You're The Lorelai To My Rory

I am blessed to have so many women in my life that inspire me whether that be friends, family or simply someone I meet out in the world.

However, there is one woman in particular that inspires me the most… my mum, Jane! I know it sounds cheesy to say that one or both of your parents inspire you the most but its true and I want to share with you why.

My mum and I have always had a close bond and relationship. From a very young age I was always a “mummy’s girl” and would want to be with her all the time (I’m going to be honest, I’m still like that now at 22 years of age). People would always say I was the mini version of her because we look like twins which is something that I take as a huge compliment.

When I was 11 years old I got diagnosed with panic disorder and anxiety, I immediately became attached to my mum as I felt she was the only person who could calm me down and to be honest when something scary happens at a young age, it’s completely normal to want your mum! I was very attached and did not want to leave her side for a very long time. Eventually I went back to school and our bond was not so attached as before, I think this was good for both of us at the time. My mum worked in business with my dad, so she started working from home in order to look after me and help me through the issues I was having.

When I look back, I think wow! My mum did not have her own ‘personal’ life, her life was just looking after me and being with me every single day 24/7. I honestly don’t know how she didn’t just go completely bonkers! My mum is the kindest, most selfless woman I know. This is why she is so incredible.

I always wanted her to be with me because of anxiety and she always said “don’t worry, I’ll be outside if you need me”, when I had trouble going back to school she would wait outside my school in her car all day! No toilet breaks or anything! She would wait from 9am up until I came out at 3pm. I remember asking her why she never went to get lunch or went home after I had gone in and she said “I didn’t want to leave in case you wanted me and I thought you would feel safer if I waited outside”. My mum would wait outside for me at parties if I felt panicky and anxious at say 11pm for hours, she would wait whilst I went to see my friends until I felt calm and better and felt okay that she went home. This is the kind of pure, compassionate and thoughtful person my mum is. Her life consisted of looking after me and my sister and following me around places. All through this she never got angry at me or complained she just knew I had extreme anxiety and panic and she wanted to help me in whatever way she could. I appreciate her so much for doing these kinds of things every single day for me for nearly 10 years.

I want to say that this experience made us so much closer (and not just because I was attached to her at the hip). My mum had experienced panic attacks when she was younger, so we had this emotional connection with one another. We both understood what it was like and how the other one felt. Sometimes I think we are connected on a deep level because even now we know when something is wrong with the other if we are sad or angry, we can feel each other’s pain even if we don’t show it.

Not only is my mum my parent and family, she is my best friend, she is my inspiration and she is my entire world. I would go anywhere in the world with her because I feel so safe and comfortable in her company. At this present time, I am 22 years old and I have grown a lot since I was younger, I no longer experience panic disorder or anxiety so that desperate attachment isn’t there as much anymore. I live at home and work from home so I spend mostly everyday with my mum which honestly, I wouldn’t change for the world! We laugh together every single day and constantly talking in strange voices and reciting lines to our favourite tv shows we love.

Gilmore Girls is something we love to watch together. I always say we are like Rory and Lorelai Gilmore.

My mum is someone who I admire and have so much respect for. She is honest with me and I with her, we have a beautiful close mother-daughter relationship which is something I am truly grateful for and blessed to have in my life. We know each other better than anyone and she is the person I always turn to first. I remember when I would tell my mum everything! We had no secrets between us and I would never lie to her, she always taught me to be honest with her no matter what it was I had done she would never be angry and annoyed at me she would try to understand and we would talk it through. Because of this, I never did anything that would be considered “bad”. I never drank or tried smoking or anything because she gave me that open space I felt as though I didn’t need to do any of that because I had nothing to prove from it. I would tell her if I had a bad day at school or argued with one of my friends, I would tell her about my first kiss or if I went out on a date. Having that open space to tell one another absolutely anything, gave me so much respect for her and honesty.

I am the woman I am today because of my mum. Her actions showed me how much she loved me truly and deeply. She taught me everything I know and a lot of emotional intelligence. We have had disagreements before but never full arguments, we understand one another too well. As I get older, I realise how incredibly brave and strong my mum was and still is! To spend all her time looking after me and reassuring me, witnessing panic attacks and anxiety knowing she couldn’t take it away but still keeping faith and telling me everything would be okay. I think sometimes we see our parents as superhuman! That they are so strong and brave they must not feel sad or anxious and when I found out that my mum would be anxious sometimes but never tell me because she didn’t want to start me off too it made my heart melt. She wanted me to feel happy and positive so she kept how she felt inside so she would have this strong and brave exterior for me to see and feel safe.

I understand now that we are all only human, we feel sad and vulnerable sometimes and that’s okay. No matter how young or old you are it’s okay we are only human.

The one thing that makes me feel better if I ever feel sad or upset is my mum’s voice and laugh. Hearing her voice on the phone makes me instantly feel safe and calm, just her presence can make anyone feel safe and grounded. We laugh so much at everything; our humour is very much the same, so we find anything funny. We have had many points of laughing over something so silly and then my mum would end up on the floor laughing, I’d start snorting and tears would just flow! I think being able to laugh with someone who deeply makes you chuckle, and giggle is one of the greatest things we can experience.

We used to drive around late at night listening to music and drinking coffee. Taking trips into London to get out our comfort zone. We have had so many little trips out that I truly cherish and enjoy. In the summertime we would have a picnic in the park and watch dogs run past us. I love spending time with my mum, I remember when I was younger I would want to hang out with my mum rather than my friends because I always had so much fun and adventure being with my mum, sometimes we would have sleepovers and do face masks and stay up late talking!

This article is for my mum, her compassion and love, her kindness and gentleness. She inspires me to be the woman I am meant to be. She inspires me to take risks and live life fully. She inspires me in everything she does. So mum, if you are reading this (which I know you are), then I just wanted to say you are my inspiration, my whole heart, my best friend and I love you with all my heart.