Addi & Lane

Addi sat underneath the pear tree behind the old barn of Birch Farm. She loved her home, and found comfort everywhere. Luca and Jackson slept in the sun nearby, snoring softly, their silky fur moving in the breeze. The tree was covered in white flowers clustered together, and this was Addi’s favorite part: the flowering in the spring before the fruit came in the summer.

“How’s your dad today?” Lane asked, walking up to her and taking a seat in the grass. Hearing a familiar voice, the golden retrievers awoke from their naps. Luca and Jackson quickly jumped to their feet and galloped toward Lane. “SIT!” he began to yell, but it was too late. Both dogs had too much momentum and plowed right into him, knocking him over. They stood on top of him, licking his face. “Okay, okay!” Lane laughed, pushing them back. They wagged their tails happily and sat down. Addi smiled at Lane as he wiped his face with the bottom of his t-shirt.

“They love you,” she laughed. She rubbed Luca’s soft, silky ear. He tilted his head toward her, panting with contentment, enjoying the pets she was providing.

“And I forgot to put treats in my pocket this time,” Lane pointed out, scratching Jackson’s chin. “So how are you, Addi? How’s your dad?” he asked again. Luca leaned into Addi’s hand, flopping his body into her lap and looking up at her.

“You know, I wish he got to meet you,” she said thoughtfully. She began rubbing Luca’s chest, smoothing out the soft fur, running her fingers through it. “I imagine the two of you having the same sense of humor.” Lane chuckled.

“You’re probably right.” They sat in silence, the cool breeze moving through the field, breaking up the warm sunshine. Luca had dozed off in Addi’s lap, and Jackson sat right between Addi and Lane, nose in the air, smelling everything. After a few minutes, Lane wiped his hands on his jeans and cleared his throat. “I don’t wanna interrupt your time with your dad so I’ll get goin’.” Addi’s heart sank a little at the thought of Lane leaving. She reached for his hand before he could get up.

“Please stay,” she said. Lane always brought a sense of calm when he was around, and Addi felt happier from the inside out. At some point, visiting her dad’s pear tree had transformed; Addi used to feel disappointed, sad, numb even, but now she felt elated and looked forward to sharing her life with her dad through his pear tree. As Lane squeezed her hand and nodded, Addi thought about all the things she’d rushed out here to share, sitting under the pear tree and feeling her dad all around her.

When Lane showed her the commands he taught the dogs while her brother, Nick, was deployed.

When Lane gave her marigolds, her mom’s favorite flower.

When she kissed Lane before homecoming.

When she found a picture of their last family vacation when she was a baby among Nick’s personal things.

When Lane took her ice skating even though he was afraid.

When Lane said “I love you”. And, when she said it back.

It had become less about how much she missed her dad and more about sharing all the special moments in her life with him.

“I’m so glad this tree has survived,” Lane commented, looking up through the branches.

“Grandma Dorothy said it was the first pear tree on the farm. Sprouted up before my dad was a teenager.”

“We lost all of ours to pear scab a few years ago, and none of them returned.”

“I remember that – I was terrified my dad’s tree would die, too,” Addi said, nodding.

“I’m sure it’ll be around forever,” Lane said with a wink and a smile, squeezing Addi’s hand. He leaned over to kiss her sweetly, putting his hand gently on Jackson’s head to keep him in place and avoid interruption. Luca didn't stir from his nap at all. Addi laughed, feeling her cheeks blush.

“I can’t imagine leaving this farm.” She swallowed. “My dad is here,” Addi indicated the pear tree. “My mom is in those marigolds, and Nick is in the barn.” Sadness crept into the pit of her stomach.

“Who says you have to?” Lane questioned.

“I dunno, life? Expectations? I can’t live with Grandma Dorothy forever.” Addi tucked her hair behind her ear as that feeling in her stomach grew. "And honestly, I feel bad about that, too." Lane was about to graduate, and she still had one more year of high school. Addi would never ask Lane to stay here in their small farm town, she didn’t want to be the thing that held him back. Grandma Dorothy said the same thing about her: she didn't want to hold Addi back from the next phase of her life. But the thought of Lane going off to college was heartbreaking, which is why she had avoided all conversations about their future up until this moment. Addi wondered if Grandma Dorothy felt the same way.

“You don’t have to do anything.” Lane turned his body so he was directly facing her. He held out his hands, and she placed hers on top. Luca stirred a bit with this movement as he napped in her lap. Lane’s hands felt warm, strong, and much bigger than hers. Looking into his kind blue eyes, her own began to well up with tears. “I know you’ve lost so many people in your life. People you loved very much.” Lane paused and swallowed. “But you’re not gonna lose me.” A tear escaped down Addi’s cheek and Lane gently brushed it away.

“Laney, I don’t want to hold you back,” she sniffled. In some ways, that thought was worse than losing her family. Her parents died when she was a baby, and Nick died overseas last year, both situations were completely out of Addi’s control. Now, with Lane, she had control over whether he went off to chase his dreams or stayed behind to be with her. At least, that was the internal dialogue running through her brain.

“I know you haven’t wanted to talk about it so I let it be,” Lane began. “But lemme tell you my plan.” He cleared his throat. “I enrolled in community college downtown, classes start in the fall. I’m going to live at home, continue to work, and save up money. Then when you graduate, I’ll go wherever you wanna go. Including nowhere and we could just stay right here.” The unease situated in Addi’s stomach began to dissipate.

“Are you sure about living at home?” she asked.

“Yeah. ‘Cuz honestly I’d be spending money anyway to drive back over here and see you. Might as well live at home and then I can keep workin’, too.” Addi thought this plan sounded wonderful. Basically, nothing would change other than they would no longer be attending the same school next year. Addi took a deep breath.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” she asked.

“An astronaut,” Lane replied without hesitation. Addi laughed and Lane chuckled. “Seriously, I dunno. I do know that I wanna get my degree, but I don’t know in what yet.”

“I sorta feel the same way,” Addi admitted. “I have no idea what I wanna do. Or, where I even wanna do it.” She took another deep breath.

“You wanna know my real dream though?” Lane asked with a straight face so Addi knew he wasn’t going to start talking about exploring outer space. She stared at him intently, waiting for him to continue. “You and I and these two hooligans,” Lane indicated the dogs, “live in a house with a nice backyard. And I could build them a doghouse that looks like a mini barn. And you could plant marigolds around it,” Lane said with a smile. “And maybe we could take the pears from this tree and plant the seeds at our house. That way, you’d have both your parents nearby. In terms of Nick,” he paused. “Maybe take some of the wood panels from inside of the barn and put them together in a shape, and it could hang inside over our fireplace. Like a star," Lane said thoughtfully. "Then you'd see him all the time. And since neither of us can really cook," Lane continued, "we’ll get all different kinds of cookbooks and make the recipes together. And if they turn out good, we can share some with our new neighbors.” Addi’s heart was bursting out of her chest. She felt so much love coming from Lane. Leaning forward, Addi hugged him tightly, startling Luca in her lap. The dog jumped up and shook vigorously, causing Jackson to leap to his feet and chase Luca toward the barn.

“This is an amazing dream!” Addi exclaimed. She sniffled as her eyes teared up again. “I love this dream!” Feeling uplifted, she allowed the tears to freely stream down her cheeks. She couldn't remember the last time she cried happy tears, maybe never...it was a very mixed feeling but she felt so happy. Addi had absolutely no idea what the rest of her life looked like or what she wanted to do with it, but she did know she wanted Lane to be a part of it. And it sounded like he wanted the same thing. Looking between Lane and the dogs, who were now wrestling in the grass, Addi could not control her smile. “And I love you so much!” Addi kissed him, tears still streaming down her face. Lane grinned widely, gently cupping her face in his hands and wiping each cheek with a thumb .

“I love you, too, Addi.”