Whispers Beyond the Fence

I knew I wasn't supposed to cross over the fence without my mom, but there never existed a single rule that I didn't break at least one time.

I picked up a twig, used it to dig through a nearby anthill, and squirmed after noticing lots of tiny larvae inside. With living in a more country area, our surroundings were a whole habitat on their own, and hanging out here was the only best way of coping with anything.

The barbed wire fence had gaps large enough for my small-framed body to feasibly climb through. I hurriedly swiped my bangs and twisted my head around to make sure no one was around to witness me. Having been clear, jolly ol' me dashed to meet up with all of the bulls and cows grazing on the grass. I've come to learn that the best time of the day to come out is when the sky is slightly greyer than usual; typically, when everything is more peaceful and the cattle join together. The quietness allows me to easily hear the chatter of each animal that echoes onto the faint whistling wind.

After some hesitation, I fixed myself into a crisscross position next to Eli and caressed his furry neck. I was pleasantly surprised that he allowed me to approach him, as he usually lies far away from the herd. Eli was the calf of the first cow that Dad had kept on his farm; named, our special boy. This year, something in him had changed as he no longer resembled the energetic, playful bull we once knew him as. Plain darkness rested in his eyes; before, they were like black pearls that glowed beneath the sun.

I reached for the small bag of cookies that was inside the pocket of my denim overalls. Usually, the crumpling sound of the bag alone would attract Eli's attention since he tends to recognize it as a snack, although up to no avail. I softly whistled my favorite lullaby, the one my mom used to sing to me when she cradled me in her arms while I was still small enough to lie on her lap. I was hoping Eli would respond to it, but instead, he knelt his head flat on the ground and sighed loudly—the warm air from his nostrils brushed over my ankles. I stopped whistling and sighed, myself. His condition was getting worse. Alone, I munched on the cookies, one by one, and continued to gaze at the sunset peeking just slightly above the mountains far away, noticing it slowly fall out of sight but just not quite yet.

"Mom might catch me anytime now." I walked away and then turned my head back around. "I'm sorry I came here so late."

After placing one leg through the fence, I turned around to observe Eli for one final moment. I was hoping he would have followed me here, but of course, that just wasn't who he is anymore.

Upon approaching my house, I saw a familiar car parked in our driveway. The blood drained from my body, and all I could hear was a distant ringing sound in my ear. I didn't get the chance to step my foot inside the front door before a man with blue gloves came out of it. He's our family vet. My mom had a rope of what I can only assume was a cattle halter in her hands; that was when I felt my organs sink to the ground, and I almost fell on my knees. She gave me a glass-eyed stare before walking away alongside the vet—as I followed afoot.

Without even closing the door, we entered into the old, broken-down shed that we still kept for many years, and Eli was placed inside a squeeze chute. My mom glanced up at me, with part of her face consisting of only shadows. "This is your time now, sweetheart."

I slowly walked towards Eli and wrapped my arms around his head, and upon noticing his eyes, I began to feel even more frightened. They exposed no emotions.

Suddenly, in my mind, I saw Eli's same emotionless face appearing out in the road through the windshield of my dad's Chevrolet Silverado—right before swerving straight down a small hill. Heavy rain poured down both our upside-down bodies, mixing with blood. I only managed to get myself out within a given time, but it wasn't easy pulling my dad's limp, unconscious body out of the truck. In the reflection of the rearview mirror, I spotted a dark round body standing just behind us. I carefully approached the bull and read its name tag,

"Our special boy, Eli"

The sound of my dad's ringtone echoed from a distance, and it grew quieter the further and further I led Eli back inside the fence. He kept bellowing, but I told him not to worry and under no circumstances to ever cross over the fence again. However, I couldn't walk out the fence since he would just keep following me, and I refused to have my mom find out that Eli was the culprit, so I just lied motionless on the ground—the same way my dying dad did.

As my hand was still placed on Eli's face, I was knocked back into reality after feeling his nose beginning to twitch—I could tell he was trying to reach for my pockets. With a shaky grin, I stroked the top and side of his head. "I'm sorry, boy, but it's all gone now." Knowing what was to come next, I turned my back away, feeling warm tears uncontrollably flooding my eyes. I gradually turned back around to examine Eli's blurry face, and when my tears fell, I noticed his half-opened eyes and droopy face.

Although he was slipping away, I knew he was still partially in there. I softly whistled my lullaby, and his eyes shifted, which made me stop mid-way through the tune. I almost laughed from the amount of joy a tiny instance like that had brought me.

"Eli," I whispered, hoping he could still hear me. "let Dad know that I'm sorry and I miss him."

My mom ordered me to grab a shovel for the burial. Meanwhile, I excused myself from helping.

I looked across the field of cattle—they were staring straight at me. Their eyes revealed more than what their mouths can, and I figured they acknowledged my pain. As I climbed over the barbed wires, I spotted a dent on the ground where Eli was lying down and rested my head on top of it as though he were still there. It was only a second into viewing before the last portion of the sun sunk below the very tip of the mountains. A large but soft, chilling breeze swept my bangs across my face and brushed into my ears—remotely resembling that ticklish feeling when someone whispers in your ear.

I kept replaying the last words I said to Eli in my head. Knowing my dad, he wouldn't blame me for what I did. And, reassuringly, he definitely would not have blamed Eli either.