500 Words

Carolyn L. Davis

ENGL 101: Basics of Writing

Mr. Richard Benson

April 22, 2010

Anything

A 500 word assignment

You told me to write about anything. "Whatever you feel like putting on paper." you said. As pointless as the assignment is, you do have complete control over my academic career at the moment, so here's my 500 words.

This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time.

This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time. This is a waste of time.

Are we having fun yet? I thought so. If I have to waste my time typing 500 arbitrary words on a computer, it's only fair for you to waste your time reading it. Maybe next time you'll come up with a better assignment.

I realize this is just a way for you to gage my vocabulary and grammar skills since I came mid-semester, so here you go: Sycophants wield obsequious compliments with a competency equal to that of a dog sniffing out a steaming pile of excrement.

Since I’m no sycophant, I hope you don’t expect me to leap at the chance to impress you. The only person I’ve ever been able to consistently impress are therapists, and that’s only because they continually insist on claiming they know what’s wrong with me before even taking the chance to hear me speak.

I bet your surprised I go to therapy. After all, aren’t people who go to therapy supposed to come out the other side with more self-awareness and vanilla zen and less attitude and sarcasm? All I can say is, you shouldn’t feel special that I’m failing your class. Don’t take it personal, but your’e not the only one, just one in a long line of dissapointed people.

Failing just so happens to come with the job description of being me. I didn’t write the job description, either. Hell, I didn’t even apply for this position. Everyone just shoved it in my lap and told me to follow the script: lie, cheat, fail, dissapoint. That’s all anyone expects from me, so why not give them what they want? Any real effort on my part is dissected for an ulterior motive, so I’ll just save them the trouble.

Even this assignment: “Write about anything.” As if giving a topic would be too hard for the “chalenged teen transfer.” No rules or guidelines, because why even bother at this point, right? She’s difficult, she’s stupid, she’s broken. Set the bar low and expectations even lower.

It’s fine, I don’t take it personal. I’m just here to play the part that everyone expects of me. It’s not my fault if they won’t give me a chance. It’s not my fault they only see what they want to see.

I could attempt to prove them wrong, but if I try…

I might fail.

Word count: 500

A short exercise in how much one can learn about someone in 500 of their own words. How well do you know Carolyn from this short essay? Let me know in the comments. While you're there, feel free to suggest a writing prompt you'd like to see me tackle in the future, and hit subscribe! Thanks for reading.