Working Mom vs. Stay-at-Home Mom

I wasn't planning on this. Really any of this. But let's just say 2020 has been a pit of despair that truly keeps getting worse with a dimming light at the end of an excruciatingly long tunnel. So here I am caught in a cross-fire of what in the world am I really meant to be: career-focused mom or a permanently at home mom.

I have always loved to work and enjoyed my career choices, but when I really thought about it...I always imagined myself being a home-maker. Raising my kiddos and having cookies every day when they got home. (My oldest is about to turn six and I have yet to make a home-made batch of cookies for him). The reality is though- when I started having kids, I honestly struggled between which "mom" I should be.

I worked half-way through my pregnancy with my first and had the opportunity to stay at home until he was 18 months old. It was pure bliss. Never having a schedule. Spending endless one on one time with him. Making up plans and having adventures whenever we wanted. It was amazing. Then we made a major change- my husband quit his job and pulled his retirement for us to live off of. I do not recommend this at all. However, for us- this was the best thing for our family and frankly the best year of our life together.

So as we were running out of funds and my hubs wasn't getting the expected job opportunities...I updated my resume. I submitted my resume. And I got call backs. It was a scary process and the concept of leaving my son at home with the hubs or with someone else was not ideal. Did I mention that I was 14 weeks pregnant too? Yup. Got hired while pregnant! I worked for almost my entire pregnancy and received an unexpected, lush three months off with my newborn.

But two major things happened to make this work so smoothly: 1) If my kids were not home with my husband, they were with VERY familiar faces that I 100% completely trusted and 2) I was working for a non-profit with an extremely good cause. This matters. It made me working, worth it. And I began to be fully grounded in the concept that I was a working mom...and I loved it.

We moved to a different town shortly after I returned to work and I took on a new job. It was a regular business, I didn't have a private office to make pumping convenient and we hired a full time nanny, because my hubs was now working full time as well. It was a stressful transition, but one that made me even more driven about working. I felt guilty at times not being at home, but I never felt less of being a mom. My babies loved me. I loved them and my time with them became so much more poignant and intentional.

As I grew in my job skills and knowledge, I was able to challenge myself more and apply for jobs that "rank advanced" me to say the least. I went from the small business, to managing the funding for a department of a major school district, to tackling something I was passionate about, but had no experience. However, between all these positions, for me, something was not right. I was giving my time and energy to people that weren't making an impact on the community around them. Remember the non-profit company I worked for earlier? I was able to work for them, because it was a bigger cause than just me. I felt validity in my work. Now, to me, I did not feel validity in these new positions.

Here is the major thing I finally realized: it was perfectly normal to not feel the need to work any longer, but it was also perfectly normal to want to find the right career path that brought me satisfaction and contentment with what I was doing.

I feel as moms we put an unnecessary pressure to have one or the other or simply half way do both out of necessity. It does not have to or need to be this way. There may be a season in life where being at-home is the best for you and your kids. Then there may be a season where your career needs to be a focus for your family. One isn't better. One isn't less. They are both important and matter.

Now, thanks to COVID-19, I have unintentionally become a stay-at-home mom. The transition has not been easy this time because it was a sudden decision done out of necessity for my kids. Three months in and I am finally adjusting, albeit poorly, to being a stay-at-home mom. I have dirty dishes every night in my sink, the laundry pile gets washed and dried-not put away, and I am fairly certain that my kids had cake for dinner last night and breakfast today. But in the midst of this unwarranted chaos- I have found a deep purpose. This is my new career path right now and it is worth it.

Don't compare or think less of yourself because you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. You are a mom regardless..and I even vow to say a pretty incredible one at that. So now I am going to go see if I can find some flour and sugar and maybe make those cookies I have been planning on.