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Why Is Dating Not Worth it? Here Are The Points:

When dating is not worth the work, emotion, and time

By NizolePublished about a year ago 6 min read

I'm blessed to be surrounded by intelligent, strong, charming, and entertaining ladies. We talk about the things we're working on, our aspirations, and the books we're reading. or at least we do the majority of the time.

This winter, there was a point when it seemed like the only topics my straight pals and I discussed were the guys we were seeing. We worried about their inappropriate conduct, spent hours poring over their text messages, drank too much wine, and looked up their ex-partners online. We went utterly insane.

I was not only the regular initiator of these obsessive sessions but also an enthusiastic participant in them. I had reentered the dating scene after a nasty split with an intelligent but emotionally distant architect. I made our time together even more perplexing by searching our exchanges for unspoken significance. There was so much to scrutinize and decipher between the kind way he treated me when we were together, the chic way he wrote to me while we were away, and the tidbits of knowledge that flashed across my web landscape! Maybe there was?

I regained consciousness after a few months – yeah, it took that long. My buddies and I were being decimated by a brand-new, specifically gendered form of craziness as if a cloud had been removed. It's the insanity brought on by guys who are harsh or uncomfortable in their refusal to express their disinterest, so they instead do it subtly, hiding behind technology. Unfortunately, attempting to influence another person's behavior is pointless, just as attempting to change a river's course is. I wasn't going to try to alter these guys. I understood that I had to alter my conduct.

It was simple. According to harm-reduction treatment, a person will continue to engage in a harmful activity until they stop. I was through.

The amount of time my various buddy groups have spent discussing the problems caused by indirect males over the last year could have taught us to speak passable Russian, I promise. Putting romantic love ahead of everything else did more than just divert our attention; it also prevented us from becoming better versions of ourselves and robbed the communities we serve of our potential contributions. We lost our ability to see clearly into the future.

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My 25-year-old buddy Hanna adds, "I believe it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. "Because I don't feel more fulfilled, I resort to the crazy dating scene, where I heedlessly lose more of myself. I then continue to go more into a situation that makes me feel worse.

Most of my friends want connections built on mutual respect, trust, and honest communication. It's not unreasonable to ask. Therefore, I made the decision in February that I would not pretend to care less than I did or to be a kinder person than I am. I decided not to worry about whether or not a guy I had two dates with would contact me at a certain time. (My God, it became gloomy.) I made the decision to only walk with those who would value my time. It felt great, too


We all hear the same fairytale conclusion as children: We'll meet the one, they'll complete us, give us love and devotion, and we'll settle into a life of contentment together. A romantic partnership is portrayed as the ideal in narrative novels, romantic comedies, and practically every book's plot.

Surprise, it's not that simple. People feel injured, relationships dissolve, and a divorce occurs. People around us often inquire about our plans to reintroduce ourselves after a split or even the loss of a significant other. Because in our culture, couples are obviously necessary, solitary individuals. It is seen as the end result that we must all strive towards. People will comfort us by reassuring us that there is someone out there for us if we respond by stating that we have no interest in meeting anybody. And when we have a partner, we can never stop celebrating our union.

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In general, the dating pool is substantially smaller for gay individuals. For straight people, there is much fish in the sea, but for us queers, there are just a few fish in the lake (at best) or puddle (at worst). Additionally, if we don't reside close to a city, our alternatives can even be limited. On the other hand, if we are no longer in touch with our family of origin, we could want a companion even more than our cishet counterparts.

But should we see relationships—whether romantic or otherwise—as our ultimate goal? Or is this only a forced idea that requires deeper investigation?

The relationship journey may be sufficient for some. They believe that the time spent learning to love and commit to another person was worthwhile, even if things do not work out. Even when things don't turn out well, they may look back with thankfulness. Others, however, just experience disappointment and annoyance since their time, money, and mental energy were wasted without producing any noticeable results.

One of the latter is me. I feel like all of my prior relationships were useless losses when I think back on them. When I might have invested in myself, I spent my resources on others. Yes, we had some wonderful experiences, but I also have plenty of other pleasant memories with family and friends that aren't tainted by bitterness or uneasy loss.

Life is a cost-benefit analysis in every aspect. Is the prospective return worth the effort? This year, I came to the realization that dating just does not provide me the satisfaction I need to keep putting the effort out, no matter how much I value connection and commitment. I'm aware that others share my sentiments, but they seldom express them since dating and relationships are seen as essential aspects of life.

What if I gave up dating? Not just temporarily or "until" some enchanted event alters my opinion but as a firm and irrevocable decision in and of itself. What if I eliminated the possibility of finding a partner? Would I really acquire something that few people get to experience—self-fulfillment—or would I truly lose everything?

I am aware that I value connections. I do everything for other people. So who can I direct that energy to without risking heartbreak? One benefit is that I can channel all of that energy into my spiritual practice. After all, my relationship with God is the only one that offers me the same feeling of calm or purpose. I could spend all of the time I would be talking on the phone, sending texts, or seeing my partner in prayer.

What about loneliness, though? We can experience a deep and agonizing sense of loneliness while we are single. However, aren't individuals in partnerships often alone? We often find ourselves unable to connect with someone who is shunning or ignoring us. Instead of relying on one person, I may make connections among my friendships and get support from a group of people who love and care about me.

Spirituality, dedication to a life purpose, family ties, and platonic friendships may essentially take the place of romantic relationships and all of their advantages while removing the risk of heartache. No more worries about my life being turned upside down, needing permission before moving, or even getting my hair cut.

My marriage advice is a free ebook to download.

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