A Bunch of Bull

NOAH:

I love my wife, Zuri..I think. She is loyal and beautiful. She is sweet as she is sensitive, but she is often as stubborn as a bull!

ZURI:

I love my husband, Noah… I think. Yes, the love is strong but love too is blind. My husband is loyal and caring, but he is often as stubborn as a bull!

NOAH:

We were married for ten long, long years. When we first fell in love ten years ago, everything was giddy and playful. I wanted to spend every hour in bed with her. No matter the circumstances, what mattered to me most was pleasing my wife. And she taught me a lot. She has good intuition. She can look at a situation and tell exactly what it is. She is good at reading people. And she was always right.

ZURI:

After a while the fun and games stopped. Everything became serious and disagreements put our marriage to the test. Especially regarding our differences in finances. I want to save, he likes to spend. At first, I was happy to have the type of companion who would treat me like royalty. He bought me flowers and expensive gifts. I appreciated it, but after a while it’s like, "Dude, just get me a card. You don’t have to spend big every time,” I said. For example, when Noah got a job as a high school teacher, he refused to buy himself anything other than a luxury car. His old car, which he had since his days as a substitute teacher wouldn’t go in reverse. I told him that I thought he should have a reliable car. I told him I fully support his decision to buy a new car. What I didn’t know was that he was going to go and buy a BMW. I was mortified. “Your going to make us go broke!” I told him. “We can’t afford a high car note, with the mortgage and the credit card debts.”

NOAH:

“You’re” not “your” is what I told her. “You’re going to make us go broke,” I corrected. “Speak English please!” I said. I find myself correcting people who don’t speak English-

ZURI:

“GO TO HELL!” Said Zuri.

NOAH:

Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted: It drives me crazy. I hate Ebonics with a passion. I really do. I hate when she doesn’t speak proper English. She is smart so what’s the problem? Of course she gets upset and accuses me of changing the subject. First things first: speak to me properly, then I can explain myself properly. It’s just that simple wifey.

ZURI:

Noah thinks he's being straightforward, but he is being rude. What a jerk. And he covers up the fact that he made a stupid decision buying a BMW. This is one of the many reasons why we can’t stop fighting.

NOAH:

I feel if my mother can learn to speak proper English on a fifth grade education by reading the Bible what is my wife’s excuse? Zuri went to college! Just explain to me why you think the BMW is a bad idea and I will listen. Maybe she afraid that I may be more attractive to women now. I hate it when she acts like this. I detest it more when she speaks without using proper English.

ZURI:

“Listen bro,” I said. “I’m a fine catch for any man. I’m a very independent, confidant woman with an uncanny determination to succeed.I will be just fine. I’m educated.” Do you see? Look how we are not even on the same topic. We were talking about the expensive BMW he bought and now we are talking about my grammar. Now we are fighting about my grammar. I am a housewife, but now I think its time for me to create and income for myself. An income apart from this household. An income apart from Noah.

NOAH:

“It’s or ‘It is’ time you mean…..not ‘its,’” I said, reminding her. I make enough money to sustain a comfortable lifestyle for me and my wife. Her going behind my back to earn extra income is an issue for me. I don’t like it. I don’t know why she feels the need to have an extra income apart from our savings. I am very accommodating, loving and attentive- and I expect the same in return. Our home is decorated as she wants, in the city she wants, in the state she wants. So what exactly does she want? A man that spends all his money on himself or a man that spends his money on his wife?

ZURI:

Every time I try to explain to him my feelings, he just changes the subject. Or like you’ve been witnessing, make it all about my grammar. I’m tired, tired, tired-of him.

NOAH:

If she is so tired maybe she should go to bed. “Go to bed, Zuri,” I said. I had just bought her an expensive new comforter imported from Italy. Maybe I shouldn’t have. The way she has been acting, she really doesn’t deserve it.

ZURI:

“And you don’t deserve to touch me until you show me some consideration and respect. I mean that!” I told my husband. “As matter a fact, you might be more comfortable sleeping on the couch,” I said.

NOAH:

“Woman, are you crazy? Like have you gone mad? You will not put me out of my own bedroom,” I said following her into our bedroom. I closed the doors behind us.

ZURI:

Taurus really are the best lovers in the zodiac. Hands down. I’m a taurus and I’m married to a Taurus.

NOAH:

I am never leaving my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife. I love my wife!

ZURI:

I love my husband. Yes I do. I love him very much.

NOAH:

I can tell by the look in Zuri’s face, that I rocked her world once again. I am the personification of manhood and manliness and she knows this. Of course I am. I am The Bull. And it just so happens I’m married to the most perfect woman on the planet.

She came into the kitchen; smiling. I smiled at her too.

She was smiling like it was Christmas morning.

“Good morning, beautiful,” I said.

ZURI:

“Good morning, hotness,” I said. “It smells so good.”

NOAH:

Breakfast was cooked to perfection. I had Belgium waffles with whipped cream, scrambled eggs, orange juice mimosas and turkey bacon. My wife is no longer a fan of red meat and of course being the wonderful husband I am, I fixed her turkey bacon. She sat down to eat.

ZURI:

Last night was perfect, but the morning is another story. Breakfast was good, but I became instantly annoyed when I realized there was alcohol in my orange juice! This guy knows that I gave up drinking and red meat. Why would he do that??

“Noah, you know I don’t drink anymore. Why would you give me a mimosa instead of a nice cup of orange juice,” I asked. He could see I was frustrated.

NOAH:

I WAKE UP EARLY TO MAKE HER BREAKFAST AND SHE IS FUSSING WITH ME? “I wake up early to make you breakfast and you fussing with me?” I asked.

ZURI:

I didn’t answer him. It’s clear he still does not respect me. It hurts to realize that he probably never will. I got up to pour out my drink.

NOAH:

This is bull! A bunch of bull.

ZURI:

“No you’re bull!” I said.

NOAH:

“No you’re bull. This marriage is bull,” I said.

ZURI:

“Fine!” I yelled. Throwing the glass on the floor, breaking it. “We should divorce. This is why I want my own money. You never listen to me, you don’t respect me, and you want everything done you’re way with out any consideration for my feelings!”

NOAH:

“I don’t make any moves without thinking of you,” I said…. “Look at this place. It’s ALL your way. What are you saying?” I asked. “And that’s ‘your’ way. Not ‘you’re.’”

ZURI:

Is he serious?

After a while, I burst out laughing. He started laughing too. Before we knew it, we were both cracking up on the floor; laughing hysterically.

ZURI:

Truth is this fight is pointless. We are ridiculous with the fighting and for stupid reasons.

NOAH:

Yeah it is really stupid. “I love you, Zuri.” I said. “I promise I’ll do my best to keep you happy. If you want a separate income, I support it. If it makes you happy.”

ZURI:

“I love you too, Noah,” I said. I promise to not criticize you for buying a BMW. You work hard. And you take care of me…If this is the car you want then you should have it.”

NOAH/ZURI

“No more bull,” they said to each other at the same time.

ZURI:

He grabbed me and hugged me tight.

THE END