Your compliments don't work for the baby?

As the saying goes, "A good word is warm in three winters, but a bad word is cold in June", and this is also true for children. My colleague's child is very smart, but he just doesn't study well. Kindergarten teachers often complain to parents that their children can recite ancient poems at a young age, very smart, but they just do not work hard and think about playing every day. After that, colleagues learned this phrase, and whenever the child is lazy, always say the same to the child. Later, the child went to elementary school, but still the same old, not studying well, and always at the bottom of the class.

Nowadays, more and more people are affirming "appreciation education", which means praising children and making them gain self-esteem. We find that in the eyes of our colleagues, it looks like a word of praise for a child who is smart but not hardworking. Colleagues also always hope to motivate their children through this phrase and make them study hard, but the effect is not obvious. True praise for a child is never just a simple phrase.

In daily life, parents always go into some misunderstandings when praising their children.

1、Praise your child all the time

Many children are only children, mothers and fathers hold them in their hands for fear of falling, in their mouths for fear of melting, and love their children very much. Therefore, in the eyes of these mothers and fathers, the child is perfect, without a single flaw. In their daily educational activities, these mothers and fathers always praise their children and never point out the problems in the growth process of their children.

Praising your child is not a good thing for your child. Over time, the child will become complacent and think that he or she is perfect and has no flaws. Such a child is likely to become the "little bully" or "little princess" at home, shouting at home, but go outside, once someone says they are wrong, it is difficult to bear.

2, the process of praise, too much emphasis on the child's genetic factors

Just like what colleagues do, always say to the child, you are very smart but just do not work hard. We all know that the factors affecting the growth of children can be simply divided into two categories, one is genetic factors, and one is the quality of acquired training. Genetic factors include intelligence, genes, and so on. These factors are innate and can not be changed. The qualities of hard work and diligence are acquired and can be changed.

In our society, we prefer a child who is smart but doesn't study hard to a child who is hardworking but not intellectually outstanding. By always praising a child with genetic factors, the child is likely to neglect the cultivation of acquired qualities and become self-confident and show off his or her intelligence without doing anything.

3. Use external, material rewards often

Many parents don't know how to praise their children, so they can simply do something practical, take their children to eat a big meal, or else buy them their favorite toys. Praising children does require material rewards because children are still young, and these material rewards and extrinsic rewards for children's motivation are very strong. However, if used frequently, the effect is not very good because it can damage the child's motivation.

As children get older, they have more and more needs. Parents can't always entice their children to do something through external rewards all the time. So, while the occasional material reward can surprise the child, true praise emphasizes more on the communication between the parent and the child's heart.

Having said that, we will find that, subconsciously, many of the practices of praising our children are wrong and have no scientific basis. So, many moms and dads will ask, how exactly should we praise our children?

The next few points will be shared with you, and I hope to inspire you, moms and dads.

1, the praise to the child must be specific

Many moms and dads compliment their children for the sake of complimenting them, and not from the heart. Therefore, these mothers and fathers generally praise their children are more general, such as: "you are great, you did a good job, you are very good ah" and so on. However, when parents use such general language to praise their children for a long time, the children do not know which specific aspects of good work are favored by adults.

Therefore, in the actual educational activities, it is recommended that all parents can make the language of praising children more specific, such as: "Today you cleaned up, really good; you learned to help your mother wash the dishes today, too good!" This kind of specific praise can make children understand why they are praised, and they will be more willing to do so in the future.

2. Focus on praising the process of effort

The purpose of praising children is to motivate them and encourage them, so their progress is worth praising for us. But many moms and dads only look at the results, not the process, thinking that the child did not get 100 points is not worth praising.

We should all encourage our children when they make progress. This is both an affirmation of the child's efforts and a better incentive to keep going. For an adult, the effort to be praised will make you happy for a long time, let alone a child?

3, must be sincere, from the heart to praise the child

There is no way to fake praise or compliments because once the praise is not from the heart, it will look very fake and can be detected at a glance. This is also true for children's praise. Children are very smart, a small expression, a simple action, can get their attention. When a child gets an award and "shows off" to their mom or dad, the mom or dad simply says "great" and continues to play on the phone with no expression, which is simply too damaging to the child.

Therefore, it is better not to praise your child if it does not come from the heart. Sincere praise requires that parents not simply want to send their children away quickly and simply pass by, but use praise as a form of education and use it purposefully and systematically to shape their children.

There are many ways to praise your child, from verbal rewards to material rewards, etc. Because every child is different, you need to teach your parents according to their needs.