Why is it that as soon as you speak, the child gets tired of reading this article and is finally enlightened?

I watched a variety show before and talked about the topic of "being a parent".

We did not expect that Yu Qian, a crosstalk performer who "talked eloquently and talked eloquently" on the stage, overturned his car in front of his son.

When asked, "what are you most afraid of your son saying to you?"

Yu Qian said: "I am most afraid that he will not say anything."

Yu Qian revealed that every time he asked his son, "how was school life?"

The son's answer is always "fine" and "that's it", and there is nothing else to say.

Yu Qian sighed helplessly:

"this is what I fear most, because you don't know him, and you begin to be unable to enter his world."

Children's first words of babbling are taught by their parents. why do they have nothing to say to their parents as they get older?

This is asked in the mouth of the parents and pierced in the hearts of the children.

On Zhihu, a netizen's "letter of complaint" opened the "scars" of thousands of children's childhood.

She said that when she was a child, her mother was afraid of catching a cold and always liked to bathe her with very hot water.

Although the mother tried the temperature of the water with her hands and thought it was just right, for a child with delicate skin, the water was really hot.

She protested with her mother more than once, but her mother always said, "I've tried. If it's not hot, it will get cold."

Although she struggled countless times, she was defeated by her mother's "self-feeling" in the end.

Over time, she felt that it was in vain, so she obediently "shut up", but every time she took a bath, she was still very scared.

Until one time, the water was so hot that she felt that every pore hurt as if she had been stuck with thousands of needles.

She wanted to beg her mother, but when she thought that the result must be "Mom doesn't feel hot," she began to cry helplessly when she thought of it.

Her cry finally won her mother's cold response: "there's nothing to cry about. I'll just give you some cold water."

It is as if there is always a thermometer between parents and children.

When children feel hot, parents always use "Don't be hot, don't worry, don't cry."

And so on, force the child to give in.

So the children who grew up washing "hot water" slowly became silent in the torment again and again.

Such scenes can be seen everywhere in life:

The girl's tortoise died and she was very sad.

Mother said, "there's nothing to be sad about. Just buy another one."

The boy's meal was cold and he didn't want to eat it.

Mother said, "No, keep eating. It's still hot, but who told you to eat slowly?"

Parents always don't understand why children don't want to talk to themselves.

But the child has said it many times:

"the bath water is very hot."

"I'm full."

"I'm sorry."

.

"Communication" is two-way and requires feedback.

When children express, do parents really give their children feedback that they are willing to continue to communicate?

Psychologist Jonis.

Weber once said:

"if parents fail to give their children enough emotional response in childhood, it will cause potential psychological trauma to their children."

When the feelings expressed by the child are not understood, not seen, or even denied, and suppressed, his heart slowly closes.

Someone once asked, "Why are children and parents more and more speechless?"

The most highly praised answer said: if you think you will always be right, who will have the will to communicate with him?

The mother takes her daughter shopping for clothes, but never helps her buy clothes that look good to her.

"Pink doesn't look good. You look fat in it."

"this color gets dirty easily."

"what do children know about aesthetics?"

Mother's words, let the girl began to silence.

After going through several times, the girl is no longer willing to go shopping with her mother.

My freshman son made new friends.

Dad yelled out:

"Don't play with XX. His grades are so poor. If he can achieve anything in the future, he should play with the monitor more often."

The child bowed his head in disappointment.

After a few more scenes like this, the son will no longer share any joy in this aspect with his father.

You must have heard these words as a child, and you may have said these words as a parent.

Are these words right? yes!

Are these words for the good of the children? yes!

But, did the kid listen?

No!

The "right" of being a parent is based on belittling their children's aesthetic values and choosing friends. Such a "right" is quietly wrong.

It only allows communication between parents and children, leaving only "um, oh, got it".

My parents always think, "I've eaten more salt than you've ever eaten. How could I be wrong?"

But parents feed "salt", children eat too much will feel bitter, feel uncomfortable, because what children want to eat is sugar.

I once saw an issue of "Super Parental Master". There was a child named Yuchen, who always ignored his parents.

The mother seems to be very concerned about him and always takes the initiative to talk to her children, but what the mother says is not only grades, but also grades.

Even at the dinner table, my mother would not talk about food and home cooking, but directly took out a paper for Yu Chen to do.

Yu Chen became more and more impatient when she heard it. She just said "yes, yes, yes" in response.

After a while, my mother began to talk about learning again. Yu Chen completely refused to communicate this time and went back to her room directly.

On the surface, it seems that the child is not sensible, but in fact, it is the mother's way of communication that makes the child feel "suffocated"

What parents want to say is that what parents care about is what parents think is right, but ignore their children's feelings.

The sentence "I am your mother, I am all for your own good", putting all the words from the heart of the child under the "Wuzhishan".

Parents always want to prove themselves right, which is a mistake in itself.

Educator Yin Jianli once said:

"there are two fundamental reasons why adults often fail to find a suitable way to make education a destructive behavior: one is distrust of children, and the other is too much confidence in themselves."

Parent-child communication, how right you are, how wrong you are, because winning a child is far more important than winning a child.

When parents find that parent-child communication is the most difficult lever to balance.

The degree of "too much" and "less than" often puts us in a dilemma: if we don't talk, we are afraid that he will be wrong; if we talk too much, he won't listen.

Parents' language is the gateway to the future world for their children. How to say that children are willing to listen is very important.

On one occasion, in the community playground, witnessed a "parent-child relationship rollover drama."