All’s Fair in Love

Thursday-

I stood poised behind the counter, my feet perfectly balanced. The dart was pinched neatly between my fingers. A carnie with a greasy-looking gray beard was watching me, but I barely noticed him, or his lazy eye on my every move, or his wheezy breath. All my senses were fixed on a purple balloon straight ahead of me. I narrowed my eyes and took a few steps back, careful that my feet didn’t kick up any plumes of dust from the dirty ground below me. I couldn’t let anything impair my sight now. From my less-than-perfect vision, the balloon looked about the right distance away for the dart to hit.

With just the slightest bit of force, and the perfect bend of the elbow, flick of the wrist combo, I threw the dart. It hit the ground, a solid foot-and-a-half from the purple balloon.

“No!” yelled Lauren, who had been watching from behind me.

“That was my last quarter,” I said, just loudly enough that I knew the carnie at the counter could hear me. I glanced at him, but he shook his head.

“Fair’s fair, little missy!” he said in a nasally voice. “If you can’t hit a balloon, then you lose! That means no prize!”

I frowned and looked up at the prize wall. Giant stuffed animals with neon-colored fur hung from the roof, almost completely covering the top row of the poster wall. A tantalizing selection, but those bears and monkeys weren’t the real prize. They were the distraction, blocking the prize I was after from full view. I could still see it though, right behind a fat, pink, stuffed unicorn. An old poster of Taylor Swift, with her hair curled, playing a guitar. The background was blue, and it would look perfect on that empty space on my bedroom wall.

I needed to pop three balloons to win it.

“I have another dollar if you want to try again,” Lauren said. “But then we can’t get fries.”

“My mom has more money,” I said. “We can get some when we check in.”

“Great!” Lauren smiled widely—something she’d been doing a lot more lately, since last year, when she’d gotten her braces off. “Let’s go then!”

I followed my best friend through the crowd of people all gathered for the county fair. We bumped into bodies that were sweaty from the August heat and made hasty apologies to them while we rushed to the parking grounds. I almost had a hard time keeping up with Lauren. She had run cross country last year and had gotten a lot faster and less clumsy. She was also hard to see in the mass of people. Lauren was a lot shorter than most fifteen-year-olds.

We reached one of the many entrances to the fair grounds and made sure to get our hands stamped on the way out. I would never make that mistake again, not after having to pay a second time to get back in yesterday. I had only been gone for five minutes, and I knew the man running the ticket booth recognized me. He was just a mean carnie that wanted to get as much money from me as he could. They all were, the creeps who worked the fair. That was how it always worked, year after year.

Lauren and I reached my mom’s car, towards the back of the parking grounds. Her car windows were rolled all the way down, and the air conditioning was blasting on high. My mom was reading some novel with a shirtless guy on the front and listening to Nickelback at full volume. I rolled my eyes.

“Mom?”

“Chloe?” Mom tossed the book in the glove compartment, looking a little embarrassed. Quickly, she turned the radio volume down and the bass died. “You girls ready to go already?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

I couldn’t help but notice how disappointed she sounded. Mom had always hated the fair. It was something my dad usually took me to. Mom had agreed to bring me this year because she had ‘had a change of heart.’ I thought she just felt bad about the divorce and thought that this would be enough to make it up to me. As if.

Like, seriously? What could possibly be going on in her brain? ‘Sorry that your birthday and Christmas and just about everything else will be ruined for the rest of your life now, but what if I took you to the summer fair one time, and we call it even?’

“We just need more money,” I told her.

“You ran out that quickly?” Mom said. “You’ve only been here two hours!”

“She’s been playing the balloon game all day,” Lauren said.

“Why?” Mom asked.

“I’m trying to win a poster.”

“Oh? What of?” Mom said. “Because if it’s that Harry Syles, I think your sister has enough of those that she can share with you. Actually, I was just telling her yesterday that I think she ought to—"

I rolled my eyes again. “It’s Harry Styles, Mom. And no, that’s not who I want.”

My sister Jenna’s room was practically a shrine to Harry Styles. It was even more embarrassing than my mom’s not-so-secret addiction to cheesy, middle-aged, romance novels.

“No,” Lauren said. “She wants—”

“Just anything,” I interrupted. “I just want to cover up that empty wall by my closet.”

“Well, I suppose that’s not a bad investment, as long as you’re not thinking about poking holes in my walls with thumbtacks. Or tape. It’ll peel the paint off whenever you take it down.”

I resist the urge to roll my eyes again. How was I supposed to hang a poster without tape or thumbtacks? But I don’t say anything. Backtalk means no money, and no money means no poster.

Mom reached over and grabbed her purse from the passenger’s seat. She pulled out a twenty-dollar bill and held it out for me. Right before I could take it, she quickly snatched her hand back. “But this is the last I’m giving you. Make it count for today and tomorrow.”

“I will,” I said.

Mom smiled and handed me the bill. “Well, you girls have fun then!”

“We will!” Lauren said.

Lauren turned and hurried back to the fair grounds. I looked back at my mom, who was engrossed back in her book. I guess she deserved a sappy story every once in a while. After things had gone so wrong with Dad, she probably wanted a love story with a better ending. Although, I wasn’t sure a book with some Fabio-looking guy riding half-naked on a horse into a sunset was the best place to go looking for one.

I turned and followed Lauren. At the entrance, I made sure to show off my handstamp to the carnie running the booth. He scowled at us as we rushed into the fair without paying another penny.

“What a scammer,” I said to Lauren, making sure that the carnie was just within earshot. “He so wanted to charge us to get in again.”

“Do you want to go back to the balloon game?” Lauren asked.

“Not right now,” I said. “I’m starving!”

“You wanna get fries then?” she asked, nudging me with her elbow. I smiled. She knew as well as I did that no fair day was finished until we had fries.

We moved slowly through the mob of people surrounding just about every food booth that the fair had to offer. There were at least five different booths selling fries, and some of them were closer. But Lauren and I knew that the best fry station was down by animal barns. It wasn’t as popular as the others because I guess some people can’t stand the smell of a little manure while they eat, so the fries there were like an untapped gold mine. We fought our way through grouchy old people who cussed at us when we bumped into them and through mothers with unruly toddlers causing a ruckus. Then we spent only five minutes waiting to get to the front of the line at the booth and order.

I’d take a little manure smell any day to avoid a thirty-minute wait in this heat.

“Are you excited about going to our first homecoming this year?” I asked Lauren.

She nodded. “Oh my God, yes!”

“Hey, maybe we could match our dresses,” I said.

“Yeah, maybe.” Lauren turned to look ahead, then moved up in the line.

Another gross-looking carnie with a blackened tooth took our order. We got two helpings of fries and doused them in an unhealthy amount of salt, vinegar, and ketchup. It looked disgusting, but it was Lauren and I’s signature french fry recipe.

We carried them over to some picnic tables, holding the fries above our heads, so we didn’t crash into anyone and spill them. We narrowly avoided stepping in a suspicious looking pile of muck in the middle of the walkway before finding our seats.

I pulled one of the slimiest-looking fries off the top of my carton and nearly swallowed it whole like a worm. “These never get old!”

Lauren picked at hers more delicately, not letting any of the ketchup stain her fingers. Her nails were painted baby pink. “Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Lauren said. “I did want to ask you something though.”

“Yeah?”

“Just, what if we don’t end up hanging out at homecoming?” Lauren said. “I mean, what if we go with dates?”

“Like who?” I said, shoving two more fries in my mouth.

“I don’t know,” Lauren said. “Dominic Carson had a crush on you last year.”

“Ew!” I nearly spat out the half-chewed fry in my mouth. “No way I would go with him!”

“Why not?”

“He ate a spider two years ago at a football game!”

“Oh, and you’re so much better!” Lauren said, laughing and looking down at my greasy hands, covered with ketchup.

“I don’t eat bugs!”

“Okay, fair,” Lauren said. “But some other guy might ask you.”

I shrugged. “I doubt it.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to say no to someone just so you can go with me.”

“Are you kidding?” I laughed. “I’d rather go with you. All the guy’s in our class are jerks!”

“Maybe a sophomore will ask you then,” Lauren said. “They’re probably more mature.”

“Still,” I said. “My sister says homecoming sucks when you go with a date. Last year, her boyfriend spent the entire night out in the parking lot with his friends drinking cause some guy snuck in beer, and she was all by herself the whole dance!”

“Wow,” Lauren said.

“Yeah.” Realizing that I didn’t grab any napkins, I wiped my greasy hands on the side of my jeans. “Guys are jerks.”

“Um, Chloe?” Lauren said. “Are you sure you really think all guys are jerks?”

“Sure seems like it.”

Lauren glanced around her, and I knew what she was about to ask. We had a pact that we never, ever brought up what happened with my parents around people that we went to school with. The coast was clear, and I tensed as Lauren spoke. “Are you sure this isn’t about your dad?”

“No,” I said. “I mean, obviously he’s a jerk too, but that just proves my point.”

“What point?”

“All men are jerks!”

“Fine,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “But if somebody cool asks you, don’t be afraid to say yes!”

“Well, I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, and I didn’t even try to mask the sarcasm in my voice.

“Chloe.”

“What?”

“Come on.”

“What?”

“Be fair,” Lauren said. “Tell me that if somebody cool asks me, I can say yes.”

“Someone cool? Who we go to school with?” I said. “Seriously, like who?”

Lauren shrugged, nibbling a french fry.

“Who?” I asked, but she didn’t answer. Her face blushed, and I smiled at her. My stomach was in knots just wondering who my best friend’s crush might be “Who?” I pleaded.

“You’ll make fun of me.”

I leaned forward, banging my hands on the table, our french fries jumping with the beat. “Tell me! Tell me!”

Lauren sighed. “Tyler Coleman.”

I pulled away from Lauren, grabbing my throat and making a gagging sound. Lauren scowled at me and sat up straight. “I knew you were gonna laugh!”

“I’m not laughing,” I said. “I just choked on a fry!”

“You ate all your fries!” Lauren said. “Tyler’s not so bad.”

“He’s a football player!”

“Yeah, and?”

“Jocks are meatheads,” I said. “Aren’t you the one who told me that last year?”

“Tyler and I worked together on a math project last year,” Lauren said. “And he’s actually really nice and not stupid at all!”

“Yeah, and he hangs out with a lot of other guys who suck, like John and Kyle and Brody,” I said. “You’ll end up alone in the gym will they chug beers in the parking lot, I’m telling you.”

“Whatever,” Lauren said. “You asked who I would want to go with, not who would actually ask me.”

I laughed. “You’re right.” I looked down at the half-eaten carton of fries in front of her. “Are you gonna finish those?”

Lauren shook her head. She reached over and dumped half of her fries into my carton. “Go nuts.”

We ate the rest of our fries while we talked about our upcoming class schedules. I wasn’t happy about having to take gym alone, since Lauren got phys-ed credit from cross country. She was excited about being placed in advanced math again this year. I couldn’t help but think about the fact that meant she would be taking math with Tyler Coleman, probably, who was in the honors program with her last year.

I didn’t know why I hated it so much. Lauren and I had been best friends since the second grade. We talked about everything together. Lauren always told me about her crushes—movie star crushes and real crushes. It had never bothered me before, her talking about who she thought was hot, who she thought was just kind of cute, and who she thought would look cute with me. But now, listening to my best friend talking about us not going to our first homecoming together, just so we could dance with guys? It just felt weird and different.

I guessed that I just didn’t want to see her get her heart broken, like my dad had done to Mom.

“Are you okay,” Lauren asked, while we were about to enter the horse barns. “Chloe?”

“What?”

“You look like you’re about to be sick,” she said.

“Oh, it’s probably just all the vinegar,” I said.

“Do you want to go home?” Lauren asked. “We already saw the horses yesterday.”

“I guess we probably should,” I said. “It’s getting dark, and my mom won’t have any reading light.”

Lauren shrugged. She grabbed our empty cartons and tossed them in the trash. “Okay. We can try the balloon game again tomorrow if you want. But it’s shit anyways, so honestly, who cares?”

Lauren had started cussing last year, after some dude at lunch had called her a priss for saying “freaking” instead of the F-word. It still felt unnatural to me, the way she danced over curse words as she was saying them, like she wasn’t sure if she could still get her mouth washed out with soap for it or not.

When we left the fair that night, something really felt different. Lauren was quiet most the ride home. We didn’t talk anymore about homecoming or classes, or the upcoming year of school at all. The whole ride back to her house, she mostly just stared out the window. She didn’t even silent-laugh with me at my mom’s music. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I still felt a little nauseous. So, instead, I just leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes.

Lauren gave me a quick goodbye when we reached her house. She thanked my mom for the ride, then got out of the car and hurried off. I crawled over the console between the car’s front seats—legs awkwardly angled in the air as I maneuvered the narrow space and awkwardly shuffled into he front of the car--and took the passenger’s seat next to my mom. She shook her head.

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” she said.

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t feel like getting out and back in.”

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” my mom asked. “You seem upset.”

“I’m fine.”

Mom pulled out of Lauren’s driveway, waiting until we were a distance away from her house to talk. “Is it because of Lauren? Are you two fighting?”

I crossed my arms over my upset stomach. Did my mom know Lauren had a crush on Tyler Coleman? No, she couldn’t, and it wouldn’t be her business if she did anyway. “What?”

“I ran into her mom at Walmart yesterday,” Mom said. “And we got to talking.”

“About what?”

Mom cleared her throat. “Well, she was buying a whole lot of snacks and things. Chips, pop, frozen pizzas, you know.”

“Yeah, Mom, I know what snacks are.”

“Apparently Lauren was having a little sleep over. I kept waiting for you to say that she had invited you over, but you never did. I didn’t know if maybe you were feeling left out, now that she’s making new friends for high school, and well…”

Mom’s voice trailed off.

“Well what?” I bit back.

“Well,” she said. “It doesn’t really seem like you have been.”

I didn’t say anything, just stared down at my shoes.

Mom glanced away from the road, looking at me and frowning. “Chloe, I know making friends has always been difficult for you, but–”

“You know what?” I said as I turned to stare aggressively out the window. “It’s fine. Like, obviously Lauren is allowed to have other friends. It doesn’t matter.”

“Are you sure?” Mom asked.

I shrugged. “Yeah.”

Was I?

Honestly, I didn’t know. I knew Lauren had other friends, and it wasn’t like she had to tell me everything she did when I wasn’t around. But it was weird that it never came up; we had been hanging out a lot lately over the summer, and I did always kind of wonder why Lauren seemed to like to keep me separate from the rest of her friends.

But what really bothered me was that my mother felt the need to point out that it was hard for me to make friends.

It never used to be.

In elementary school, I was able to make friends with just about anyone. Then we started middle school, and everything changed. My classmates changed, and somehow, I was just different. I was different than everyone around me, but I wasn’t sure in what way.

My dad had brought it up with me once, before the divorce. He used to call me kiddo and ask me how I was doing. I never had a problem telling him when things were starting to get a bit rough, and he never struggled to cheer me up. At least, before the divorce. After that, I never really liked to bother him with my stupid high school problems.

It wasn’t the same with Mom. I just couldn’t talk to her the same way that I talked to Dad.

“So what’s bothering you, honey?” My mom asked.

I turned to look out the window. I didn’t want to meet my mom’s eyes. I didn’t know what was bothering me. I really didn’t.

Back home I went to bed as soon as we got there, even though it was only eight-thirty. Walking into my room, I glanced at the empty space on my wall. I imaged the Taylor Swift poster there, covering up the spot where the paint was darker, kept from fading by a picture I had taken down. Then I looked at the other wall, above my bed. A photo hung there of Lauren and I from our eighth-grade graduation. We had our arms around each other, and Lauren was grinning like a superstar, showing off her braces-free smile. I didn’t look as happy as she did. My face was pale aside from a deep pink blush on my cheeks, making me look more nervous than anything else.

I checked my phone, ignoring a text from my dad. Then I crawled into bed, thinking about Lauren standing like that with Tyler Coleman–his arms around her, smiling. I thought about them dancing together at homecoming. Lauren looked beautiful in a deep blue dress and her hair perfectly curled. In my imagination, Tyler Coleman was an ugly fool. His hair was a mess and his face was broken out, and sweat was starting to bleed through the underarms of his cheap tuxedo jacket. He danced like an idiot, and Lauren was humiliated to be seen with him.

That was not the truth, though. Most the girls in my class thought Tyler was the hottest person in school.

I disagreed.

Friday–

“Jenna, come on!” I said, knocking on the bathroom door. “Lauren wants me to meet her at noon!”

“I’ll be out in just a few minutes,” my sister said, but her voice was drowned out by the sound of water hitting tile. Jenna always took long showers, and I knew it would be way longer than just a few minutes before she was out.

“I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet!” I said and hit the door harder. “I need to get ready!”

The bathroom door opened, just wide enough for Jenna to stick her hand out. She was holding my toothbrush and a bottle of toothpaste. “Just use the kitchen sink!”

“I need to do my hair and makeup too!” I said.

“You don’t wear makeup!” Jenna said.

I took the toothbrush and paste from her hands, and she slammed the door shut. I heard the lock turn and the shower curtain being pulled open, then closed. The debate was over. I groaned, then headed into the kitchen.

Mom was sitting at the table, sipping from her coffee mug. She had the newspaper in front of her, but I could tell from the rectangular shape in it that her book was hidden underneath. I went to the sink and started brushing my teeth.

“Chloe, what are you doing?” Mom asked.

“Brushing my teeth,” I answered through a mouthful of foamy, toothpaste-spit.

“What?”

I spat out the toothpaste in the sink. “I’m brushing my teeth in the kitchen because Jenna’s hogging the bathroom again!”

Mom nodded. “Well, she’s got a date tonight, so I imagine she wants to doll herself up.”

“Yeah, but I have to meet Lauren at the fair in an hour!”

“It’s just the fair,” Mom said.

“I wanted to put on some makeup though,” I said.

Mom frowned, narrowing her eyes at me. “Since when did you start wearing makeup?”

“Well,” I said. “Since I’m in high school this year, I wanted to start.”

Mom smiled, laughing. “Wanna start trying to impress all those boys?”

“Mom!” I said.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about!” she said. “Lord knows your sister went through it when she started high school.”

“I’m not boy-crazy like Jenna!” I said.

“Oh, I don’t mean it like that,” Mom said. “All I mean is that it’s normal for girls your age to start to see boys in a different way.”

“Mom…”

“You’re going to start having crushes,” she went on, completely ignoring the mortified look on my face. “And it’s going to feel really weird at first. You might not understand what it is that you’re feeling, and that’s what moms are here for! I want you to feel comfortable talking to me about these things, because it might make it easier.”

“Mom, okay,” I said. “I really gotta get dressed now.”

I spit another glob of toothpaste into the sink, and I saw my mother cringe.

“You know, you really shouldn’t do that in the kitchen sink–”

But I was already out of the kitchen before she could finish her sentence.

I hurried back to my room before my mom could say anything more. I really didn’t want to listen to her talk about me dating or being boy-crazy or spitting in the kitchen sink. It felt like it would only be a matter of time before she asked me if I wanted to start reading her gross romance novels. I shuddered.

Going through my dresser, I couldn’t find anything I wanted to wear. I didn’t have anything other than band t-shirts, plaid, and jeans. None of it compared to the pretty, flowery dresses that my sister wore every day, even in the winter. God, the way guys at school went crazy over her just because she didn’t wear jeans was frankly sickening. And stupid.

I settled for a plain red shirt and a pair of darker jeans. It looked at least a little dressier than my usual wardrobe.

Out in the hallway, I could still hear the shower running in the bathroom. Jenna would be in there for at least half an hour to finish bathing and blow her hair dry. That was all the time I needed. I snuck past the kitchen, so my mom didn’t hear and ask what I was doing. Then I slipped into Jenna’s bedroom.

The white wood of Jenna’s top dresser drawer had tan-colored stains on it that I guessed were from her face makeup, so I guessed that was where she kept it. I opened the drawer and rooted through the many containers of lipstick, concealer, and eyeshadow. I didn’t need anything that fancy, mostly because I didn’t know how to use any of it properly, and some of it I wasn’t sure what it was used for at all. Like, what was the difference between foundation and concealer anyway? I settled on just a little bit of mascara.

I squinted into the mirror on Jenna’s wall. My reflection looked blurry from the cheap, fake glass, but I didn’t suppose it was too difficult to put on mascara. I leaned as close as I could to the mirror and held the wand up to my eye. My hand shook while I tried to coat my eyelashes. My arm jerked. The mascara hit me directly in the eye.

“Ow!” I yelled and dropped the wand to the floor. I reached up to hold my eye, tears streaming out of it. “Ow! Ow! Ow!”

“Chloe?” I heard my mom’s voice calling from the kitchen. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine!” I yelled. I hurried up and shut Jenna’s door. Looking back at the dresser, my blood froze. There was a black stain left on Jenna’s white carpet from the mascara wand that I had dropped. I needed to clean it up before Jenna saw it, but she was still in the bathroom. Where was I supposed to find a washcloth?

“Chloe?” There was a knock at the door. “What are you doing in your sister’s room?”

“Nothing, Mom,” I said.

I looked in the mirror, frowning. My eye was bloodshot and still watering. I had streaks of mascara all over the bottom lid. I tried rubbing it off with my hand, but it only smeared it, making the black spot more noticeable. I resembled something of a raccoon that had been caught rummaging through someone’s trashcan at night.

The door opened, and Mom stepped through. She gasped. “Chloe! What a mess!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I said, rubbing furiously at my eye. The tears started to wash away the leftover mascara. “I was just trying it out!”

“Sweetie, why are you crying?” Mom asked.

“It burns!” I said. “I got it in my eye, and it burns!”

Mom shook her head. She came over and put her arm around my back. “No, honey, you’re really crying.”

I looked back in the mirror. My whole face was red now, and tears were falling from both my eyes. I realized that my eye didn’t hurt anymore, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying.

“Chloe, what is wrong?” Mom guided me over to the bed and sat me down. She knelt in front of me. “What is going on with you?”

“I don’t know!” I said. “I don’t know! I just got frustrated.”

“Why?” Mom said. “What’s so important about putting on makeup today?”

“Nothing,” I said, wiping the last few tears from my eyes. “I just wanted it to look good, and I messed it up.”

“Oh, Chloe, you don’t need to wear any makeup. You’re a lovely young lady all on your own.” Mom stood up and gave me a gentle hug. “Why don’t we head up to the fair? Better to get you out of the house before your sister sees what you’ve done to her carpet.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said.

While I sat in my room to settle down, Mom grabbed her purse and her book. Then, once she was ready, we got in the car to leave. Before pulling out of the driveway, she handed me another twenty-dollar bill.

“I thought you weren’t giving me any more money,” I said.

Mom shrugged. “Figured you’d want to go again tomorrow anyways.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”

By the time we got to the fair grounds, the redness in my face was gone. No one would be able to tell that I had been crying over mascara just an hour earlier. I got out of the car, and my mom cracked open her book. I hurried to the front entrance, ready to see Lauren. She always cheered me up on a bad day, so seeing her would be just what I needed. I let the carnie stamp my hand then texted Lauren to find out where she was.

I’m up at the horse barns, said Lauren’s text. I rushed as quickly as I could through the crowd—even bigger on a Friday afternoon—to get to her.

I reached the horse barns in record time. Then I saw her. Lauren was sitting on some bleachers, watching the horse show. Sunlight shined on her warm brown hair, almost making it look red. She was wearing a button-down shirt and capris, and she looked a thousand times prettier than I ever could. Her eyes were outlined lightly in black mascara.

“Lauren!” I called, running over to her. “Hey, Lauren!”

When Lauren turned to look at me, she smiled. That quickly turned into a frown. “Chloe, are you okay? Were you crying?”

I reached the bleachers, and Lauren climbed down to meet me. “I’m fine,” I said.

“Was it your dad?” she asked. “Did he try and call you again?”

“No,” I said. “Well, actually he texted me, but I didn’t read it.”

“Then what is it?” Lauren asked. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Just something stupid.”

“Hey, I know what’ll make you feel better,” Lauren said. “I got a whole bunch of quarters today.”

“Yeah?”

“We can go play the balloon game!”

Lauren didn’t even wait for me to say anything. She grabbed my hand, tugging on it and pulling me forward. “Let’s go!”

I smiled, feeling my spirit’s lift. Lauren and I ran through the crowds, hand-in-hand, until we reached the infamous booth of the balloon game. It was the same greasy carnie running the stand. He was yelling out to the crowd of people who walked past his booth, shouting about how “everyone’s a winner at this game!” which obviously wasn’t true. You only won if you could pop enough balloons. He beamed a smile as soon as he saw me approach.

“Well, well, well! Look who’s back to try her luck again! The young lady with no aim!”

Lauren handed me all the change from her pocket, and I dropped all of the quarters onto the counter. “I want as many darts as this’ll get me!”

The carnie laughed, scooping the coins into his fanny pack. “Ten darts it is!” He counted them and laid them out on the counter for me.

I took the nearest one, focusing on the corkboard of balloons ahead of me. I looked up at the Taylor Swift poster, then threw it. The dart hit the board just below the actual balloon.

“S-t-rike!” the carnie called. “You’re gonna have to focus better than that!”

I grabbed the next dart and adjusted my aim. Instead of looking at the poster, I tried to focus on the balloon. I envisioned it as a picture of Tyler Coleman’s face. I flung the dart with an outburst of force, and it hit the balloon, popping with a loud burst. Lauren and I both cheered.

“I wouldn’t give up yet!” the carnie said. “It takes three to win!”

I picked up the third dart, placing my feet in just the same position that I had before. Lauren clapped her hands behind me. “You got this, Chloe!”

My heart fluttered, and the dart missed, not even hitting the corkboard.

“Strike two!”

I threw the next two darts as quickly as I could, desperate to show this carnie that I could beat his stupid game. They both missed the balloons, sticking in the cork. The carnie laughed. He handed me my sixth dart. “Better focus now, missy!”

I took a deep breath, aiming my dart. The orange balloon at the top corner was bigger than all the rest and would make an easy target. I glanced back at Lauren briefly, then let go of the dart. It hit the balloon.

I yelled again, and Lauren ran up behind me, hugging me. “You’ve got this!”

I smiled and grabbed the seventh dart. Lauren was watching me, and I couldn’t hold still. I felt jittery under her gaze, and my sides were still tingling where her arms had wrapped around me. My heart was racing. I tried the best I could to throw the dart with enough force, but I was suddenly too nervous. It fell to the ground, without making it over the booth’s counter.

“Strike!”

“Stop that!” Lauren snapped at the carnie. “She’s trying to focus!”

Darts eight and nine failed as well. With the carnie consistently mocking me and Lauren cheering me on, my head was swimming. I couldn’t focus on the game at all. I was going to lose again, so I might as well get it over with. I reached for the last dart, bracing myself for the carnie’s gloating. Suddenly, Lauren reached over and grabbed my hand. “Wait.”

“What?”

“You only need one more to win,” she said.

“So?” I asked.

“Let me throw it.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Lauren said. “I know I can hit it.”

“You do?” I asked.

“In geometry last year,” Lauren said. “The project Tyler and I did. We calculated the best angles to throw basketballs from.” She paused, giggling. “Tyler’s on the basketball team. Anyway, I got really good at throwing.”

“You’re just telling me this now?” I said.

Lauren shrugged. “I wanted you to win on your own, but since this is our last night here…”

I smiled and handed her the dart. “Thanks, Lauren.”

She took my place in front of the counter. Narrowing her eyes, completely silent, Lauren threw the dart. I held my breath, watching it, and I could tell that the carnie was doing the same. Then it hit a big blue balloon, popping it instantly. I screamed and jumped up and down. Lauren ran over and hugged me again. I buried my face in her neck, smelling her shampoo and the dusty smell of the fair the clung to her.

“You did it!” I said. “You won!”

For a moment, I worried that the sleaze running the booth would say it didn’t count, since Lauren threw the last dart for me. He didn’t say anything about it though.

“Three balloons! That’s a winner!” the carnie called. His voice was as cheerful as ever, but I could hear the bitterness in his voice. “What’ll it be, little lady?”

“The poster,” I said pointing. “The one in the corner of Taylor Swift.”

The carnie reached up to pull the poster down. He rolled it up and wrapped a rubber band around it. “There ya go, little miss.”

“You finally won!” Lauren said. She grabbed my hands and jumped up and down. “I’m so excited!”

I smiled, looking into Lauren’s brown eyes. I felt blush creeping up on my cheeks, and I let go of her hands. “No, you won.” I looked down at the rolled poster in my hand. “You should keep this.”

“What?” Lauren said. “No, you’ve wanted it for days!”

“Yeah, but you won it,” I said. “It’s yours.”

“Then I’m giving it to you,” Lauren said. “Now, come on. It’s our last night at the fair, and I wanna ride some rides!”

We spent the entire night riding the ferris wheel, the bumper cars, whirly cups, and all the other rides the summer fair had to offer us. We ate fries, then ice cream. Then we rode more rides too soon after our ice cream, and I almost threw up. We played a ring toss game, and Lauren won a stuffed lion for her little brother. I kept the Taylor Swift poster carefully guarded the entire night, making sure I didn’t lose it. I tried not to think about the way Lauren kept telling me it was our last night at the fair for the summer, even though tomorrow was the last day before all the carnies packed up and left. I knew that was her unofficial way of letting me know that we weren’t hanging out tomorrow, and I didn’t want to wonder why. I didn’t want to think about her crush or that sleepover she had that she hadn’t even bothered to tell me about. I only wanted to think about all the fun we were having tonight, right now, like it would last forever and nothing would ever change.

We were on our second round of ice cream when we noticed most of the booths and rides had started to close down for the night. I had three texts from my mom asking where I was, and another from my dad that I didn’t bother to read.

“Guess we should get going,” I said.

“Yeah,” Lauren said and laughed. “Lost track of time a little bit. I had so much fun!”

“Hey, my mom gave me an extra twenty,” I said. “We could come back tomorrow, if you wanna.”

“I wish,” Lauren said. “But my mom says we have to go buy school supplies.”

“Maybe after that?” I asked.

“Yeah, sure, maybe. If I have time.” Lauren said. “I’ll text you if I do!”

“Okay!” I said. “If not, I’ll see you Monday at school.”

“Can’t wait!” Lauren said. “We’re high schoolers!”

As we got to the front gates, I noticed a group of our classmates exiting too. Lauren paused a moment. She used her arm to hold me back, like she wanted me to wait for them to be out of sight before we left.

Though she never said to be quiet, her stance told me everything. Lauren did not want these three kids–Tori Andrews, Carrie Harlow, and Brock Jones–to notice her there. So, I stood as still as a statue and watched Tori–laughing and picking out fluffy bits of blue cotton candy from a stick and popping them into her mouth–turn back and laugh. Tori waved, and Lauren seemed to shrink back into the shadows of a booth.

Just then, Justin Dawson from our english-lit class ran forward and caught up to the trio. The four walked out of the gates together. Once they were out of sight, Lauren relaxed.

“I have to go find my mom,” she said. “She parked towards the other lot. I’ll catch up with you later. Bye!”

She turned and left, hurrying out the front gate to go find her mom. I just stood there, alone at the front gate for a minute, trying to figure out what exactly had just happened. But I had no idea, so I left to find my mom too.

Mom nearly jumped out of the car as soon as she saw me. “Chloe, where have you been?”

“Sorry!” I said. “Lauren and I were just having so much fun, we lost track of time.”

My mom held her hand over her chest and sighed. “You sacred me! You know you’re supposed to check in every two hours!”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You could have at least texted me.”

I climbed into the passenger’s seat, setting my poster down next to me.

“What have you got there?” Mom asked. “Finally win a poster?”

“I did.”

“Yeah, what’d you get?”

“Oh,” I said, looking down at the rolled poster. “It’s, uh, Taylor Swift.”

“Taylor Swift?” My mom repeated. “Really?”

“Yeah, you like her.”

“She’s fine,” Mom said. “It’s just…”

“What?”

“Well, it’s just that girls usually hang posters of boys on their wall.”

I gripped the poster tighter in my hand. “I just thought it would look good with the paint on the wall.”

Mom turned to look at me. She narrowed her eyes, but didn’t say anymore.

Saturday-

I texted Lauren when I got up that morning to thank her again for my poster. I sent her a picture of it hung up on my wall. I was right all along. It was the perfect fit for the empty space, and the color of the background blended perfectly with my blue walls. I had to use sticky tack to put it up, since Mom had forbidden tape or thumb tacks.

The poster covered the dark spot where the paint hadn’t faded, and that was the most important thing. I used to have a family photo there, taken way back when I was in kindergarten. Me, Jenna, Mom, Grandma Joan, and Dad. I had decided to take it down right after the divorce. The people in the picture were smiling, but I knew not all of them were happy. Dad wasn’t. He couldn’t have been, or else he never would have fallen in love with that woman who worked at his office and left.

I glanced at my phone, but Lauren hadn’t texted me back.

Whatever it was that had happened between me and her last night–I still didn’t understand exactly what that was, but it was definitely something–still bothered me. Maybe it was the combination of that and knowing about her secret sleepover?

Was I crazy, or did Lauren not want to hang out with me anymore? Did she not want to be seen with me? But if that were true, then why was she winning posters for me and hugging me?

I didn’t understand.

Even though Lauren hadn’t texted me back yet, someone else had.

It was a text from Dad, just asking how I’d been, because he hadn’t heard from me for a while. I deleted the messages then left my phone facedown on my dresser. I went to eat breakfast with Mom and Jenna, and didn’t bother to mention the text I had gotten. Not that I could talk about them, or anything else, if I wanted to. Jenna was going on and on about her date from the night before.

“He was such a jerk,” Jenna said, crunching her cheerios. “I swear, I attract bad guys.”

“All guys suck,” I said. “It’s not your fault.”

Mom looked up from her coffee at me, but she didn’t say anything. She hadn’t said much since last night. Only a few brief words when we had hung up my poster, just to ask if she had it in the right spot, at the right angle, and everything. After that, nothing. I figured she was still mad that I hadn’t checked in last night.

“Maybe we should go to the fair today,” Mom said.

“What?” I said. “You hate the fair.”

“It’s not so bad,” Mom said. “You love it, and it might cheer Jenna up. It’s been so long since the three of us have had a girls’ day. I think after… your dad…” She paused to clear her throat at that, the way she always did whenever he came up.”Maybe we all need some time together.”

I smiled. “If you really want to.”

Jenna shrugged. “I guess so. But I swear, if I run into that stupid, arrogant Jack, I’m gonna—”

“Well, let’s get ready then!” Mom said and stood up. “Jenna, maybe you could show Chloe how to put on some eye makeup.”

“No, you don’t have to,” I said. “It doesn’t really matter.” After all, I wasn’t going to see Lauren today, so there was no reason to compete for her attention. Not that it was a competition. I mean, no guy like Tyler Coleman could take away the fact that Lauren was my best friend, or any secret slumber parties…

Mom looked back and shot me another curious look.

My mom, Jenna, and I had a pretty good lunch up at the fair. Jenna has insisted on ordering from a different booth than Lauren and I preferred, so the fries weren’t as good as they could have been, and we waited ages for them. Neither Mom or Jenna wanted to ride any rides, so we mostly walked around the merchant building and visited the animal barns. We had fun feeding the goats, but after that, we were all ready to go home. It was blisteringly hot outside, and Saturday was the busiest day of the week, so it was packed. And the only thing I had to battle the heat was a half-drunk blue slushie.

Before we went to go, Mom said she wanted to use the bathroom first–something about too much lemonade. Jenna and I waited for her outside.

I scraped my foot in the gravel, then finally I worked up the nerve to ask.

“Jenna,” I said. “Does Dad ever text you?”

“Yeah, all the time,” she said casually, like it was no big deal at all.

“Do you ever text him back?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?” Jenna said. She looked at me and realized I was serious. “Chloe, he’s our Dad, not an axe murderer. We are still allowed to talk to him.”

“You don’t think it seems wrong though?” I asked. “After what happened with Mom?”

Jenna shrugged. “Mom says they’re still friends, so I don’t see why it should be.”

“Still friends?” I said. “After he left her for someone else? Literally, how could they be?”

I didn’t know if Jenna ever intended to answer that question or not, but I would never know. Mom came back out of the bathroom then, and we quickly dropped the discussion.

On our way out, we walked past the rides. Jenna was giving some long, boring rant about how her date had spilled his pop on her new shoes last night. Mom was trying hard to be sympathetic, but I could tell that she didn’t care much either. She kept casting looks over in my direction, like she wanted to talk about something, but I hadn’t given her the chance. I didn’t want another lecture about checking in. I was in high school now.

“Hey, Chloe!” I heard someone call.

Turning around, I saw Brock in line for the drop ride. He waved at me, and I gave him an awkward smile.

“Who is that?” Jenna asked.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t hear Jenna. I was barely even looking at Brock. My attention was focused on what—or who—I saw behind him. Standing in line at the ferris wheel was that jerk Tyler Coleman. He was wearing a sweaty t-shirt, but his gelled up hair was perfect. He looked better than I remembered, I guess, but I still didn’t really understand why Lauren was so starry-eyed about him. He was just some dude. I narrowed me eyes, trying to get a better look at him.

I stopped.

Someone came to stand next to Tyler, chattering excitedly about something. Her lips were moving too fast for me to try and make out what she was saying, but she was smiling like an idiot. That bright, braces-free smile that I had always thought she saved just for me.

Lauren’s hand was stamped with an all-day ride stamp. It was faded. She’d been there for hours already, I guessed. She reached her stamped hand out towards Tyler, who had the same stamp on his. Suddenly, their hands clasped, and they both laughed with the same starry-eyed look, smiling.

I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t. Behind me, Jenna was yelling at me to move my feet because she wanted to go home. Brock was calling one last remark or greeting or maybe even an insult for all I knew because I wasn’t listening to him before he boarded the drop ride. Lauren and Tyler were whispering in each other’s ears, their faces growing pink. It was all spinning around me like the whirly cup ride.

Tyler said something that made Lauren laugh loud enough for me to hear back where I was standing. I was dying to know what he had said. I was the only one who had ever made Lauren laugh like that. Me. My best friend. Lauren and me.

Then, Lauren leaned over, pecking a kiss on Tyler’s cheek.

I dropped my drink, and blue slushie spattered everywhere.

“Another pair of shoes ruined!” Jenna yelled.

My mom put her arm on my back and ushered me forward, out of the fair grounds.

I spent the rest of the night locked in my bedroom. I lay on my stomach at the foot of my bed, staring at my poster of Taylor Swift with pure resentment.

Tyler Coleman won that poster. He had been Lauren’s math partner and taught her how to throw. He had to have. Lauren was a runner, and she’d never been a great thrower before. I knew because I remembered her softball tryouts in sixth grade. I was there. I was there, the one who consoled her when she didn’t make the teams. I was the one who suggested she try track instead. Not stupid, fucking Tyler Coleman.

Tyler Coleman must have taught her to throw. It was the only explanation. They’d probably spent hours in the gym together, throwing basketballs. Maybe that’s when they started dating.

I didn’t even know if they were dating, or if they had just now started hanging out. Either way, I did know that I didn’t want that poster there, reminding me of him. I got up and ripped it down. I crumpled it up, making small tears appear in the waxy paper. Taylor Swift’s face was crumbled into a scowl as I tossed it to the corner of my room. I was aiming for my trash bin, but I missed. Then I flopped back down on my bed.

Why did Lauren have to like Tyler Coleman?

Why couldn’t it be just the two of us like before? Why couldn’t we just go to homecoming together like we had always planned?

I stared crying.

I wished my dad was here. He would know exactly what to say. He would listen to me go on and on about what a jerk Tyler Coleman was, and how Lauren deserved better. He wouldn’t question why I cared so much. He would only care that I was upset.

But Dad wasn’t here. He was out in Pennsylvania with his new wife, even though he was supposed to be here with Mom and me and Jenna. He didn’t care about me being upset that he wasn’t here, and he didn’t care about me being upset about Lauren and Tyler either.

I wondered what it had felt like for Mom, when she’d found out that Dad was in love with someone else. If she had spent nights sobbing into her pillow or cutting his face out of old photographs, she had never shown it in front of me and Jenna. She always seemed so strong.

She had told me that she and Dad would always still love each other, and that they would still be friends. Jenna believed it, but I thought maybe they just said that for our sakes. How could you still be friends with someone who had fallen in love with someone else over you? I just couldn’t see how that was something you could get past.

There was a knock at my door. I didn’t look up from my pillow. “What?”

“Chloe, honey?” my mom said. “It’s dinner time.”

“I’m not hungry.”

I heard the door open and the bed springs squeak as my mom sat down next to me. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m fine.”

“Is this about Lauren?” Mom asked.

I sat up, turned, and stared at her. “What about Lauren?”

Mom sighed. “Chloe, is there anything you want to tell me?”

I shook my head, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

“Okay,” Mom said. She reached over and gave me a hug. “I’m here if you need me. Chloe, you don’t ever have to be embarrassed to talk to me about these things.”

On her way out, Mom noticed the poster crumpled up in the corner. She picked it up and unfolded it, doing her best to straighten out the creases. She left it on my dresser, then left my room.

Sunday-

“So, you want to open your eye as wide as possible.”

Jenna opened her eyes wide like an owl and held the wand up to it. I copied her position, my hand shaking as the mascara wand came close to my eye. It started watering just at the memory of the last time I had dealt with it.

“Just put a light coat on,” Jenna said. “You’re not a stripper, so don’t overdo it.”

Gently, I moved the wand up over my lashes, pulling my hand back almost as soon as it made contact.

“A little more,” Jenna said, and I went again. My lashes felt heavy under the mascara coating them.

“Perfect!” my sister said.

I looked in the mirror, surprised by just how a little black lining could change the appearance of my face so drastically. I looked just like all the other high school girls that I’d seen on TV, and who hung out with Jenna on the weekends. I smiled.

“Will you show me how to do lipstick?” I asked.

Jenna laughed. “No way! Mom says you’re not old enough for anything dramatic yet.”

“What about something pink then?” I said. “That’s not dramatic at all. I mean, my lips are already pink, so she probably won’t even notice.”

“Okay.” Jenna sighed. She dug through her makeup drawer and pulled out a small lipstick tube. First, she opened it and rolled the stick up, then she handed it to me. “Lightly.”

The lipstick felt weird on my lips, making them stick together every time I pursed them. Jenna watched me, smacking my lips together over and over, and she laughed. “You don’t like it?”

“I do like it!” I said, licking my lips. I didn’t like it.

“You’re gonna wipe it off!” Jenna said. “Why did you even want any then?”

“I just wanted to start wearing makeup,” I said. “You did when you were in high school.”

Jenna narrowed her eyes and tilted her head. “Oh, I see.”

“What?”

She laughed. “You like someone, don’t you?”

“No!”

“You do!” Jenna smiled. “I can tell! Is it that guy we saw yesterday at the fair?”

“Brock?” I said. “No! No, it’s someone else!”

“Well,” Jenna said. “Whoever it is, he’ll be impressed. You look great!”

I glanced in the mirror, gawking at my black-lined eyes and peachy-colored lips. I didn’t think that it looked anywhere as good as Lauren’s makeup had been at the fair. She must have spent hours trying to look as good as possible for Tyler. “I’ve got some competition.”

“Oh, please!” Jenna said. “You’re just starting the year. You’ve got plenty of time to impress him.”

“I think…” I pursed my sticky lips again. “He is already seeing someone.”

Jenna frowned. “He is?”

I nodded. “I don’t know for sure, but maybe. So, I need to start looking as good as I can—”

“Chloe,” Jenna said, her voice changing its tone. “Oh my God, I wish you would have told me this before I started showing you what to do.”

“Why?” I asked.

Jenna went over to her bed, moving some clothes off of it and tossing them into her hamper. She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“What?” I said again. “Is it so bad that I like someone?”

“No,” she said. “But, you know.”

“No, I clearly don’t,” I said.

Jenna sighed and sat down at the foot of her bed. “Chloe, he’s already with someone.”

I shrugged. “And?”

Jenna folded her arms over her chest, rolling her eyes. She was giving me that stupid, silent, you-should-know-better treatment that she did every time we got into an argument. I glared at her. “What?”

“Chloe, how many times has Dad texted you?” Jenna asked.

“Today? Only once,” I said.

“You literally just told me that you never answer him when he texts you.”

“So?”

“So,” she said. “You’re still pissed that he left us for that Allison woman.”

“Aren’t you?” I asked.

“I mean…” Jenna paused. “Yes and no. Yeah, I’m pissed that he left us. But, I mean, he’s Dad. I don’t want to lose him completely, so I guess I’ll just get over it. But that’s not the point.”

“So, what is the point then?”

Jenna sighed. “Do you ever wonder if Allison knew Dad was married when they got together? Like maybe if she had just recognized that he was with someone else and just left him alone, he would still be here with us? I don’t know. I just think that maybe it’s not cool to try and chase after someone who is in love with someone else.”

I had never really thought about that before. I only ever thought about what Dad had done wrong, choosing another woman. I never really thought about that woman though. Was it her really her fault? It wasn’t like she could control how she felt about Dad. She couldn’t make Dad not love her if he did.

Was I supposed to control how I felt about Lauren, how she felt about Tyler?

Could Lauren choose how she felt or didn’t feel about me?

“Oh my god,” Jenna said. “This is just like homecoming last year. I was supposed to go with Daniel, and he took Jennifer Stevens instead at the last minute. It was humiliating.”

I rolled my eyes and got up to leave.

“Oh, before I forget,” Jenna glared down at the black smear that stained her carpeting. “You owe me a new rug.”

I left Jenna’s bedroom and went into the living room. Mom was curled up under a blanket on the sofa, reading one of her books. While I walked past her, I leaned in and gave her a quick hug. She smiled up at me, confused, but pleasantly surprised. Then I slipped back into my bedroom.

My phone was sitting on my dresser, charging. I looked at it. No more texts from my dad, but I did have a missed call from Lauren. She had tried calling me last night, but I hadn’t answered. I knew what she was going to tell me, and I hadn’t wanted to hear it.

I had a few texts from her from earlier this morning too, telling me to text her back as soon as possible.She was obviously excited. The last text was asking me to meet her up at the fair grounds, before they closed down for the year tonight. I sat at the edge of my bed, staring at my phone screen, not sure what to text back.

On my dresser, my poster sat, still wrinkled. I grabbed it and tried to smooth out the creases, accidentally poking a small hole in the corner. I went over to the empty wall by my closet and used some thumbtacks to put it back up. Sorry Mom, but we didn’t have any more sticky tack. Then I looked above my bed at my eighth-grade graduation photo with Lauren. I’d almost taken it down last night, as soon as I’d gotten back from the fair.

If I took that picture down too, then I would need another poster to cover that wall. And since the fair was ending tonight, I wouldn’t have a chance to win one for another year unless I went today.

I got up and opened my bedroom door, calling down the hall. “Mom?”

“Yes, Chloe?”

“Can you drive me to the fair?”

On the way up to the fair grounds, my mom made it explicitly clear that she wasn’t giving me any more money. “You’ve spent nearly a hundred this week. That’s more than your sister makes at work,” she said.

“That’s okay,” I said. “I still have a little bit from yesterday.”

“Good,” Mom said. She grinned. “Are you meeting Lauren?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

Mom’s smile faded, and she nodded. “Okay. Well, just don’t forget to check in.”

I hesitated before I got out of the car.

“Mom,” I said. “Are you and Dad still friends?”

She was quiet for a minute, and then she said, “Of course we are.”

“How can you be?”

Another pause. “Well, I guess the only other option was that we wouldn’t be anything anymore. I had to accept that we could only be friends if I was going to keep him in my life at all.” Mom looked at me sternly. “We do still care about each other, Chloe. And we’ll always love you and Jenna.”

I nodded, then stepped out of the car.

I didn’t bother to get my hand stamped when I went in, since I knew I wouldn’t be back. I headed through the fair, and it seemed empty compared to how many people had been there yesterday. Already, the carnies were starting to tear down their booths and pack up their prizes. Only a few of the rides were still open. Most of the animals were gone, and there was only one still-operating lemonade stand. I noticed the balloon-game booth was already gone. In its place was a bare patch of dirt. I would just have to wait until next year for a new poster.

Since the balloon game was gone, there was only one thing I could do for the rest of the day while I was there.

I reached Lauren, who sat at the bleachers outside the horse track, drinking a can of pop. She smiled at me and jumped down.

“Chloe!” she said. “I’ve been trying to call you all night! Where have you been?”

She didn’t wait for me to answer before going on even more excitedly. “You’ll never believe what happened yesterday!”

“What?” I said, crossing my arms.

“Tyler texted me!” I stared at Lauren, and she grabbed my hand, bouncing on her feet. “Tyler Coleman! He asked me out on a date!”

“That’s great,” I said and conjured up a smile.

Lauren frowned. “You don’t look very excited.”

“Oh, I—”

“What’s wrong?” Lauren asked. “Seriously, Chloe, you’ve been acting weird all week.”

“Guess I’m just nervous about school,” I said, shrugging. “And my dad too, you know.”

“He texted you again?” she guessed.

“Yeah,” I said. “Last night.”

“Well, cheer up!” Lauren said. “Today’s the last day of summer!”

“I’ll try,” I said.

“You want to get something to eat?” Lauren asked. “I think there’s still a fry booth open, not ours though.”

Not ours.

“Sure,” I said.

I followed Lauren down the paved trails of the fair grounds. There were barely any people for us to shove past. We watched as lights were turned off, carnies packed up, and closed signs appeared on grimy countertops. Lauren didn’t seem bothered. She strutted down the main walkway, skipping a little. She never stopped smiling. I was glad that she was happy, but I couldn’t help hating that it was Tyler who made her feel that way. I hated it a little, though, not a lot.

It was hard to hate something a lot when it made Lauren smile like that, braces off, teeth white, absolutely beaming.

“Hey, Lauren?” I said, when we got in line at the last fry booth.

“Yeah?”

“Um, there actually was something I kind of wanted to talk to you about.”

“Sure, Chloe.” She paid the carnie for the fries, and we carried them over to a bench. We didn’t bother with the formalities of salt and vinegar, because this booth didn’t have any left. Lauren started eating right away, but my stomach was already starting to feel sick, and I didn’t think I could handle our signature snack.

“What is it?” Lauren said.

“Do you not want to be seen with me or something? I asked.

“What?” Lauren said and stared at me, astonished. “Are you absolutely crazy? Why would you think that?”

“When we were here the other day, “ I said. “We saw some kids from school, and you just, like, froze. And you hid. You didn’t want them to see us.”

A look of guilt flashed over Lauren’s face. “I’m so sorry about that, Chloe. Really. It’s just that Tori Andrews is super close with Tyler.”

“So?” I said, as I ate a fry.

Lauren’s cheeks reddened a bit. “Apparently there was this rumor going around last year that you and I were actually not just friends, that we were like dating or whatever. And I don’t know who started it, but I was afraid that if Tori saw us together, alone, that she might believe it and tell Tyler, and I didn’t want it to wreck my date.”

I didn’t say anything.

Lauren reached over and grabbed my hand. “But that was stupid. Really it’s so stupid to worry about something like that. I know I can just tell people that you’re my best friend. I was being an idiot, and a jerk, I know that. I’m so sorry, Chloe.”

“Lauren, are you embarrassed by me or something?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Okay, so…” I looked down at my feet. “Did it just worry you because you liked Tyler, or…” I trailed off, not sure how to ask what I was trying to ask. “Do you think it would be weird to, like, be my friend if I was into girls and not guys.” I tried to shrug like it was casual, but I knew it wasn’t, and Lauren knew it too.

“Oh, just the Tyler thing!” Lauren said. “Seriously, Chloe, I swear to God.”

I sighed. It was basically already out there, so I might as well spit it out. “Lauren, I think I like girls.”

Lauren gasped, dropping the fry that she had been holding. “Chloe, oh my God! Were you afraid to tell me that?”

I shrugged.

She smiled at me. “Chloe, I’m so happy you told me!”

“Really?” I asked, sitting up.

“Yes!” She pushed the carton of fries in my direction. “And now that you’ve gotten that off your chest, I can’t finish these alone.”

I pulled out a fry, taking a small bite.

“Anyone in particular you like?” Lauren asked.

She was still smiling the way that she had been ever since she’d told me about her date with Tyler, and her cheeks were blushed. I could tell that Lauren was head-over-heels for this meathead jock from school. Maybe Lauren and Tyler really were happy together. Maybe they’d stay happy together as long as I didn’t get in the way. And maybe someday I’d be happy for them, and I could grin like a starry-eyed fool while I told Lauren about the girl I was going out with. There would be time for all that. Time for telling my mom and sister, time for finally texting my dad back, and maybe someday even a time for telling Lauren about all this.

Maybe.

I shook my head. “No, no one really.”

“You’ll find her,” Lauren said.

I looked away from her. I watched as all around me, everything was closing down. The carnie from the booth we had just ordered from pulled wooden shutters down over the booth’s window, hanging a ‘closed’ sign on it. Another man walked by him, with a box full of prize stuffed animals. The summer fair was over.

“It really doesn’t bother you that I like girls?” I asked.

“Of course not, Chloe,” Lauren said. “We’ll always be best friends.”