me first. If I wanted any chance of getting her story it was only fair that I shared mine. I began the long, tormented tale of being born into a first class family. I was the only daughter amongst five brothers so it was important that I kept up appearances for my family as it was my brother's duty to carry on the business and the name. I went through etiquette school to be told how to be a lady. Furthermore, I was dressed up and exhibited in front of eligible bachelors like a cow on the market. My hand was given, by my father, to someone in marriage. I never met the man before our wedding, so I was hardly ready for the wedding night. I turned to the one constant I had that I knew would provide a little serenity, I sat and wrote in my journal about the whole experience. Unfortunately, my husband felt that he was entitled to read my personal journal without permission and gave his opinion about it. He told me I was no longer allowed to write without permission and he had to read it himself subsequently. I packed up after he fell into a drunken stupor and left without any declaration and no plans to return.

"You write?" Lily looked astonished. What was so curious about a grown woman knowing how to write? It dawned on me then that she was probably illiterate.

"Well, what about you? Where are you from and where are you going? Where is your family?" By this time I was genuinely curious to know about this strange girl and her past.

"Dead. All of 'em." That was it, that was all she offered about the matter and I didn't have the heart to push her further into what was likely the cause of her departure.

"Would you like to stay with me in my room? It's plenty big enough for the two of us surely and it would be more accommodating than hiding in a crate for a week." I knew giving up my privacy went against what I strived for since abandoning everything, but I couldn't possibly let her go back to a crate.

"If your offerin' then I'll take it." She smiled proudly at her acceptance of my proposal.

We sat on the bed together back in the room when Lily looked over at the desk and saw my diary. She jaunted over to it and thumbed through the pages carefully tracing her finger along the printed ink with a look of longing in her eyes.

"I can teach you, if you'd like. How to read and write I mean. It isn't that hard and you'd probably learn quickly with some hard work." Joy shone out radiantly from her face at my offer. With that, we sat and started with the basics before calling it a night. I tucked her in on the settee while I took the bed. Just before I extinguished the lamp Lily mumbled in a torpid state, "thank you," before snoring softly.

Day two swept a cold arctic breeze across the deck billowing in our dresses as we walked around reviewing letter sounds out loud. Lily was able to remember every letter after only just learning them the night before and was ready for more, I assured her that practice is key. I trialed some small, easily pronounced words with her which she sounded out incredibly quick. I had no doubt she would be reading and writing at a basic level by the end of the week.

"Let's head back to the cabin for awhile; it's quite brisk out here and my dress is blowing up like a circus tent," I offered. Lily chuckled and rebuked with the notion of running around to stay warm instead. I was mortified when she hiked her dress all the way up, held the bulk of it in the crook of one arm and ran off in front of me while I stood gawking at her display of insanity. People stared after her looking almost frightened by this stranger running with her undergarments visible. I lifted my dress barely above the ankle- still much too informal for a lady- and walked expeditiously after her.

"Lily! Put your dress down right now!" I hissed in anger. "People are staring and your underwear are totally exposed!"

"Why should I worry what they think? Not like they know me or somethin'." She shrugged unbothered by her hysterical display moments earlier. Her answer stopped me from retorting: she was right, why should we worry about what others think when they don't know us? I took a deep breath and put my hand on her back walking slowly with her.

I explained that she must be conscious of her manners if she was to stay in second class with me, ladies would never misbehave as she was unless they were from the third class. Her nose wrinkled often and, with all my integrity, I felt mine wrinkle too. I was starting to sound like my mother and madame, molding clay that wanted to crumble instead. We both made it back to the cabin and sat cross legged, comfily, on the bed and continued with letter sounds and formulating easy words.

The next day, day three, Lily was already writing sentences with fluidity and coherency and mild direction from me about proper spelling and using punctuation. Once in awhile I would read an exert from my book and have her read one back to me to enforce enunciating words. We often lost track of time and decided on getting an early dinner today after we missed lunch.

I sat listening to Lily read an exert to me while I ate. She stuttered once in awhile with a word, otherwise you'd never know she was illiterate two days prior. I picked up my bowl and slurped the last of the broth from my chicken soup then set it down again.

"That was brilliant, Lily. You're getting quite good at reading out loud. Reading this short story you've composed for me I find your writing to be improving just as well. However, you use the phrase 'and then' with every change in the plot. Perhaps you could try a transition word or phrase or even a semi colon to combine sentences." Her face was as blank as freshly fallen snow causing me to giggle; that would be our next lesson. I drank my cup of tea with one swallow and we galavanted back to the cabin.

Lily shivered even under the weight of the blanket I had managed to scavenge for her. The air was cold outside on the deck and if you stood by the railing the spray of the salt water said it was much colder than just the air. Our mistake was hanging about outside too long after our meal creating a chill that settled into our bones. I opened my quilt and patted the bed beside me, inviting her into the last bit of personal space I had. When she curled up next to me, though, I felt comforted and not annoyed as I thought I would.

"What you plan on doin' in America?" Lily's grammar had improved, but when she was tired or relaxing idly in the cabin she let it slip, I found I didn't want to correct it in these moments either.

"I don't know exactly, I haven't planned that far ahead. I just needed to get out of there, you know. I felt trapped." She nodded, part of me felt that she knew exactly what I meant and, yet, how could she? We were from two different worlds.

"What about you? What's your plan?" I asked, I didn't think she had one truthfully, but I wanted to hear it from her.

"I plan on livin'. What else can you do?" Astoundingly, she was one of the wisest people I recall ever meeting because she was right. Yawning and stretching out, the two of us snuggled into the warm blankets allowing dreams to take us away.

I awoke in the morning just as Lily yawned and rubbed her eyes open then smiled with a pleasant good morning. It felt like a good morning to me and I was eager to get started with the lessons for the day. We started each morning with a good breakfast and a quick walk around the deck, so off we went. The sun was up and the breeze didn't feel quite as cold as it had in the mornings before, I was brave enough to make our walk with my coat just hanging on my arm and swinging the skirt of dress gayly as we walked.

"What's the matter with you?" Lily asked looking at me like I was losing my mind slowly. I smiled at her and held my hand out to her swinging them to and fro when she took it in her own.

"I don't know, I'm just enjoying our short time together. I feel we have both come so far together and losing this good feeling will hinder us." She looked at me thoughtfully and smiled, agreeing without using words. The day carried on like this with us just enjoying each other's company. As the afternoon waned on we both fell into a slumber on the bed.

We woke awhile later both famished from missing noon mealtime and afternoon tea time combined with all our hard work before falling asleep. On the deck I turned to Lily and challenged her with a race to the cafe for dinner. Lily bolted off without waiting for a count down and I laughed holding up my dress running after her. I was panting when we reached the door to the cafe and Lily's face held pride and joy at having won, I wasn't about to ruin that for her so we patted shoulders and went in for dinner.

Back in the cabin we sat going over our work from earlier, neither of us tired. Lily was silently reading my book while I scanned over her new short story she wrote after working on transitions. I felt defeated seeing that she still wasn't grasping the concept of transitions very well.

" I like the plot you have in the story, but I don't like how you use 'and then' after each situation or problem still," watching her face fall in dismay my heart sank.

"Let's take a break, you've done so much and progressed tremendously already," I encouraged needing a respite from all the teaching I undertook.

We decided to take a quick walk around the deck for some air before calling it a night. As we were leaving our room we noticed people running around the halls in a state of panic. Adults rushed to and from rooms, kids cried as they were awakened from their slumber, women shrieked at men trying to do their best to keep a calm environment. We looked at each other in astonishment, I reached for her hand and she took it gratefully as we walked onto the deck where it was even more chaotic than the hallways.

"Hey! You there!" Lily shouted at a man adorned in a sailors outfit- clearly part of the working men on the ship. "What's this all about? Why's everyone freakin' out?"

"Haven't you heard already? The ship is sinking!" He ran away.

Everything in my body dropped in fear and shock. We were sinking. Suddenly all the sounds around me faded slowly until it was all just a hum floating around my head. I could hear my heart beat and my blood flow through my entire body, my breathing was shallow and hitched as I processed what we were facing. I felt a hand on my shoulder, firm and reassuring. I looked over to Lily who was watching me with great concern; that's when everything snapped back and I could hear all chaos and commotion once again.

"Did you hear that man loadin' them boats? There isn't enough to fit everyone! What are we gonna do if we can't get on a boat?" Lily started her spiral, it was my turn to snap her out of it. I grabbed both her shoulders and squeezed firmly and reassuringly.

"We will make it through this, Lily. Remember, you're my sister and I'm second class, I have some priority. Let's just get into the crowd and wait to get onto one of the boats." Lily nodded slowly, taking deep breaths.

Both of us stood at the railing waiting patiently while the safety boats were loaded and lowered into the water carefully. The musicians stood in the middle of the deck playing happy melodies on their instruments which made it easy to tune out the cries and imprecations from passengers being separated from their families or denied access onto the safety boats. A few times we craned our necks and saw red flares go up into the night sky in a plea for help.

"Why is there only one person sittin' on that bench there? They could fit two or three", Lily observed with irritability. I wanted to argue back, but I had nothing to say, I agreed with Lily. I simply slipped my hand into her and huddled close to her as we both shivered from the cold air around us.

After what felt like an hour of standing and waiting patiently and being pushed back a few times, Lily asked to no one in particular, "how much longer?"

Before I could answer an inexplicable hum sounded through the vessel taking all the lights with us. We were shrouded in darkness which amplified the cold air we were desperately trying to fend off. Passengers began to scream and push harder towards the safety boats in a futile attempt at getting off the doomed ship. The musicians stopped playing music in confusion and decided to play a sad melancholic melody amidst the pandemonium.

"Ali! We have to do somethin'!" Seeing Lily's bedraggled face full of fear brought memories back of days earlier when I found her in that crate. Would she still be there now? Would she know about the mess we currently standing in? I couldn't fog my mind with thoughts of what might have happened when the here and now was pressing.

As I began formulating an answer for Lily, the port side began to lift out of the water as the bow dipped down. I grabbed onto a vertical piece of railing that was now horizontal like a kid on monkey bars. I looked down in search for Lily, then up and saw her hanging on the railing just above me. Items began to fall into the water with great splashes; it took a moment to realize some of those 'items' were actually people. I let out a terrible cry at the absolute horror of the situation. A loud crack sounded through the dark and cold night before the ship split in two; with a giant whoosh the port side of the boat splashed back into the water.

I fell to the deck and let go of the railing recovering quickly. I went over to Lily and helped her up asking if she was hurt. She shook her head and looked me in the eyes, I knew she witnessed the same terrifying circumstances that I had when the boat was tipped. We simultaneously hugged each other when we both felt the same tipping sensation again- we were being dragged down by the bow of the ship. We grabbed the same piece of railing in a hurry as the port was once again lifted out of the water.

"Can you swim?" Why was this not something we talked about before being on a giant boat sailing in the ocean? She nodded and I made up my mind: we needed to jump or we would get dragged down by the boat. I reached my hand out to her for what felt like the final time. She took it with a knowing look on her face.

"Would I use a semi colon here or a transition word?" She asked raising my hopes just a little at the peril we faced.

"And then," I said with finality before we both let go of the railing and fell into the icy water.