A shift of the wind

"She is getting married" Ann said. "Where did she meet him?" I asked. "Some dating site."

The same repeated question with the same repeated answer.

I timidly entered my profile information.The dating site would be free for a month. The men looked like they were residing in a yacht club rather than living life. I had done this before. Last time I had mentioned that I was interested in the stock market. That was a mistake. This time I said I checked the stock market weekly. Maybe my matches wouldn't be as flat. I do not want a scholar. I want to enjoy life not analysis it. Experience not study. I reread my profile.

A week had gone by and I had not liked one person. Nobody had messaged me either. My picture made me look like a escentric older lady. I was looking for someone to enjoy my retirement with. I was not concerned with family. I looked at my suggested profiles, and groaned. They were very wealthy, very preppy, but not very me.

Suddenly I saw a picture of a normal man. He was two years younger than me. I messaged him a, "hello". He actually messaged me right back.

I know the rule "You better shop around" but I was so surprised to see someone who was real, that I started talking. He was from Texas, but in his pictures he was not wearing a cowboy hat. I told him that I liked the way he didn't go to the hairstylist before he got his picture taken. His picture looks normal, he looks honest, I told him. He thanked me and told me that most east coast girls do not respond to him. I said to him ," that is surprising, but maybe they thought that a east coast gal and a Texas man would argue to much about politics. I don't agree with either party. Although I am a registered Democrat, I am thinking of voting for the ex South Carolinian governor." He said he didn't really follow politics so I didn't have to worry about arguing with him, if we continued conversing. " I generally spend most of my time outdoors. I have ten horses. Some weekends I give rides for 5$. Not everybody in Texas has a horse. I am technically retired, but horses aren't really work. "

I felt joy as he told me about his life.

As weeks passed the frequency of our chats increased. I found my mood and life improving. About two months in, I gave him my phone number. He stayed respectful. If he wanted to kiss me, he did not mention it. It was actually exciting to hear his real voice. He said when he sang that he was a tener. I was surprised that he wasn't a bass. And yes he liked to sing- and play the guitar. He was according to him, not a great dancer, but he would dance with his woman. I listened and smiled.

Every conversation seemed to get better. When he called, I stopped everything, and ran to the phone.

Seven months in, he surprised me. He invited me to Texas. Not to live, just to visit. I was excited but nervous. Despite. my conflicted feelings, I said yes. We started making plans over the next three calls. He laughed when I said I'd take the train. "That would take days" he told me. I laughed. He had miles on Delta he said he would buy the tickets. Again I smiled.

He was at the airport waiting for me when I arrived in Texas. I gave him a joyful hug. He laughed as I hugged him.

I knew he had a house but I had no idea what to expect. The house was small but was surrounded by ten acres of land. I didn't see the horses but they had acres of land to roam.

He gave me a tour of the house, and we unloaded my suitcases. I knew I would have my own bed, without even asking. He was a man of character.

I was happy so I slipped my arm around him, and gave him another hug,

There was no tv on, and country music was playing over the radio. He showed me his ipad. He also showed me that I was the only lady he was conversing with. I was silent, in my joy.

I helped him that evening with his chores. Dinner was simple, but nice. He didn't want me to help- not even with the cleanup. "Some of us men, are capable," he told me. I was wondering if I was capable of making it through this weekend. Every half a hour I was getting happier.

I was surprised that he was already working when I awoke. It was only 6am. I threw on some jeans, a sweater. It took me a minute to find him. I had him instruct me on what to do. The barn was silent but I felt a inner peace.

When we were done, I smelt of horses, sweat, and hay. When we got back to the house I excused myself, and took a shower.

On the table was a plate of pancakes/syrup/orange juice/and a note.

"I had to run out. I'll be right back. Then I can take you on a trip to the desert. There is something I want to discuss with you on the way there. If you are receptive I would like to show you something."

I was puzzled, but curious.

He took a shower when he got back. I had walked around the property with my camera. I was looking through my photos, when he approached me showered and changed.

"You have a nice life." I said. "It is missing something" he said. "I was going to talk to you about it in the truck, on our drive. It's not bad, " he blush, "Maybe just a little fast."

My eyes watched him , and I smiled out of nervousness. I could feel he was nervous as well.

I felt like I was holding my breath as I climbed into the truck. " You are pretty silent, you are probably wondering what I want to ask you. I wanted to show you a small house down the road. It has a acre of land, enough for a garden and a dog. Well I was wondering, well let's see you like it first. "

We both were silent. The house was cute. It had two bedrooms, a kitchen, living room and two bathrooms. By the backdoor there was a mudroom. "Could you live in this" he stammered. I gasped-"Yes, are you sure?, how much would it be a month?"

"Well I am sure I would like to get to know you in a more normal way. Dating sites, emails and phone calls. I would prefer to see you in person"

I was happy but I was confused. I did not really know if this was feasible. If it didn't work, I would be alone in Texas. But if it did work out - he seemed to bring me joy,

"Would it really be feasible"I asked. "You could rent to own the house. If you are unhappy, you could leave. From what you have said I personally don't think that North Carolina is your place. This might not be it either, but it is worth a try. I was going to let you think about it. This is one of my favorite places to think things out. There is cell reception if you want to call your family." I squeezed his hand, "What are you going to do?" "Go get our dinner. I'll be back in about a hour."

I climbed out of the truck. In front of me were acres of sand. I felt the peace immediately. There was no need to call family and friends. He was right North Carolina was not my place. My sister's place was also not for me either.

My plan- to travel away my retirement, was also unrealistic. The warm breeze blowing sand across my skin, seemed to be welcoming me. Could God shift my course. Did he believe in God? Did it really matter if he did?

How did he make me feel? Respected and filled with joy. I wanted to take his hand and hug him. Wasn't that saying that I wanted to stay near him. I knew that in my heart I wanted to take a chance with him, but there were so many, yet to be answered questions.

I sat in the sand and cried, I was scared. I knew without my constant phone calls my friends would soon forget me. Engulfed in the deserts parched silence I was nothing but another grain of sand in the wind.

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