Why I'm Not An Outraged Black Mom

I carefully guard the information I receive from the media. I started doing this a few years before I had children, to improve emotional stability. After nearly 15 years it has become a habit. I highly recommend media detox, especially to parents.

You will find that you still learn all the important information you truly need. You’ll also find that (if you haven’t already realized it) receiving media separately from the 24/7 news cycle creates a bubble where you can engage information more thoroughly. This is because you won’t be manipulated by media or pulled into emotional bandwagons as easily.

Most importantly, you will feel more empowered and less stressed. This is very important if you have children to raise. As someone with a predisposition for anxiety and depression, I find the outrage in the United States around race puzzling and shocking.

I have a thorough emotional memory of learning about racism as a child. It was a situation of familial warnings juxtaposed against stories in the news media about how doomed black people were according to statistics and studies. I felt immediately rebellious towards the idea that I needed to take on the armor of self-preservation and uphold an accepted narrative for a whole race.

I was fortunate to have a naturally rebellious nature. Many friends and relatives I know subscribed to the narrative and the perceived reality that as a black or brown person there was no choice but to be always on alert, paranoid and afraid, as a source of protection. I’ve never seen these qualities protect anyone.

I’ve had widely varied experiences, relationships, and opportunities in my life because I didn’t perceive a racist default. This doesn’t mean I blinded myself to situations where race did come into play, but I didn’t fear racism so much that I limited myself either.

As I’ve aged, I’ve learned to see racism through the lens of a wide range of experiences. I’ve heard negative comments, racist jokes, and seen prejudice in my life and the lives of those close to me. However, I am slow to judge these situations.

This, I think is the most important quality of all. I have 3 children, one is a boy, born almost 4 years ago, in the midst of the Black Lives Matter movement. Having a boy, a black boy doesn’t worry me any more than being a black girl worried me 30 years ago.

Being human is risky. There are racist, prejudiced, sexist, sociopathic, apathetic, abusive, violent, unsavory people of all types, all over the world. But by and large, I’ve lived a safe life, the people in my family have lived safe lives, my friends have lived safe lives. Even in relationships with the police.

Has there been harassment? Yes. Has there been grace? Yes. Has there been injustice? A little. Does it strike me as being strictly race-based? No.

Not all of it will be intentional.

My oldest children have learned about the protests going on about the killing of black men in the United States. We did not tell them that they should be worried. We did not tell them that black men or black people are being randomly, senselessly killed in the streets, and by police.

Why? Because there are always reasons. They may not all be justifiable, but my children are growing up in the United States of America, that is a privilege. There are privileges and disadvantages in everyone’s lives.

They need to know that automatically assuming a racial bias to every injustice will give them more anxiety than strength. They need to know that the statistics will tell you that we are safer as (black/brown) people in the 2010s than anytime before. They need to know that some people’s responses (usually the loudest ones) are sensationalized, dismissive and inaccurate. Including those from “reputable” news sources.

We told them that the color of their skin does not have to hold them back in life. We told them black people are not being hunted down like animals. We told them they don’t need to worry, but most importantly we told them to use their critical thinking skills before jumping to conclusions. We told them to beware of the media using the masses to divide and incite fear.

That is the true danger of living in the United States. That is what I fear most for my children. I fear that their mental autonomy will be stripped from them, that their peers will be sucked into constant emotional distress due to overconsumption and dependence on media manipulation. Not all of it will be intentional.

Some of it will come from influencers, who’ve been informed from various sources. Some will come from friends and family with the strong ability to persuade, without consulting their unconscious biases first. I fear radicalism more than I fear racism and that’s what today looks like to me.

If I could give advice to the protesters around the world it would be this:

• disconnect yourself from the media
• wait for a full investigation
• don’t look for connections in every case, see each situation individually before connecting dots
• take care of your personal needs
• make a decision slowly, thoughtfully, and without any regard to the movements going on around you

This is also the advice I give to my children. We all need to exercise discernment and patience. If you have anxiety please look into treating your anxiety first.

From personal experience, I can say life is much better and more clear. You also have more of a positive impact on the situations around you when you can manage your stress and responses. And if you have children, they will learn to face stressful, complicated, and difficult situations by watching your example.

Don’t give your children a gun loaded with emotionally damaging bullets. Don’t allow their brains to be filled with doom and fear. Empower them (and yourself) to learn all the information necessary to make informed decisions, including statistics from years, decades, and centuries ago.

Also if you’re already on this path. Speak up and help diffuse those around you who have more easily fallen into the disarray of division. Our children need a better world to grow up in.

Let’s learn the whole truth and give our children empowerment.

True solidarity is not burning buildings or demonizing an entire field of work. True solidarity is not assuming every case the media brings to light is part of a racially motivated conspiracy.

True solidarity is listening to each other and communicating effectively and respectfully. Our children need to learn this, our children need to learn that they can be used by media agendas. They need to learn that the media is not impartial.

The most racism happening in this country is coming from mainstream media creating outrage and hysteria. The media is creating distractions while we sit back and take our focus off of the political changes going on around us. Our real power lies in organization and politics, but instead, we protest before we know what we’re protesting.

Please teach your children to have a longer attention span, engage in slow media, and make informed decisions. Please don’t teach your children that black people are being killed all over the place for no reason. Let’s learn the whole truth and give our children empowerment.

If this resonates with you, I want to add that I'm not just casually writing about this topic every now and then. I am working on stories, books, poems, and a program to help foster understanding, life skills, sustainability for the whole family, and true inclusivity through cultural exchange and active diversity.

I would appreciate a tip if you want to support me on this endeavor.