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What is a father?

There are many types of fathers

By Lawrence Edward HincheePublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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What is a dad and what is he supposed to do? That's a good question as my father was never around. My mother would prevent us from seeing our father at every opportunity.

But what is a father supposed to do? When I grew up the father would go to work to provide for the family. The father was the protector of the family.

Anyone can be the sperm donor but there is more to being a father than providing for the family and protecting the family. A father is someone who loves his children. He nurtures his children and disciplines them when necessary. But who is a child to look up too when the father is absent from the family and they are being raised by a single mother? There are always, the grand fathers and uncles. But they aren't the same.

Yes, I had my other relatives but I longed for a father, someone who would be in the home full time to help me into my awkward teen age years. My uncle tried to fill the void of us not having a father, but he was only around part-time, just like my father. But a father is not his children's friend. You can't be your children's friend and parent at the same time.

A father is involved in their children's lives. Should they be knowledgeable in a sport, then they should volunteer to coach their children's team. They should make time for their children. I've had many parents who said to me no I don't have time to volunteer. Some fathers will say "I'm a CPA, I don't have time." When I worked with the Boy Scouts and other organizations, I've had lawyers, doctors and pilots work as volunteers with me. I believe that fathers should volunteer to coach or be in scouts with their son, it builds a bond with their son.

I had a preacher that believed once you raised your voice to yell at your children, you no longer had the right to talk to your children. I don't know about all of that. A father should never abuse his children, like mine did.

A father listens to his children's problems no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to him, they might be a big deal to their children. In her song, Giorgia Borg on Britain's Got Talent sang a song she wrote that deals directly with parents not listening to their children. She states in her song that she at the age of ten, still needs her parents to see her, hear her and not to look through her. Simon Cowell one of the judges said and I quote, " I have a five year old son and I get it." He then says, " I listen to my son and I learn more from him than any one else." This song hits home because a lot of parents do look right through their children. My son is an excellent example of that. He doesn't listen to his children. As their grandfather my grand children have bonded with me as the male figure in their lives.

When your children complain of being bullied at school, the schools will not deal with the bully. In one case a twelve year old boy committed suicide because a bully was suspended, When the bully came back, he made the boys life a living hell until that precious boy killed himself. As a father, you are your child's advocate in school issues. If your child needs special education, you make a way for it to happen. If need be, hire a lawyer to help push the school to do right by your child.

In the above video this little boy was berated by his fifth grade teacher for being proud of his two dads. Yes it is a same sex marriage. I have no problems with that as long as the child is loved and provided for as seems to be the case here.

As a foster parent or dad you need to provide love to the child, hope and encouragement. No families don't have to match. In this case, Anthony had been abandoned by his adoptive parents at a hospital at age eleven. Anthony wanted to call Peter his dad immediately. This is a great story and these two seem to get along very well. Anthony gets along well with the foster kids that Peter takes in. Peter is the epitome of what a father should be. He is loving, caring, nurturing and patient with all of his children, even Anthony.

The story of Peter and Anthony is one of my favorite stories. This story goes back to my original video of He didn't have to be. There is another story out of Richmond, Virginia where a former foster child, who is black adopted three white kids. All three of the boys were brothers and after being in his care for over a year they asked him to adopt them. It takes a real man to take in another mans children and raise them as their own

Even though I am gay, I have three children, one was adopted. I was my children's scout leader, sports coach, and score keeper for my sons baseball team and referee for their games when they were short of linesman. My wife was a nurse and she never went to staffing meetings for my bi-polar son or my hyper active daughter. It was always me who attended. I paid the price in which it cost me my accounting career.

I could always find another job, which was obvious as I spent thirty years in the airline industry. In my family some one had to stand up for my kids with the school, especially for special education. I had to fork out money the family didn't really have for a special education attorney. Being a father is doing what needs to be done and worry about the money later.

A father is also responsible for their children's emotional well being. There were times in which I would get so frustrated with my son when it was time to do his home work. It was like pulling teeth to get his cooperation. It took a lot patience to sit at the kitchen table for four hours to get one hours worth of home work done.

In Conclusion what makes a good father.

1): Be your child’s “First Teacher” It is the fathers responsibility to train your children in the way they should go. Not the schools, nor the government but the fathers.

2): Dads need to exemplify a good life dad's live a life like an open letter to their children, that their children reads every day.

3): Provide for your family when I was in college and my wife was the main bread winner, I took jobs at McDonalds, Dominos Pizza. Any where to where I could help support my family. Was I the main bread winner? No I wasn't but I helped in providing for my children.

4): Good dads discipline their children a person who loves their children will discipline their children.

5): Dads spend time with their children, and it’s not empty time dads must engage their children in the kind of deep, heart-to-heart conversations that impart more than facts, but teach wisdom. Schedule some regular “conversational walks” with your children, one on one. Family time that counts.

6): Compassion is a “dad” characteristic, a father has compassion for his children.

7): Don’t provoke your children, my preacher always said "never provoke your children to wrath."

8): Dads never give up on their kids. The story of “The Prodigal Son” is the story of a father who never gives up hope and is ready to receive his child back with open arms. We can discipline, we can hold accountable, but we must never give up.

I hope you have enjoyed my article about what is a father. I never had a father to guide or direct me. I walked aimlessly around like my life had no meaning. I was abused, physically, mentally and sexually. This song really hit me hard as a child.

In this song the dad was always too busy to spend time with his son. The boy kept saying "I'm going to be like him." When the father retired and wanted to see his son, he didn't have time for his father.

My father and I made amends after my grandmother, his mother died. She died in 2008. We forgave each other, and started to build a relationship. My dad came out to go too baseball games with me, mainly when the Atlanta Braves were in town. We enjoyed each other's company. My dad even cooked the evening meal when I was at work.

In 2015, his first great grandson was born and I told him about it. My dad was in the hospital. Our last words to each other were, "I love you." Three weeks later my father passed away. I am thankful, I had what little bit of time we had together. I will always remember his last I love you.

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About the Creator

Lawrence Edward Hinchee

I am a new author. I wrote my memoir Silent Cries and it is available on Amazon.com. I am new to writing and most of my writing has been for academia. I possess an MBA from Regis University in Denver, CO. I reside in Roanoke, VA.

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Comments (1)

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  • Dharrsheena Raja Segarran2 years ago

    I'm so sorry for all the abuse you had to go through

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