Two-child family record: the more you interfere, the worse the quarrel!

Educational pointer.

For many second-child families, the greatest pressure to raise two children is not money or time, but the relationship between the two children.

My friend Lili sent a request for help on WeChat moments late at night, and the picture was devastated.

It turned out that her two daughters had another fierce quarrel: the elder sister roared and threw things, the younger sister cried for her mother, and the room was in a mess and a mess.

Lili wrote that every time the two children quarreled, they refused to give way to each other, making her feel a strong sense of frustration and helplessness. She originally wanted her children to accompany each other, but she might turn out to be an enemy. Am I wrong?

(picture from moments, authorized).

Lili's rhetorical question made me, both parents, have mixed feelings in my heart.

As parents, we try our best to be good for our children, hoping that when we leave the world, the child will be accompanied by a person who is closest to him by blood.

But many people ignore that the relationship between brothers and sisters is also a difficult problem for children, which needs the guidance and help of parents' wisdom.

Creating balance is the best care.

A few days ago, Sun Li posted a long post on Weibo, recording her chat with her son and so on.

Wait, he doesn't want to be a brother, he wants to be a brother or a sister.

Sometimes he feels a lot of pressure to be an elder brother. Everyone takes his sister for granted. He will not be praised for his good deeds, and his sister will receive countless praises after doing a little bit.

He thought it was unfair.

The ten-year-old child's heart is full of grievances brought about by the attitude of adults towards their children.

In life, many parents have prejudice towards the upbringing of the eldest and the second, and even have an obvious preference for a certain child.

Psychologist Salloway has found that:

If parents obviously prefer a particular child, then the children tend to get along very badly in adulthood.

Of course, absolute fairness in the family is also very difficult to exist, to treat children, to create balance is the best care.

Pay attention to the psychological deviation of the eldest after the arrival of the second, do not blindly whitewash that the second is the best companion of the child, but face up to the possible disturbance that the second may bring to the life of the eldest.

More help should be given to children who are in a weak position in terms of age and ability.

Of course, this kind of helping role can be played by another child to increase the intimacy between brothers and sisters.

The writer Li Gang wrote a very good way in her book.

For example, when you instruct Erbao to do his homework, remember to tell Dabao that Erbao is young, has no learning ability, and needs more help.

Or, if you buy a new dress for Dabao, remember to tell Erbao that Dabao is going to take part in a special activity at school.

Only when parents create a balance between two children in different ways according to their children's different characteristics, can every child feel their parents' attention to themselves.

Correct guidance is the best help.

An Nan is a model mother in the mouth of a friend. She has two sons who are two years apart, but the two children are completely different from what we imagined.

Generally speaking, the family of two boys must be fighting martial arts dramas every day.

But the two children get along very harmoniously, and everything is discussed and solved.

If there is a conflict, the two will have a technical competition, which can be solved by playing games, wrestling or even running races.

Friends have come to learn lessons, A Nan said, this is also the result of continuous groping.

For the handling of conflicts between the two children, A Nan usually adopts the principle of non-judgment and non-substitution, guiding them to solve the problem by themselves.

Slowly, the two children found the best way to resolve the conflict by themselves, and they would never come to their parents again.

Do not judge, which means that when resolving conflicts between children, do not directly label the child.

The Sears intimate parenting Act states that parents should judge whether their behavior is good or bad, rather than imposing value judgments on their children.

For example, you are wrong, you are impolite, and you are a cheapskate.

Every parent's definition of a child increases the child's backlash.

To make matters worse, when you make a hasty decision without knowing the facts, you may have wronged him and made him have the idea of acting according to his parents' label, resulting in a psychological labeling effect.

Do not replace, means not directly for the child to deal with the problem, give the answer.

As stated in the book how to develop your Children's Social abilities, when you keep telling them what to do, they don't have the opportunity to think and explore other options for themselves.

For example, if you give something back to him, it's no big deal to share, apologize to your sister, don't cry, and give each other a hug.

Every instruction given by parents to their children is just to tell them what to do, without giving them any choice or opportunity to solve their own problems.

No matter what happens, let the child express what happened and ask more about what happened.

Let the children talk about their feelings and ask more about how you feel after what happened.

Let the child think about the solution to the problem and ask if there is a way to make both of them happy.

Psychology professor Laurie Kramer said:

"unlike friends, there is no way to choose a sibling relationship.

So, in day-to-day conflict, you learn to negotiate and compromise. "

Letting children solve problems between brothers and sisters on their own can not only promote feelings between brothers and sisters, but also lay the foundation for children to enter society and deal with complex interpersonal relationships.

It is the best respect to distinguish each other.

I once saw a story about twins on the Internet.

The parents of the twins think that allowing their children to share things can enhance their relationship with each other, so their children are indistinguishable from each other in the use of things from an early age. They can wear clothes or play with toys.

When a child sleeps in a separate room from his parents, two people share the same room, even if there is still a room in the house that is unoccupied.

The two children share space, time and everything all the time, plus they are the same age and at the same stage of development, and conflicts and disputes often break out.

When the two children went to college separately, one of the girls was very happy.'I finally don't have to spend my birthday with another person anymore, 'she said excitedly.' I want to enjoy everything by myself.