A Regular Day In The Life Of A Lagosian

Lagos is a bubbling city. One of the economic hubs in Africa too, little wonder why it never sleeps. lol. People from all works of life can be found in that city and you don't even have to look too hard. With this much population comes the intricacies of a whole lot of character mix and one would expect.

Here, Noel, narrates what everyday life is like for a regular Lagosian and it is such a fun read. He tells this story using a mixture of the Nigerian Pidgin, Yoruba dialect and of course, the proper English language I dare say we're all accustomed to.

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On this day I had boarded a bus just in front of the national stadium, Surulere, heading to CMS, where I would further commute to Farm City, Lekki, to go hang out with a friend of mine, a female, who just recently came into the country.

We’d been friends a long time and had longed to just chill, but practice wouldn’t allow me, coupled with the fact that my schedule was crazy.

This is not the story though.

In the bus, I sat quietly, wedged between the vehicle and a young lady whose hair was obviously a wig — but a curly and obviously nice-looking one — who had spoken earlier and imprinted in me that she was one of those girls probably living in Iyana-Ipaja but with a British accent.

I stayed my peace and plugged in my airpod, because I no dey like to talk too much, especially when the talk no go bring money.

I was to be at Farm City by 2 pm, so I had left home by past 12 pm, I don’t like to be the late person or keep another waiting, same as lateness rubs off somewhat badly on me. It leaves me with a muddled impression of one.

I be sportsperson, we no dey joke with time.

I was lost in whatever music I was playing — I can’t remember — when someone taps at me. It was a guy on my row, he pointed to the conductor who was beckoning to me.

“Alaye where your money? Owo è da?”

I reach into my red purse, and make for my wallet.

Handed him a one thousand naira note, plugged back in my airpod and counted for my change.

I had barely put on my airpod when his voice rang out, stunning and embarrassing me.

“Oga! Which one be 1000 naira for bus of 300, shey I tell you say I no get change!”

I looked at him and just wanted to stay num because na bus I dey no be my Papa private jet, but I replied nonetheless.

“You said no such thing to me, not to me.”

I replied briskly and just took the attention off of him.

“Oga na me you dey raise voice for bah? Okay na you go come collect your change.”

I knew trouble was brewing, I can deal with trouble though, but no be when I wear white and I wan go chill.

So I said nothing.

He continued, raving and ranting, as though my silence further infuriated and insulted him, but I said nada.

Until we had just briefly gone past ‘Apogbon’ and then he threw expletives at my Father, in these words:

“O dà bi pé ori Baba è ti yii.”

That was when I spoke again.

“Koni da fun awon to bi è. Yes na me talk am, if dem born you well make I reach CMS make you no give me my change, na that time you go know say craze dey two types: the one wey dem cook and the one wey don ferment.”

And as I said this, I started taking off the necklace I was wearing which was designed from tiny skulls.

“If I nack you this thing and you reach house today alive, know say my name no be Ifadówólé.”

Lol.

I don’t know what hit him if it was realization or apprehension, but I guess Baba noticed I was wearing a white shirt and white trousers, coupled with the strange-looking necklace, my unusual calm and a woman’s voice in the bus warning, “Conductor no be everybody them dey curse o, no go carry your hand carry wahala”, and he went quiet, handed me my balance and said.

“No be say I dey fear you o, I just know why I wan give you this…”

Before he could finish, I threw him a fake stern frown and the remainder of his words disappeared.

Werey.

So you dey fear Ifa.

Anu mpam!

©️ Noel Ijezie