Dearest Eve

There are many things I kept from you as a boy. You knew about your boyfriends abusing me, you practically signed off on that, when you introduced me as queer boy to them.

Angela and I kept some secrets from you and you would have been pissed had you known. Some of my spending the night with friends in my class were actually adult men that I had sex with. Another thing I didn't tell you is the men recorded us having sex, so yes I performed in "child pornography videos." But you were too busy going to college and leaving me in the care of those monsters you called boyfriends. Remember all of my bruises that you couldn't have cared less about.

You know about the one time because you were home when the police brought me home in just my tennis shoes and my socks, covered in a blanket.

I didn't tell you it happened about four or five more times and Angela covered for me each time. That is why she would use it against me to get her way with things. She would threaten to tell you and would get her way. I would comply just so I wouldn't be embarrassed. I would have done anything to keep that stuff a secret. I also knew you didn't care any way because you never protected me.

I tried to do things that I thought would make you proud of me, but all I heard from your mouth was ridicule, scorn, and hatred. I was called stupid, pathetic, ignorant, and you wished I was never born. I was pressured into marriage. I had two beautiful children. One boy and one girl. But your remark of "I don't have a grand daughter just a grand son." I informed you , that you didn't have a grand son either. You called and asked why you never saw your grand children, now you know why.

I had my oldest grand daughter in my hands and you wanted to hold her. I placed her in your arms and she was squirming, fighting, and clawing to get away from you at at the age of eighteen months. What did that tell you?

I gave up trying to love you at age of seven. Remember my nightmare while on vacation? Do you remember who comforted me? It was my thirteen year old cousin who held me close to her.

This is supposed to be your day, mothers day. Do you expect to see any of your children for that day? I don't think you will see any of us. You won't even see your grand children or great grand children. Sure is a lonely way to spend mothers day. Was it worth the way you treated all of your children.

I was told once that there is going to come a day in which there is a funeral and I am going to have to make a decision about my attendance. Just like you didn't attend your own mothers funeral, or fathers.

I haven't talked to you in many years. I walked out of your house on my eighteenth birthday and never looked back. You told many lies to the Red Cross to get in touch with my company commander because I hadn't written you for six months. Funny thing was, I hadn't been gone six months.

When I was growing up you became very jealous of my relationship with your brother and how close we were , because he was fourteen when I was born. You were jealous of my relationship with your sister because she was nine when I was born. I was closer to them than you.

I am going to close this letter to you by telling you again, I wish I could be there but I am out of town. Good luck in your future endeavors because I don't know what will happen you.