When "Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus" Fails: A New Perspective on Gender Differences

Summary:

If there is one thing for certain in life, there will always be people we meet who repulse us. Why? Because they are not our attractive character type!

No doubt, we all can admit that the famous analogy "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" is a fantastic tool for improving communication in relationships. It's a bestseller, having surpassed almost all other relationship communication books ever written.

However, what if this oversimplified, he-said-she-said, one-size-fits-all communication approach isn't helpful for your relationships? Nowadays, this way of thinking provides only a narrow perspective when it comes to communicating in relationships.

Communication in our modern world

Today's communication is a whole different ball game compared to our parents and grandparents. Gone are the days where dad brought home the bacon while mom stayed home to cook, clean, and take care of the kids. It's a whole new world now, and it's getting even more complicated.

For starters, there's a growing number of women who are kicking butt in the workforce and chasing their dreams. They're like Martians, taking charge and making things happen.

On top of that, more and more couples are waiting until they're older to tie the knot. They're like mature singles, enjoying the single life for longer before settling down.

And let's not forget about the rise in same-sex relationships. You've got Mars with Mars and Venusians with Venusians. Love is love, no matter who you're attracted to.

All these changes are making communication more complex than ever before. It's a whole new world out there, and we've got to adapt to keep up.

A new perspective

The brand-new universal model, "Vampires, Victims and Sex maniacs," separates character types without discriminating based on gender. There are three primary character types, and each type either draws people in or pushes them away. These three types are Sex maniacs, Victims, and Vampires.

Sex maniacs are extremely reactive individuals whose main focus is survival. If they perceive a threat, they will become very aggressive and take any measures necessary to survive. In a relationship, a sex maniac will feel no remorse about having sex with other partners. A swinger couple is a prime example of sex maniacs because they don't experience feelings of jealousy or possessiveness. They live in the moment and, as long as their needs are met, they feel no urge to control others.

People who feel victimized view the world as a hostile and unforgiving place where others are always trying to control and harm them. They perceive life as being unfair, and sometimes even hopeless. These individuals frequently experience physical and emotional suffering, grappling with various health issues and allergies, and in some cases, even life-threatening diseases.

Victims are prone to looking to others for guidance and direction because they need someone to blame if things go wrong. They have a tendency to attract circumstances, people, and events into their lives that reinforce their insecurities and perpetuate their sense of victimhood. In romantic relationships, they often end up with partners who cheat on them, adding to their feeling of being wronged.

To break free from the victim mentality, individuals need to take responsibility for their lives and choices. Instead of seeking out someone to blame when things don't go as planned, they need to focus on their own actions and choices. By doing so, they can begin to attract positive experiences and people into their lives, which can help them break the cycle of victimization.

Vampires, they're the controlling type, always wanting to dominate others. They believe deep down or maybe even on the surface that they need to have a handle on everyone and everything. It's this craving for power that makes them so manipulative. When it comes to relationships, vampires tend to be the ones making all the decisions, calling all the shots. They're crafty though, and they know how to cover their tracks, using fancy talk to make it seem like their actions are justified. You might feel confused or frustrated, but their silver-tongued excuses are so convincing that you end up doing things you never intended to do. It's like they're always breathing down your neck, and you're too intimidated to stand up for yourself.

Forces beyond love

So basically, it's like attraction and repulsion are at play, just like how metal is drawn to magnets or how two magnets will push each other away. Imagine you're a big vampire, strolling around the domain of life. All those metal objects around you? They're like your victims and sex maniacs, drawn to you like a magnet. But let's flip the script. If you're a solid piece of metal, living your life your way, you might end up attracting a magnetic force (aka a vampire). And if someone's acting like a vampire, controlling and manipulating others, you could say they're a living magnet. In this scenario, the easiest response for those being controlled is to act like a victim or sex maniac, basically giving up their energy and becoming like metal.

If two vampires were to collide, they would create friction just like two magnets repelling each other. Eventually, one of them would give up their energy, and either become a victim or a sex maniac. It's like a battle of wills, and the stronger one prevails while the weaker one gives in to their desires. In such a situation, it's all about power and dominance, and there can only be one winner. So, it's best to avoid such clashes and stay out of trouble.

Have you ever played with magnets? If you have, you'd know that when you bring two magnets close, the like poles push away from each other like they're being forced apart by an invisible hand. But if you let go of one of the magnets, it spins around and sticks to the other one. This is because magnets have two sides, positive and negative, and opposites attract. So, when the positive side of one magnet meets the negative side of the other, they click together like two puzzle pieces. It's pretty cool, huh?

The cause of conflict

In the realm of human interactions, there's an intangible force that can either empower you or drain you. Let me paint you a picture to illustrate this phenomenon in relationships.

At the beginning of a romantic relationship, both parties tend to shower each other with affection, love, and intimacy. They also share their deepest fears, secrets, and everyday happenings. However, in some cases, this flow of giving and sharing dwindles or comes to a halt over time. The focus then shifts from the partner to oneself, which can be a real downer.

After the giving and sharing slows down in a relationship, a power struggle may ensue, where each partner fights for control over the energy exchange. Eventually, one partner may concede their energy and become a victim, while the other remains in control as the leader or decision-maker. This can lead to the relationship functioning smoothly. However, if both partners insist on being decision-makers without reaching a consensus, the battle may escalate and the relationship may turn unpleasant and lose its fun factor.

Life is all about give and take, with one person taking the lead and the other following. In good relationships, there's always a leader and a follower. It's like the yin and yang - the perfect balance. The energy flows smoothly and there's no conflict. Love is in the air and everyone is content. Some people prefer to be the leader, while others are happy to be the follower. As long as both parties are happy, that's all that matters.

Until such time as the follower becomes tired, fed up or even bored with being the follower; being the one who has to sacrifice constantly. What happens then? The conflict of energy exchange begins and this is often when relationships go bad. Fights happen more frequently and love stops flowing, thus the energy exchange changes. Often the energy drops from love down into anger, hate or regret, and many couples go their separate ways at this point in a relationship

The many faces of love

Paul claims that all three types need love, just in different ways.

A sex maniac needs to feel sexual pleasure to feel loved.

A victim needs to feel worthy to feel loved.

A vampire needs to feel important to feel loved.

And with love comes understanding!