When there is a conflict with your child

It is not uncommon for parents and children to have conflicts, disagreements, and contradictions. What parents need to do is to face it positively and find the most suitable solution, so as not to affect the parent-child relationship, but also to create an opportunity for the child to learn how to cope with the conflict.

We are in a hurry to go out, but the child is playing with his toys; walking on the road, we told the child to walk slowly, but he ran up; we told the child to hurry up to do his homework, but he dawdled, just refused to write; we told the child to eat more vegetables, but he only willing to eat meat ...... these arguments are not very familiar scenes? I'm sure these are what happens in every family from time to time, right?

So, when we as parents have a conflict or disagreement with our children, how should we handle it? Should we take out our parental authority to make our children submit, or should we compromise with our children to avoid arguments with them? Or should we negotiate with our children to show democracy? Parents who use these methods should have found that, although they get different results, in the end, they are ineffective in most cases.

I. Use of authority, resulting in a disturbance

Many parents who practice "stick education" generally have conflicts with their children, rather than communicate with them patiently, prefer to implement "what is the effort with children, directly a slap solution! This simple and brutal way of education is the final result of 2 kinds, one is the child is forced to parental pressure, and submissive implementation. The other is to cause the child's rebellious mentality, parents to carry out more intense confrontation, and the family to be disturbed.

In this state of oppression for a long time, the child will easily become resentful of the parents, and the parent-child relationship will gradually deteriorate. Moreover, it will also make the child used to following the instructions of parents, lack their independent thinking, when they grow up is likely to become dependent on others for everything, without their initiative, it is difficult to have their achievements.

Second, compromise and concession, but no different from spoilage

There are no parents who don't love their children, and many parents even choose to compromise and give in when they know that their children are not doing the right thing when they are crying or begging. For example, if a child has been practicing playing the piano and suddenly one day doesn't want to play, he or she begs to stop playing, even if he or she has been doing it for several years. If you don't ask why, but simply agree to it because your child is temporarily bored, wouldn't the years of effort be wasted?

Such indulgence not only has no benefit but allows the child to find a way to threaten the parents by throwing tantrums and other ways to control them to achieve their own goals. Moreover, compromise and concessions will make the child become self-centered and more and more capricious, and will not even respect and consider the feelings of others.

Third, negotiate terms and conditions, and finally evolve into business negotiations

To make their children obedient and listen to their parents, many parents like to negotiate with their children, and are used to using the "negotiation" education method, so that their children understand the concept of "equivalence".

However, this way, as children grow older, the conditions that they can compromise on become higher and higher, instead of talking to children about conditions, it is better to keep the bottom line. And it can blur the child's sense of right and wrong, not putting the focus on the mistakes he made.

Fourth, no bullying, no compromise, and no negotiation of conditions, so how should I respond?

Respect and trust between people are mutual. When parents give their children enough respect, children will naturally understand and respect their parents from the bottom of their hearts. Children tend to be more effective in making decisions that they are involved in.

Moreover, as children grow up, they will continue to shape their personalities and have their ideas as well as preferences. One of the first things parents need to accept is that children can no longer be as obedient to us as they were when they were very young.

When there is a conflict or disagreement with your child, parents may wish to use the following four methods

1, cold treatment

When parents and children are in conflict, disagreement, and positive rebuke will only escalate the conflict between the two sides, and the child will be more excited, emotional, etc. Therefore, at this time parents should take a cold approach, each other first calming down, mutual reflection on their views, and whether the practice is appropriate.

2, wait and see what happens

The process of cold treatment does not completely ignore the child. Parents can observe their children's emotional changes, as well as a comprehensive analysis based on their own children's daily character, temperament, etc., to find out the reasons for this conflict, or disagreement occurred.

If it is triggered by the parents' mistake, do not apologize immediately, you can wait for the child to calm down, and then communicate rationally and show the child his or her mistake. This process not only tests the child's mental capacity but also gives the child a sense of respect for elders and children.

3, tolerate and accept the child's ideas, views

Many times, even if the child has recognized their own mistakes, but also because of face, self-esteem, and other reasons embarrassed to say it. Parents see the child's situation and may wish to take the initiative to find topics to talk about with children so that children see their parent's tolerance and understanding of their own, parents can be more trustworthy, but also more willing to open up.

Of course, in the process of communicating with your child, you should also correct your child's mistakes promptly, so that your child can correct them promptly. In a tolerant and understanding family atmosphere, children can grow up more healthy.

4, frank communication

Honesty is the prerequisite for gaining your child's trust and willingness to open up. In the process of correcting each other's mistakes, so that each other can trust each other more. Parents should also set an example for their children by being honest and open-minded.

As children grow up, they have their ideas and opinions and begin to question the views taught by their parents. Therefore, it is very normal for conflicts to arise and increase. However, if not handled properly, it may affect the relationship.

Parents should treat their differences with their children with tolerance and respect, and at the same time, enhance communication and increase mutual understanding. This will better bring each other closer and will also have a positive effect on the education of their children.

Of course, when parents communicate and exchange with their children, they should also positively refute the mistakes of their children, so that they know which mistakes are firmly not to make, and clearly understand the bottom line of morality and law.