4 - Flesh

4- Flesh

It was all I wanted for my entire life, staring at perfect skin flashing on television, dazzling around. Every time I was given pocket money spending it not on sweets or confectionary but magazines, the models dressed head to toe in designer brands, their skin as perfect as babies. I knew everything was fake and that’s just what I loved about it but something inside me didn’t want to just settle for only looking good in photographs, I wanted the change to last forever.

All my family disapproved, there was only me concerns with image, beauty and fashion, my other older siblings and parents really couldn’t care, but being brought up in a farm everything was least concern, animals came first.

When I finally moved out into the city into my own apartment, I could really start by earning my money for the biggest thing that would happen in my life, plastic surgery, so when an older, handsome man double my age started taking notice of me on his way to work at a business firm earning more money than I could dream I began becoming more involved.

He wasn’t my idea of a handsome man, but I could agree he would have been earlier on in his life. Once I told the family that we were both romantically involved the lectures and disapproving comments came along, to be honest It didn’t really matter, I was now living my own life in the city and there was very little they could about it.

When the day of my 21st birthday rolled around and my now boyfriend handing me a golden wrapped box with a golden bow tied to the front I screamed for joy, peeling the top off revealing a slip of paper, he watched in delight as I began to read aloud, an appointment had been made for plastic surgery the following week, finally my dreams were coming true.

I must admit I was terrified when he offered to drive me there in his large black Porsche. The place was hidden well, not inside a hospital. Everything was clean and white when I walked inside to reception but everything felt so quiet and still. No one was waiting, just one older lady on the reception desk that smiled sweetly as I walked closer.

“Take a seat.” She gestured to the many white chairs in the waiting area. My boyfriend was just standing in the doorway about to move away I shouted:

“Aren’t you coming in with me?” The fear in my voice was now clear for him to hear.

He shook his head, told me he had an urgent meeting to attend, turning his back out of the building I watched him wave a last goodbye from the window were he drove off.

“Won’t be long now.” The woman said looking up from her computer.

I nodded and smiled but inside I could feel every part of me bubbling up with worry. I knew I complained about my family, but just at that moment I really wished they could all burst through the main doors and rescue me back to the family. I was second guessing my decisions whether it was truly worth it. I couldn’t leave now; I just froze still in my seat when my name was called.

A small doctor with a bold head in his mid 50s. I wasn’t a particularly tall person but I towered over him. I followed him down white corridors that looked all the same arriving in one of the rooms resembling a dentist.

“Just pop yourself on there.” He pointed to the chair that had paper towels underneath surrounded by strange medical instruments. “I won’t be long.”

I watched him leave as I hoisted myself onto the chair, lying down, my head just bent slightly. I waited which felt like hours just staring at my fingernails deep in thought. I questioned everything I knew about the man I fell in love with.

With no warning, the lights completely turned off. The blinds were closed so no light shone through, I stretched my head to face the corridor beside me, everything was in complete darkness. Then I started to really panic.

I thought Id taken something because the next thing I saw was the little man dressed half monkey half teddy bear with just a tiny glimpse of his face so I could tell it was him. I was surrounded by darkness still apart from the instruments that shone silver resembling kitchen knives.

I panicked as I tried to wriggle away, I was frozen, I couldn’t move any of my muscles. One of the last things I remembered was a silver knife hurtling towards my face and then just nothing.

I woke in a sweat. I’d never had a nightmare so vivid in my life. I looked down at my hands. Nothing, everything was black except this time I could hear movement, slight footsteps walking closer. They seemed to stop just by me, I could feel there breath in my face.

Very slowly I could see. I was lying in a hospital bed dressed in a gown where a nurse sat smiling at me. I hoped someone I knew would be here with me but I seemed to be alone just as before.

The nurse handed me a palm sided mirror placing it in my hand. I turned to look at myself.

Flesh. That’s all my face was now. My skin bloody, my eyes bloodshot and hollow. I had been carved like that of a pumpkin.