When Wonder Woman Falls

Amazing, women are. Each one of us has our own super powers. We learn to be daughters, siblings, friends, work woman, support persons, nurses and mothers, wives and so many other titles. We are a part of the family foundation that other's depend on. We become our own Wonder Woman.

Once A Paramedic

Today, I am writing about Jenny. (Name changed for privacy.) Jenny, was raised by two very stern, stoic, loving, resourceful Wonder Women of their time. By the briskness of Jenny, I knew exactly where her demeanor came from. She learned to be a force to be reckoned with due to her ancestors upbringing. This same briskness was the very thing that made her an excellent paramedic. She could put you in place and at ease with her straight forward approach to her job. In the times of trauma and pain, she was there to help save those who were in need. Jenny, was a Wonder Woman to friends, family and strangers.

Paramedic in Need

During the Covid pandemic, Jenny's brain exploded with an AVM bleed in her brain. She became the patient and Wonder Woman was defeated. With hospitals filled with Covid patients, she was kept waiting for help. Parts of her brain died as the bleed continued for hours and up to a day. As soon as a medical bed and treatment was found, she would be in for one of her hardest time in life. She would have been healthier if she had contracted Covid but that was not the case. The pandemic was a different monster for her.

A storm

Traumatic events lead to traumatic recoveries. They are long, hard, invasive and humiliating and Jenny talks about the path to recovery as a battle. She fought everyone. She defied everyone. As I am to understand it, she was far from the model patient. Her response to her trauma was acting out and was emotionally abuse of the nurses. Her response to her trauma wasn't a positive for anyone.

Life had become a perpetual storm. Once a strong medical personnel to a patient didn't sit well with Jenny. Needing help from anyone didn't sit well with Jenny. She was used to being the Wonder Woman of the family. When this happened, she became dependent. Strong Native women do not do well in the role of a dependent. We are the caregivers and not the ones needing care. Because of this, recovery became a storm to her family. Medications, walking, bathroom, bathing and feeding became the family battle. Life was stormy and their grey skies lasted for many years.

Blood makes you related.

Jenny, and I are distant cousins. We were by no means close. I kept her at an arms reach because as kids, she wasn't the nicest person to me. Family, however, always kept the door open between us. As our elders did, we always "checked in" with each other. However, after the passing of her mother, it was clear that "check in" was no longer an option.

Grounded

Due to my own health, I too am healing from an illness. I too have been stripped of my Wonder Woman status for a while like Jenny. My condition isn't as near severe as Jenny's is but I am still grounded at home to heal. Being grounded has given me the chance to be there for Jenny. If I am having a good day, I wander off to see Jenny. If she is having a good day, she comes to see me. We measure our productivity on the level of our health for the day. Most of the time, we are sitting in our homes grounded to allow our bodies to heal and texting is the best we can do.

Two Elders

Jenny and I are two old ladies trying to help each other keep going through life. One day at a time is all we can do. Since reconnecting, we have spent many days together redefining our Wonder Woman status. We can no longer run after the little ones. We can no longer lay down a feast for the holidays. We no longer can climb the ladders to clean the dust off the bookshelves. Accepting this reality is for the birds. Yet, we try to laugh it off when we become butt hurt from our new reality. What is worse, we see our mothers on ourselves. Jenny and I have officially become our mothers. We are now the elders trying to keep family together.

Our poem

From the Darkness

In human experience, many find a period in their lives when one finds themselves in a period of darkness. Illness put Jenny and I in one of the darkest places in our lives. We both had major recovery to do and we are still staring at the fact that our health will never be the same again. After writing the poem above, I began to wonder, how can we come out of our darkest times. How can we assist each other through this so called life?

When Wonder Woman Falls

Through the past five years, I have had the pleasure of knowing many woman who are amazing Wonder Women. Strong women who are a force to be reckoned with. When they get ill, they are a handful. In my experience, I noticed that a Wonder Woman personality comes with one or two responses to illness. One is surrender or one is to fight. The Wonder Woman who surrenders has endured too many fights. The Wonder Woman who fights redefines their role to fit their new circumstance.

Healing Light

The creator seems to think I am a healing light. Where a Wonder Woman is in need, he makes sure I can be there. As I serve, I learn. Apparently, my servitude is a light in the darkest of times. I have learned how to handle the needs of others as they recover from illness and such. I find a little glimmer of light for them and find a way to get the patient to get there. When this Wonder Woman fell, I was thankful for all the little lights that were given to me. Jenny was one of those little lights that came to me in my darkness.

The Needs of a Wonder Woman. (no particular order)

1. Let them do what they can.

I remember the first month of Jenny's recovery. She could not walk to the restroom so she HAD to surrender to receiving help. She accepted this fact. What she didn't accept is being fed. She COULD feed herself. She COULD wash her face and brush her teeth. She COULD do many things herself but her family was falling over her to do things for her. Her hands were not steady but those few bites she could eat on her own were well earned and she was proud she could do THAT for herself. Small victories need to be given to a fallen Wonder Woman. Small victories are important to a Wonder Woman during healing.

2. Alone NOT Lonely

Family caring for family almost always mean one is staying with the ill. When I was writhing in pain, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want someone sitting over me as I was curled up in a ball of pain. I wanted space so I didn't abuse my caregiver. I was not worried of being alone because I knew there was always someone near by. However, when I was feeling good, I was grateful for a visit. Those visits cure the loneliness that would come and go. Visits to see a Wonder Woman is the reward for all their hard work they have done in life.

3. Accept their Decisions

Jenny is a very proud person. She is very worldly and feels judged for her appearance. With her AVM, the surgeons had to cut chunks of hair from her head. She struggled with seeing people because of her appearance. As the Wonder Woman she is, she decided to go Shena O'Conner and cut off all the remaining hair she had. Not out of shame, but because she found power in the decision. She faced her scars head on. (no pun intended) When she and I went out, she wore that shaved head like a badge.

I was truly amazed at the response to her decision. People with well intentions spoke as if the deed was negative. They accused her of having a mental breakdown. She even lost a friend because the other girl couldn't handle being seen with her. Illness really does show who is and who is not your friend in the end.

4. Turn a Blind Eye

Chingwa hair. Tina Turner at her finest is no rival to Chingwa hair. I am not vain so I could care less what my hair looked like when I am down. I was never so thankful for the visitors that would turn a blind eye at my appearance. Jenny still struggles to eat at times so I return the favor for her. She and I have come up with social cues when we need to make the other aware of a need. Salt shaker placed in front of her means food is on her shirt. Pepper means it is on her face. No one hears us and no attention is drawn to her.

5. No means No

I am admitting one of my big peeves when I am ill is being fed by someone. It is a hard thing for me to accept. However, when I had enough, and I say No. No more, I really mean it. Sometimes the ill just do not want food. Refusing to take medication is a "no" too but ask why. One of my medications causes dry mouth and eyes. I refuse to take it because the side affects are worse than the so called "relief" it should have provided. Remember, there may be a reason for the "NO".

6. No Babying

Unless I am not able to do something, and I have proved it, don't hover over me like a baby. Babying me only causes me anger. One day Jenny got it in her head that she was ready to drive. Everyone told her no. She, on the other hand, knew her capabilities and proved them wrong. I have to admit, I was one of the naysayers and had to applaud her achievement. I also admit, I still worry on days where she is tired. However, if she did not prove them wrong, she would have spent another 6 months at the mercy of others driving her.

7. Push

The Chingwa family members are notoriously stubborn. Jenny and I are the epitome of stubbornness. We are get up and take charge type people. I am certainly glad that she and I understand that about each other. We know if we push each other a little bit every time we are together, we will get stronger. First, we made it to the car, to the restaurant, to the car and home. We push each other to do more each week. We are up to, driving the car, groceries, shopping and home. We went from 2,000+ steps to 5,000 steps. We push each other to gain our strength. By the end of summer, I hope to be back up to my 10,000 steps. I may not be able to get Jenny up to that, but I know she will push me until I do.

8. Help Redefine

Jenny will never return to being a paramedic. She is still confused by her new road. I hope she finds something to grab on to and make it her own. My life, on the other hand, is only on pause. I will be up and running again soon. Jenny, will need to find a new road to find her new Wonder Woman status. transforming into something new has been a difficult process. She has some frustrations with her limitations but she has found ways to overcome them. I can do nothing but support her and I am going to be by her side.

One thing is clear. We must embrace becoming the elders. As we age, we'll become more delicate. We will become slower. We will have to hand our capes down to the young and proudly hold our scepter (canes) proudly. Our Wonder Woman status hasn't left us yet, but when it does. I hope the younger Wonder Women will help us to transition our wisdom, knowledge and experience into a strength for our community.

In conclusion

When a woman get ill, he Wonder Woman status takes a serious hit to them. Wonder Women do not do well being the patient. I can't say all the above statements are true for an ill woman, but the ones I have worked with have carried many of these characteristics. To be honest, they are commonly found complaints of the ill. This is something to consider when your Wonder Woman needs support.