A Pleasant Day at the Park

Don’t judge us. We’re just birds.

Okay, don’t flip out over the fact that I’m talking to you. We just want to make sure that you understand out point of view before you lose all sense of control and start chasing us or throwing things.

We are seagulls. We are hungry. So, we have some demands.

First, the breadcrumbs: we are kind of tired of just the same old thing every time you show up here and start emptying out your bag on the ground. This is not to say that we are ungrateful, or that you are wasting food on animals that do not appreciate it. It is just that the bread itself is the same dull white bread that we can get at any park at any time. And hey, we do travel. It is not an accident that you have run into us here on one specific day just to see us leave and head off to another green space. But you probably know this, right?

Right.

And hey, if you can get something like pumpernickel, rye, or even one of those bagels with the seeds on it, that would work for all of us.

And finally, and I cannot stress this enough, be consistent.

When I tell my brothers and sisters that there is going to be a drop of food left on the ground on a certain day, I do not expect to be embarrassed by your absence. Too many times we have noticed that you will show up one week at one particular time, and then you will be absent at the same time next week. I know that this is probably not a big deal to you, but it bothers us when we have made plans that do not work. I have to signal to the crowd when I think that we should move on and I always delay it a bit, just in the hope that you will show up and start feeding us.

That really gets up our beaks.

Thanks. Just wanted to talk.

*

Okay, now you’ve had your talk with them, we have to chat.

Yes, I am a squirrel, and at this point, I think that you should be quite comfortable talking to a rodent if you could stand to hear the voice of one of those…swoopers.

Swoopers… That’s what we call them. While we are doing the hard work of finding food, hiding food and trying to survive out here, they just swoop down and have everything handed to them on a plate and…

Yeah, I know there is no plate, but let me finish...

They just have everything handed to them and it is not fair. And besides, they don’t really have to worry about dogs or cats, or those eager children who think they can catch us by running us up trees and your fake trees (poles you call them, right?).

And have you ever noticed that when you are feeding them that none of us are around? You might think that we do that because we respect their space, or we have made some sort of deal with them not to encroach on their territory or food. Not true at all.

We are terrified of them.

Yes, we already have a rep for being nervous and jittery when we are searching for food, but most of us like you…humans (such a weird name for you). We often just come right up to you waiting for the nuts or seeds that you are willing to share. And you are often friendly; very, very friendly. You seem to like having us around.

So what’s the deal with you and the swoopers?

Look, I only ask because we have been thinking about this for a while and they told me that I should try to talk to one of you and find out what is happening with them. They all have hard eyes, bad manners (admit it), and that terrible noise they make when they are signaling, like a broken...siren (yeah, we know that word).

Oh, you didn’t know that? That noise is a signal. They are indicating that there is food available, or there may be another place where they can gather and plan their next hunt.

Hunt? Ha, ha! Like they could be bothered trying to find the food for themselves. No claws, no skills and no talents are an ugly combo (they should probably stay with the water; always stink of sea water and fish if they are new to the area).

So, just thought I would tell you what’s what with us. Please don’t forget about us next time.

We are watching you.

*

The green lights on her device flashed, so Ms. Simpson sighed and leaned back on the bench.

She had heard these arguments many times before and did not know why the animals gave her such a hard time in the park. She made a point of trying to alternate between the different types of food they wanted when she did go shopping, but she had to be careful not to over her carefully arranged budget for the month. Some days were meant for the squirrels; other for the “swoopers”.

Swoopers. What a strange name for the seagulls. Why would the squirrels treat them like they were aliens who landed on this planet to just grab food and intimidate the competition.

So silly.

At least she had the device on her this time. It both flashed and vibrated in her pocket.

She found her medication and decided to take it in the sunlight. The children from the day camp were far enough away to not notice her swallowing down the pills with her thermos of tea. They did not need to see this.

But the animals would not mind.

They would always understand her.

*

Thank you for reading!

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