What makes a good marriage?

Accept your partner for who they really are after they've been disillusioned.

There is a saying in psychology: "In the subconscious of everyone, there is a guide to find the ideal partner."

I believe, before marriage, we are with a beautiful fantasy of marriage, looking forward to the future with each other happy life, the thought of the love of the one he finally got married, can not help laughing out loud. At that time, we are immersed in the happiness of the "fantasy", we look at each other through the filter of love, will automatically filter out each other's shortcomings.

We think it's cute that each other is lying on the couch, holding snacks and waiting for us to get home.

Will feel that the other party can not find clothes, and always need to arrange for him, is a kind of people like the "silly";

Will feel each other long round belly is the affirmation of their cooking skills;

Will feel that even if wear loose, casual, will also feel this is another charm;

In short, because we see each other through the pink filter, no matter what he does, in our eyes is beautiful. Any flaw in the other person is a lovely trait in our eyes, and we not only embrace it, but also unconsciously change ourselves to take care of the other person and enjoy it.

However, as Qian Zhongshu once wrote, "No matter who you marry, after marriage, you will always find that you marry someone else instead of the original one."

Anyone who's ever been in a marriage knows this.

Especially as time goes by, we will find that we begin to see clearly the "true face" of each other. Many people will sigh: why have they changed after marriage?

A netizen joked that before his marriage, his wife would dress up fresh and lovely for every date. His clothes were neat and tidy, his hair was always clean and fluffy whenever he met, and he always smelled faintly. If it's not there, you have to be close enough to smell it.

He had always found his wife very caring, a clean, tidy person. However, after marriage, he found that his wife could not wash her hair for a week, and the clothes at home were in a mess. Every time she went out, she always had to pick the clothes she wanted from the pile.

When I'm not at work, I sleep until noon, can't cook, and don't like to clean the house. I eat takeout when I'm hungry. I have a lot of problems. You can lie on the couch all day with your head like a chicken coop, and you don't even change your position.

He thinks he's been cheated, why getting married is like being a different person.

Has the other person really changed? Not really.

Maybe just now she is the real appearance, but in love, always unconsciously want to show their good side. Until marriage, will find that the original beautiful generous she, will also have a messy side. What are we supposed to do when we see the real person in our marriage?

Is it blaming, complaining? Or understanding, acceptance? Different choices determine the different direction of marriage. Couples who are happy in life, they usually choose the latter.

In my best friend's marriage, I found that a good marriage is to accept the "dark side" in each other.

Boudoir honey Xiaolin follows the marriage of the husband, let everybody envy very much all the time. Even when they were together, they were able to relax. It's a state of trusting each other enough to let your true self out.

Xiao Lin likes to be lazy, doing things by hand, there is no plan, whatever he wants to do. These places are sometimes not acceptable to us as girlfriends, always joking: I don't know how your husband put up with you? Are you hiding everything from him?

Kobayashi said that when she first got married, she wanted to hide, but it was almost impossible for a couple to really hide their shortcomings when they were together all day. These shortcomings and dark side are all part of her. Although she is constantly correcting and trying to do better, she still has little effect.

She also wondered if her husband would be able to accept her faults, or the real thing. But after they quarreled, the husband told her honestly, "Although you have many faults, I still love you and accept you as you are. This made Xiao Lin feel healed.

After being understood and accepted, Xiao Lin said that she has no edges and corners, and she is no longer obsessed with finding fault with her husband's behavior. She knew that she was not perfect, that her husband was human, and that there was a side to them that no one else knew about. It is because of being partners day in and day out that we have the opportunity to know each other so deeply.

Kobayashi says they've just managed to embrace each other's "dark sides," allowing themselves to make mistakes and be imperfect. She was sure that her husband would not despise her if she made another fool of herself. For better or worse, we like each other.

Usually rough-and-ready bestie, can't think of such a deep feeling of marriage. I can't help thinking, why we become Bestie, is not also because we know each other unknown side? Whether it's narrow-minded, gossipy, bad-tempered

We all accept each other completely. We can say whatever we want in front of each other without having to worry about what we're saying. Because we can accept each other's good and bad, get along with very relaxed, so we just become a bestie to talk about everything.

If we know our partner will accept us for who we are, the good and the bad, we won't have to hide our feelings. And truly being accepted frees us up to integrate ourselves.

Yes, no matter what kind of relationship, if we can be considerate and accept, we will get along very comfortably.

What does a good marriage look like?

01. Accept each other's good and bad

Ms. Yang once wrote in her book: When she was recovering in the hospital after giving birth, Qian Zhongshu cried to her about breaking the lamp, breaking the door shaft, spilling the ink, and staining the table cloth. She said it didn't matter, I would fix it, it didn't matter, I would wash it.

It was Yang Jiang's acceptance and understanding of Qian Zhongshu that enabled him to create his work at ease, which led to the creation of Besieged City.

Many couples lack the ability to tolerate each other's inadequacies and are willing to accept only the good in each other. For example, they like each other's tall and handsome, high income, but they are not willing to accept the other's inability to do housework and lack of care. Do not accept each other, in fact, is not to accept our own shortcomings. We are critical of ourselves, so we are critical of others.

02. A good marriage is accepting each other for who they are and getting better together

We all like good things, good qualities, but what about the bad side of us? We need a partner who can see our shadows, acknowledge that we are both good and bad people, and love our unlovable sides.

See each other for who they really are, and feel the power to be better because you feel loved.

It is because we can become better together that we can gradually reduce the criticism of ourselves, and also reduce the complaints and accusations of our partners, which can make both of us more relaxed.

Love also makes two people better together!

Do the above two points, is probably a good marriage should be like.

Marriage is the practice of two people, so a good marriage must accept each other, nourish both parties, and become better together.

As Chen Daoming said:

"A good marriage is one in which two imperfect people accept each other, understand each other, and nourish each other."

In this world, there is no born is a perfect fit of husband and wife, only willing to tolerate, willing to run in the partner.