Why is the child yelled at, but never hold a grudge and know the real reason? you won't yell anymore.

Parents do not know how to control their emotions, blindly yell at their children, will only push their children further and further away.

Early in the morning, hundreds of messages appeared in the mother group because of a message from Lele's mother.

Mother Lele wrote:

"in the face of my daughter who reached out for a hug, my heart was filled with unease and guilt. I even thought I didn't deserve the hug."

When Lele's mother was tutoring Dabao yesterday, she was full of fire. At this time, Erbao came, not pestering his mother to tell stories, a hard day's work, tutoring Dabao's dissatisfaction, and her husband's lack of strength made her angry. She yelled at Erbao and turned to give Dabao a slap.

The two children were startled and burst into tears.

While crying, Erbao stretched out his hands and said to his mother, "Mom hug".

Seeing the appearance of the two children, Lele mother was very remorseful. She knew that the problem was not the child's body, but she took it out on the child herself.

Looking at the child who stretched out his hand and begged for a hug, he couldn't help crying!

Mothers in the group leave messages one after another, and they often encounter this kind of situation. every time they roar and hit the child, the child will cry and beg for a hug at the same time, and his heart is full of remorse.

Obviously, after being scolded by my parents, the tears haven't finished yet, and the grievances are still in my heart. Why do I immediately reach out to my mother for a hug because children don't hold grudges?

After being scolded by his mother, the one who reaches out his hand and asks for a hug is always a child.

After being beaten by his mother, the one who speaks first is always the child. Why is the child always the first to bow his head and compromise?

Kids love you more than you think.

It's really not that the child doesn't hold a grudge and has a big heart, because in his heart, you are the one who loves him most and can bring him sense of security.

In the young heart of a child, you are his world.

When he is happy, he hopes you can share his happiness; when he is sad, he hopes you can share his sadness and give him timely comfort.

Especially for children before the age of 6, children have absolute dependence and trust in their mothers.

Even if his mother scolded himself one second, he wanted to be comforted in his mother's arms the next.

The child is afraid of losing you.

When the child was scolded by his mother, in fact, his heart was very scared, his mind went blank.

At this time, the child is not thinking about what's wrong with him, but "Mom doesn't like me anymore."

In the face of the ferocious face of you, the child's heart is full of fear, the first reaction is to seize the mother, return to the mother's arms, and make sure that the mother still loves herself.

Therefore, children who are often scolded by their parents lack sense of security because they have been living in panic for a long time.

Why is it that the older the child is, the farther away he is from us.

When he was young, as soon as he yelled at him, the child would beg for a hug. why when we yelled at him when we grew up, he turned and walked away, even without saying a word to his parents for a few days.

Does it mean that children don't love their parents when they grow up?

Before the child is 6 years old, his emotional relationship with his parents is very close, especially his mother, which is his whole world.

As the child grows up, he begins to have friends and his own circle, and when his sense of independence begins to strengthen, although he still loves you, his world is no longer alone with you.

If parents still choose to treat their children with a simple and rude roar, they are actually pushing their children out of your world, and further and further away.

After many people enter puberty, they do not talk to their parents very much. Even in adulthood, it is very difficult to communicate with their parents. In fact, the main reason is that in childhood, parents roar again and again, pushing their children away again and again.

Roar, yell, beat and scold, this way of education, in fact, is more about the emotional catharsis of parents.

And the reason why we are so unscrupulous, desperate to break out our dissatisfaction, but because the children ask for hugs again and again.

Parents take advantage of their children's love for themselves to push their children further and further away.

Someone in Zhihu asked: what is the experience of having a grumpy parent?

A lot of answers are heartbreaking.

"to fight violence with violence."

"learned to be indifferent."

"I have the urge to die."

"it contributed most of the shadow of my childhood and cultivated my sensitive, cowardly, indecisive and silent character."

We unscrupulously lose our temper with our children again and again, which may not seem destructive, but it is actually deadly to our children.

Children are not only getting farther and farther away from their parents, but also have very negative personality changes, and even their personality will be affected.

1.

Learn to control your emotions.

Olison Madden said in the book Capital of Life:

At any time, one should not be a slave to one's own emotions, and one should not subject all actions to one's own emotions, but should control them in turn.

Studies have found that when people lose control of their emotions, their minds go blank.

If the out-of-control emotion is too strong, the brain's thinking is difficult to recover, its thinking is narrow, its self-control ability is weakened, and rational analysis is restrained, the emotion is temporarily out of control.

It only takes a few seconds to get out of control, but in those seconds, your mouth can become the straw that destroys your child.

two。.

Don't treat children as emotional trash cans.

Sometimes, parents' temper against their children is actually a kind of emotional catharsis. They have accumulated too many grievances and grievances in their hearts, and vent on their children by criticizing their children's excuses.

Why should the child bear your problem?

As an adult, how ridiculous and shameful it is to let a young child become his own emotional trash can.

3.

Choose the right way of education.

Mark Twain, an American writer, has a family rule: if children make mistakes, they must be punished.

The way of punishment can be put forward by the children themselves.

If the child makes a mistake, your roar can only make it worse. It is the best way to cure the symptoms rather than the root cause. The best way is to let the child bear the consequences of the mistake. He will correct it only if he knows where the mistake is and how to face it.

So it's no use losing your temper. We have to understand what the ultimate goal of education is.

4.

Don't put