When Your Little Girl Asks

One Christmas Eve my two youngest daughters returned home from a visit with their grandparents and they had a different look to them. Their faces were not what I would expect to see on Christmas Eve. The following day was one of their favorite days of the year.

As I helped them take off their thick winter jackets and was about to get them fully engaged with one of our family traditions, making chocolate chip cookies for Santa Clause, I got a quick update from a seven-year old in a way only a seven-year-old could deliver. I could see the disappointed look on her face and asked what was wrong and did everything go OK at her grandparent’s house. She responded by crossing her arms and said, “I just found out that Santa Clause is not real!”

She started crying although she was really trying to keep it together acknowledging that she was in full investigation mode. “Is this true?” She quickly followed up her bold statement with this question which was really not a question at all, it was a challenge to convince her otherwise.

I’m sure I am not the only parent that grew up in one of the two households that as an adult I find unsettling. The first was the household that invented a new myth, legend or holiday for every event that their child was going to encounter. This behavior is great for the preschool aged children as it often encouraged them to imagine these wonderful concepts like the Tooth Fairy, Cupid or the Easter Bunny which helps parents keep from starting out their explanation of a custom or holiday with, “back in 1538 there was…” and loosing every child’s attention by the fifth word.

Many of these stories have found their way into the family unit’s identity which is fine until your eighteen year old looses a tooth and is pissed about the Tooth Fairy passing him up on his last sacred offering.

Then there is the second type of family that I found just as troublesome. This family has a strict “tell the kids none of it is real” policy and those kids are terrorizing anyone with a Christmas sweater on in the 2nd grade with the, “your just not mature enough to understand” philosophy.

In my case it wasn't really either of those scenarios. My children were struck with the concept that Jesus would somehow become offended if Santa Clause was not formally debunked in His name.

Understanding that the world is full of conflicts and that there are corporations out there preying on our children’s desire to enjoy Christmas with some nice gifts under the tree and on the opposite side of the spectrum there are some religious leaders that will preach against Old Saint Nick in an effort to keep the people’s eye on God and not on an iPhone 13 for their 3rd grader.

So, before I answered this seemingly simple and innocent question asked of me from my daughter’s quivering lips I had to make sure I had the right plan and the right mindset to carry out said plan. A plan that will heal my little girl’s heart and make her grandmother (I found that out later… grandfather was off the hook for now) simply wrong about what she said… and not just now but from now on. I reached down to my poor little child, took a knee and whispered to her as I gave her a big hug. “That is ridiculous, who could say such a thing?” I was immediately met with words of deep protest and she looked at me and stated the facts.

“Grandma did, and Papa didn’t stop her and say she was wrong!” She said with new tears running down her cheek. At this point I glanced over to her younger sister who was still in her winter coat and standing there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. I will never forget how she was able to stand in and reinforce her sister’s story without ever saying a word. When her sister would ask a question she would look at her with such compassion as if every word was breaking her heart and when it was time for me to respond there she was glaring at me through squinted eyes and an unparalleled look of disappointment on her face. She had never heard of my explanation of the importance of the justice system in America and I was not innocent until proven guilty. I was guilty and may not make it until tomorrow unless I clear my good name with these two girls.

Luckily I did have a plan and it was one that even the most dedicated fact checker, who would probably have to raise an eyebrow in protest but pass the story along as factual on the context of the story line itself.

At this point I explained that this was not a simple thing and that when something like this comes into our hands we need a serious approach to the subject matter. Then I demanded that we not make two batches of chocolate chip cookies but we would need a third batch so we could have something extra to snack on during our “official” meeting on the topic of Santa Clause, is he real. This was agreed on and the two little ones joined their mother as she began to slice the cookie dough (don’t judge) and place them on the cookie sheets and I quickly found their older sisters and debriefed them on the upcoming family meeting that they had a mandatory to attend status marked next to their names on the attendance sheet.

The house filled with the smell of cookies and I know there were cups of hot cocoa being poured up even though their mother and I had a lengthy conversation about the odds of children falling asleep on Christmas Eve after chocolate chip cookies and hot cocoa. I had failed to bring her to my side on this topic but that was going to be the last failure we would have to endure because these children, my kids... were not going to loose Christmas on this day.

We all met in the living room where I began the meeting by lighting not one but two fire logs (don’t judge here either) that were crackling and whistling in no time. In fact it was such an agreeable fire that our family dog Ezecuelle (who we called Zeke), a two year old Great Dane quickly claimed the spot closest to the fire place and looked back at me to check his name off of the attendance list as present, which I did. I looked around at all in attendance and I could see one mother and four girls all present, the eldest boy was off doing Navy things so he got a formal excused pass for this one time. I will now explain the following as if it is taking place right now and this is not my recollection of events but a live presentation of the Legend of Santa Clause. All of the children’s names have been altered to help preserve their anonymity.

“OK I am ready to begin. Are you guys ready?” A non enthusiastic round of sure, I guess so and possibly a whatever came mumbling out of these lovely children’s mouths. “OK fine, I guess we have already come to a conclusion on the Santa Clause matter? Is this true?” No comments from the children possibly because of the I dare you to say something look I decided to offer up to them in that moment. “Good, smart kids.” I said looking directly at their Mother.

“Very smart… indeed.” She said back which for the record was NOT agreeing with me but rather openly warning me that they were on high alert, this also implied that if I ruin Christmas for her and the children from this day forward she would have just cause to ruin things I seemed to take great pleasure in, none of which I will come into agreement with.

“Before I explain who Santa Clause is I would like to start out by explaining that Christmas, a day that is known for the wonderful spirit of giving all over the world which as called a Secular tradition or not religious, is also known as the day Jesus Christ was born. This is important because it shows how the whole world can embrace something even if they are not part of the culture or religion that also embraces the same day or event. You see time has a way of recreating things that are important to the people of that time. Christmas was already a celebration long before the birth of Jesus Christ, but it was just called another name. For example in parts of Europe they celebrated Yule around the same day. On that day Odin, father to Thor… back when he was part of a religion and not a movie star, Odin would fly over Europe and pass judgment on who was going to prosper the next year and who was not.

Romans celebrated Saturnalia and would allow the lower class and even enslaved workers to enjoy a month of true freedom as the upper class would focus on Juvenalia, and worship Mithra on the 25th of December, an infant god of the Sun, and you know how everyone loves babies…

The end of December, or the 21st more specifically was the shortest day of the year so people could look forward to days getting longer and the cold winter yielding to spring. This time of year was also when they would slaughter the livestock to give themselves plenty of food and because it was hard to keep the livestock alive through the winter. Wine and beer that was started in the fall after harvesting the grapes and barley… and stuff was also ready to drink so they loved to celebrate in December. Early Christmas celebrations were more like parties that lasted weeks or a month. Then came the birth of Jesus and his life and death, which the Bible did not say exactly when he was born. We celebrate his birth on the 25th of December now so I guess the exact day does not matter but the reason why we celebrate it on the 25th was no accident either.” I was loosing them I could tell. Time to step up my game.

“So now we get into Santa Clause. Do we even know who he is? What his real name is? Yes we do, and his story is amazing. In fact his story is so amazing that one thousand eight hundred years after he started his legendary works my children were told he was not real and it hurt them deeply. What kind of man can have such an impact on a child after such a great deal of time. A saint as history tells us. Saint Nicholas of Myra also known as Saint Nicholas of Bari was a man that was very wealthy but gave his wealth away and traveled the countryside helping the sick and most notably looking after the children.

One of the first stories of Saint Nick was when a father… who was nothing like me by the way, fell on hard times and planned on selling his three daughters… excuse me his four daughters," I said changing the facts. Four girls in the story matching my four.... parents get this I'm sure. "Where they would live a life of… (prostitution... nope won't tell them that.. thinking... got it) a life of exposure at home.”

“A life of exposure?” My oldest daughter Syd asked.

“Yes, this meant they could… not wear pants when they were at home, it was terrible.” Syd’s jaw dropped as she thought about it and her sisters started whispering among themselves after a short council from the eldest. They all shared gasps and embarrassed looks with each other and finally Omi, at the age of three could be heard asking “no dresses?” and her older sister Belle answered,

“I think no dresses too.” which then the final question was thrown into the conversation, which was not shared with the adults only overheard by them. The second youngest and the one responsible for the family meeting stated,

“So just their underwear?” At this time the oldest Sid whispered something I could not hear into her ear but her eyes opened as wide as I’ve ever seen them as she took a giant gasp of air.

“Saint Nicholas heard about this and saved those girls, making it possible for them to get married and in those days the husbands would pay the parents once they were married which solved the father’s money problems. Once married they were allowed to wear pants or a dress whenever they wanted and getting paid from their husbands to possess the girls was in no way similar to getting paid by strangers to possess the girls.

Saint Nicholas became famous for bringing the poorest people joy as he gave their children gifts, many of which he made himself. Now… here is when this story gets really crazy. Saint Nicholas lived from March 15th 270 until December 6th 343. At this point there are many stories about what happened to the world at that time. Some say a curse fell upon the Earth while others blame religion or the sinners among men for the troubles of those times. What was known is that the year after Saint Nicholas left the Earth there were no presents for the children and cries could be heard throughout the lands. Then it began. People started to tell their children about Saint Nicholas and they better behave so he will come this year. Saint Nicholas lived his life near modern day Turkey but countries all over had heard about him. In Holland they called him Sint Nikolas (Dutch for Saint Nicholas) and the name Nicholas had a short version in Dutch which was Klaas. Over some time the name Sinterklass was associated to Saint Nicholas which in the this country (United States of America) we pronounce the name Santa Clause.

Now let me explain something that does not come into a young person’s mind but it most definitely crosses the mind of your older self. The word is legacy. It is the way you are remembered by those who you leave behind.

We can argue about what happens to us once we die. Some say we go to heaven others say we are reincarnated and come back to Earth to live again while others say once we die we no longer exist, the lights simply go out and never come back on. But, our legacy is told every time someone talks or writes about us after we leave this world. We have no control over what is said either, so many people try their hardest to do something special or spectacular so they will be remembered fondly, while others start a movement or tradition that could be carried on by their children or closest friends and family.

Saint Nicholas was not known to have lived a life in the public eye just to be remembered… no, he just did what he did and people missed him so much after he was gone that they celebrated his life and death. But that all changed too.

Some people say that necessity or having a great need is the mother of invention. Something was invented because there was a need. The people needed something they were not getting and it is not what you may think. They did not need presents on Christmas, it was really quite the opposite, they needed a reason to give. A reason to show their love and give to their children and other family members without society looking down on them for spoiling their children, as was common in those days.

You see a true test was coming for Saint Nicholas and Santa Clause. A test that he could not take himself, but all of those people that believed in him and what he did would have to take in order to keep the spirit of Santa Clause alive.

You see shortly after Saint Nicholas died changes were happening all over the world. History tells us that as the belief in Jesus Christ grew stronger so did evil works of mankind.

In those days the church often had more power than any country. Acting on this power and authority the church decided that it was time to end the old religions. Stories about the Greek gods and Roman gods began to circulate. Zeus was no longer available for the Greeks and the Romans lost Jupiter (which is the same person different culture) and the Norse people a little north lost Odin and his son Thor. During this time the belief structure of these parts of the world were reshaped but one person that survived it all was Saint Nicholas.

For a short time the celebration of Christmas, which was still more of a party than what it is today, was outlawed in countries like Great Britain as well as in colonial America where the strict Puritan religion found it more suitable to hunt down and destroy witchcraft than to engage in the spirit of giving. Christmas was outlawed in early Boston but kept alive and openly celebrated in southern colonies like Jamestown, where a report from Captain John Smith said Christmas was celebrated by all and without incident.

Then in the more modern era we have a new call for Santa Clause as he was used as the face for charities like the Salvation Army would dress the homeless up like Santa and go and collect money to help feed the poor on Christmas day. There were dozens of traditions that eventually found their way into Christmas from the Christmas Tree and Christmas Stockings over the mantle, to Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, or kissing under the mistletoe... some came from older traditions and others were simply new stories that the people loved and adopted to create the newer version of Christmas we know today.

The Santa Legacy was so powerful and infectious that in modern times the whole world reenacts his good deeds. Parents across the world will take a silent oath to sneak away from their children and get them presents and sign Santa Clause on the gift, then tell their children that Santa Clause came to visit them the night before. Are they lying? In the most strict terms of the words... sure, but let’s not forget that we look at many of the gifts from above, gifts from God, regardless of the religion through the acts of mankind. We have this voice inside of us that many can hear loud and clear, many people will say things like God told me to give this to you or God put it on my heart to do this. We can call this God or Karma or our good will or our subconscious mind at work but it is all still that individual acting a certain way based on what they feel from within. It is in this exact measure that Santa Clause still exists. His story is still being told. Every year the spirit of giving is released and rejuvenated through the recreation of acts of Santa Clause.

Some people insist that it takes away from the message that their religion is telling but I’ll loyally argue that point. This is why…” I looked up and still have all four of my girls watching me, listening to the legend of Santa Clause. I was amazed to be honest.

“You four are my children. If any one of you do such great things in your life that for the next two thousand years your name is remembered and good things happen in the world with your name attached to it… does this anger me? Of course not. You are my children, your success thrills me, it can't diminish anything about me. So you see just because people love Santa Clause and love his story so much that parents all around the world copy what he did while he was alive, does not make him an enemy to any religion. As a child of The Father would He not look kindly on your legacy? This also means that yes, Santa Clause is real.

I can prove it tomorrow morning when you wake up too, just like millions of other parents will prove it to their children tomorrow morning. He is not alive like me or you but he lives on through the good works of mankind on Christmas. There is very few people that have ever lived that have been able to do this. This means that no one can take him away from you because we can remember his name and as long as we remember his name we can simply wait until Christmas and bring him back to life again.”

I exhaled and went for another cookie but soon found an empty plate and four little girls with their mouths full and smiles on their faces. Finally Ally the seven year old looked at me long and hard without saying a word. She took a sip of what was surely lukewarm cocoa and after a big gulp she cast judgment on my stance on the legend of Santa Clause.

“So you and all the grown-ups pretend?” She stated, which I was starting to worry about which way she was going to go with this one.

“We do… so you and all the other children will never forget the name Santa Clause.” She continued to look at me as everything I had just explained in the most honest and logical way I could think of resonated in that amazing mind of hers.

“Does this mean I… can be Santa Clause when I have my own kids? Because I am a girl and Santa has a beard.” As I am trying desperately not to laugh at this very serious question, with some straight forward facts mentioned that could be seen as problematic for a young lady to overcome.

“There is only one rule that you MUST follow and if you follow this rule than yes, you can become Santa Clause too…

You have to keep his secret, you must not tell everyone that the spirit of Santa Clause allows grown ups to understand his life and how important it is to give to their children and their families and friends. Rule number two and this is something that I must have forgotten but legend has it that Saint Nicholas had once said that we never have to wait on him to give, that we can give to each other every Christmas or any other day that we feel like giving. Legend suggest he told a secret that really shocked every child.

'One day you will grow up and remember how good Today was, how excited you were waking up to a present just for you but that feeling will be miniscule compared to how it feels to Give one day.'

So remember keep his secret so your children can enjoy Christmas just like you have and any time you need to feel good try doing what Santa Clause has done… give something that is special to you to someone else. As soon as you can do those two things you will know Santa Clause is real and you will be able to become Santa Clause and recreate the magic for your family.”

With those final words I thought we were done with our family meeting. After all Zeke the Great Dane was snoring behind us next to the dwindling fire and somewhere in the kitchen dishes that were once covered with cookies were being washed. But, in that moment my oldest daughter Syd looked up to me with a smile and said.

“I’ve got a great idea.”

The next morning, the exact time will never be known I suppose, my daughter’s grandmother would open her front door and there waiting for her was a box wrapped in green paper with a bow on top. Inside was all but three cookies from the third batch of chocolate chip cookies that were made for Santa, three of which were left on our fireplace mantle as voted on and unanimously decided by a mother, father and four girls. The rest were packed into box after being wrapped in wax paper on top of about a hundred individual sheets of bathroom tissue that were all twisted up and tied into knots, filling the box up completely. On the top of the box was a short letter that read,

To Nana and Papa, Merry Christmas!

From- Santa Clause

I can’t remember ever seeing those four girls more excited then when we made this one gift and snuck it over to their grandparent’s house in the middle of the night, quietly placing the box on their front porch.

One of the neighbors caught us in the act too and we caught them in the act of hugging each other as they watched these four little girls play the role of Santa Clause for the first time. As we drove away a deep laugh started with a seven year old girl and was then repeated by everyone in the truck as she shouted “Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas!” Now that was fun!

We got home and it was very late so I took the two older girls to their room to tuck them in, a tradition that would never go away in our household apparently. The two little girls were being tucked in by Mommabear and then something happened that should have been tragic.

Both parents fell asleep in their kids rooms, and this was before we were able to honor the Santa Clause tradition. We were all so tired that we all woke up late, especially for Christmas day. It was eleven AM when I started hearing my name called over and over and being called through a voice that was obviously crying.

Reality has a way of striking a man at any time from anywhere and as I come to be awake enough to realize that I fell asleep on my daughters floor I also remember that I had a job to do that was not done and it was too late to do it now. My oldest two daughters jumped out of bed and yelled “What did Santa Clause bring!” as my heart surrendered to a crushing feeling. I heard my name through a crying mother’s voice again and I thought it would be best if I pretended to be sick and hide in the bathroom... but instead I did the opposite in spite of my best judgment. Then I heard all four girls yelling, and I had done such a solid job the night before too, such a shame.

Then another round of yelling began but it was after a distinct sound was made. The ripping of paper in a specific manner, almost exactly resembling the sound of wrapping paper failing to defend the identity of the contents of that in which it was made to conceal. As I walked down the hallway and the living room came into sight I could see presents everywhere, both big and small and a lot of BIG presents. My daughter Belle yelled over to me “Heads up Daddy!” and as I looked her way a box hit me in the hands so perfectly that the number 12 flashed through my head for just a second.

I looked down and it was a present for me from “Santa Clause”. I looked up and my wife was so happy she still had tears of joy falling to the ground. She offered me a smile and I decided to open the box I had in my hand. In the box was a six inch tall figurine of Jesus. I knew exactly where it was from too, their grandmother’s mantle over their fireplace. Inside the box was a note and a chocolate chip cookie. The cookie surely meant she knew where her cookies came from and the note read as follows…

#1 check your phone dummy

#2 God Bless you.

Just when you think you have seen it all you get a note like this one and it really makes you wonder who is more crazy... you or them. With that thought rolling around inside my head I pulled out my cell phone which was dead… go figure. After a minute on the charger I turned it on and looked at the messages, nothing new. Then I decided to look at the call list and the last call was made to the girl’s grandmother’s cell phone and the call lasted an hour and ten minutes. I was confused so I motioned the other adult over to me and shared the note with her along with the phone situation. She started laughing and looked at me and said, “So you pocket dialed her cell phone out of all the numbers in that phone?”

“It was the last number that called me when they were dropping the girls off last night. I was going to call her and raise hell today too.” I said feeling guilty about what I had planned to do and say.

“Instead you accidentally called her while you were explaining Santa Clause to the children. I think she agreed."

On that Christmas long ago Santa Clause had officially survived, not for the year but for another generation.

Imagine the good we could do in this world if our only goal every day is to make someone happy.