Fiction logo

98 — Shenanigans and Such: a Treatise on Dipshits, Assholes, and Combobulations

For Sunday, April 7, Story-a-Day Challenge: Day 98/366

By Gerard DiLeoPublished 2 months ago 2 min read
The original shenanigan, and the hilarious hijinks that ensue therefrom!

My name's Tom Foolery, and I'm always in the nitty gritty with my shenanigans. Whether it be horseplay, brouhaha, or general rigamarole, I jump from the frying pan into the fire with all of my hijinks. Some call it hanky panky; I call it being discombobulated.

I've paid the price, faced the music, and done my time.

My pitter-patter's willy-nilly, all pell-mell when I'm in the thick of it--up to my ass in alligators. I'm namby-pamby and wishy-washy. My helter-skelter chitchat is a shitload of jabberwocky mumbo jumbo because I zigzag with ragtag riffraff. I can't hack derring-do, much less grow a pair.

I'm just shitty, wearing hoity-toity like stink on shit. I'm ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. Without a leg to stand on, if I had a wooden leg I'd be shit-on-a-stick. You can't eat shit sandwiches if you don't like bread--so I'm shit-out-outa-luck. I float my boat up Shit's Creek.

I'm a dipshit.


A stupid or incompetent person. (Usually vulgar.) --Merriam-Webster

Usually? At least I'm not an asshole.


Anus. A stupid, annoying, or detestable person. --Merriam-Webster

Stupid, annoying, or detestable--but not incompetent. Assholes are competent. My incompetence is why I'm a dipshit and not an asshole.

I'm constantly putting out fires after I cut to the quick. I've seen seesaws yet know what I see but deny what I saw. I know what I am and not what I know. I see seafood food.

I weave tangled webs of clusterfucks, my mouth running with brainfarts. I wag, telling tails told by an idiot. Running things up the flagpole in spaghetti storms, I see what sticks.

I'm a cliché, ne'er-do-well, and good-f0r-nothin'. They said I'd never amount to anything, but I showed 'em and amounted to less. When all's said and done, I won't spill the beans sayin' what I've done.

I throw good money after bad, borrow trouble, and always miss the boat, except for the one up Shit's Creek without my paddle.

When I kick the bucket, I know I can't take it with me, but I plan on re-combobulating and taking other people's stuff with me. Try n' stop me, asshole, 'cause you're up against a dipshit!



This treatise originally was presented as my PhD candidacy thesis on Mazlow's Hierarchy of Miscreants, performed by the Bridge-on-the-River Choir, at the Symbionese Liberation Navy Academy. No assholes were harmed in the writing of this story-of-the-day.

There are currenly three Vocal creators participating in the Story-a-Day Challenge:

  • Gerard DiLeo (myself)
  • L.C. Schäfer, challenge originator
  • Rachel Deeming



Word count (excluding notes): 366

Submitted for Sunday, April 7, 2024

2024: A Story-a-Day for the whole year. This one is #98.

All pictures are AI-generated, but the assholes were portrayed as themselves.


About the Creator

Gerard DiLeo

Retired, not tired. In Life Phase II: Living and writing from a decommissioned church in Hull, MA. (Phase I was New Orleans and everything that entails. Hippocampus, behave!

[email protected]

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments (3)

Sign in to comment
  • C. Rommial Butler2 months ago

    Well-wrought! All the world's a stage, eh?

  • D. J. Reddall2 months ago

    Wonderfully mad!

  • Andrea Corwin 2 months ago

    You showed them and amounted to less 😂😂😂😂😂 clever - and I use discombobulated frequently.

Find us on social media

Miscellaneous links

  • Explore
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Use
  • Support

© 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.