What does the child feel and think when the parent's divorce?
Divorce inevitably happens in every person's life. Already at birth, the newborn separates from a "paradise" called the mother's womb. As time goes on, the baby also divorces from its mother's breast. He then starts attending kindergarten. Sometimes, when moving to another place of residence, you have to leave your parents and friends.
Each divorce process has two sides to the coin. Although it causes pain and leaves scars, there is a free space for something new, good. It promotes the development of autonomy and is a necessary condition in the development process. If we have read a book in the library of life, then we need to set it aside to make room for a new book.
The following stages can be distinguished in the process of divorce:
- Latent divorce (loss of intimacy, conflicts, ambivalence, doubts).
- Decision- making stage (divorce or living alone for some time).
- Acute grief and protest reaction.
- Loss awareness and depression.
- Adoption and adaptation stage.
- Integration of loss into personal experience and return to "life".
If the spouses manage to survive all these stages, then their future life will not be fixed in trauma.
What does the child feel and think when the parent's divorce?
Divorce causes a lot of fear in a child:
- fear of being abandoned;
- fear of never seeing mom or dad;
- fear that he will no longer be loved;
- fear of change (how will we live now?);
- fear of becoming bad (leave me because I don't love, so I'm bad, at fault);
- fear of losing myself (if there is no father who was a part of me, then now I do not know who I am - if there is no family, who am I now?);
- fear of parents (that something bad could happen to them);
- fear of further betrayal;
- fear of parental aggression and depression
Example. After the divorce and the father's departure from the family, the relationship between the mother and her fourteen-year-old daughter deteriorates sharply. At some point, the girl leaves the house and hides from her mother for a week. In family psychotherapy, the girl admits that the most difficult thing for her was to see her mother every night crying in despair, lying in bed for days, looking at the ceiling, or "tied up" and organizing scandals: "I couldn't look at her sad face!" Leaving home for a girl was like running away from depression.
In case of divorce, the child may experience:
- masochistic personality traits - he becomes a victim, tries to take care of each other more than himself, sacrifices himself for recognition, which reduces guilt and self-confidence;
- paranoid personality traits - constantly blaming others, there is a feeling that no one loves him, everyone uses, cheats, and betrays (he will need to create a conflict in order to show that others are bad);
- avoidant personality traits - will be afraid of the close relationship
Mom and Dad love you!
Psychotherapists and psychologists recommend that in case of divorce, parents should definitely tell the child that they will always be loved. However, this recommendation should not be used in any situation. The specific case must be taken into account. The child must say what is true so that the child does not cause abnormal fantasies and internal conflict.
For example, a woman divorces her husband because he is physically abusive and her son has seen it. Needless to say, Dad is good, he loves you and his parents just argued. Then it will help the son identify with the aggressor and blame the whole mother. It is better, to tell the truth: “I loved my father, I had a hard time deciding with him, but a man must not beat his wife and children. It is forbidden. "
Or the husband goes to another woman and forgets about the baby. Once every six months, the father appears with symbolic gifts and, looking into the child's eyes, says softly, "I love you very much." But what will the child think? The question will arise - if Dad loves me so much, then why not come, call and take care of me? To somehow alleviate these contradictions, the child finds an explanation that the mother is to blame and that she did something such that her father left her.
However, the child must be convinced not only that his father and mother will still love him after the divorce, but also that he himself has the right to love both parents.
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By Bimal kanta moharana3 years ago in Families
She SLEPT With Every Man in the Village Before Getting MARRIED
in a village where the sky met the Earth and where Traditions were as old as the whispering trees there lived a woman named Amina Amina was enchanting her eyes were dark pools of wisdom and her laughter had the power to make the sternest Elder smile yet despite her beauty and charm she remained unmarried tired of her Solitude and desperate to find a husband Amina consulted the Oracle a wizened old woman named Nia who could commune with the ancestors in a hut that smelled of herbs and ancient Scrolls Nia spoke child your destiny is unlike any other the man who fathers your child will become the ruler of this Village and his reign will bring unparalleled Prosperity intrigued and emboldened Amina devised a radical plan she would sleep with every eligible man in the village this way she reasoned she would not only find her destined husband but also secure the best future ruler for her people as weeks turned into months The Village began to buzz with rumors Amina's unconventional search for a husband became the talk at every gathering around every fire finally Amina found herself with child she was radiant her belly round and full a Living testament to the prophecy as her due date approached tension thickened in the air each family with an eligible son began to claim the unborn child as their own laying their stake to the Future Chieftain ship in the middle of this MELSTORM Amina gave birth to a healthy baby boy The Village rejoiced but the joy was shortlived for the next problem was immediate and pressing who was the father of this child born to rule Elders convened wives gossiped Warriors sharpened their Spears everyone had a theory and and every man wanted a test the village was on the brink of a Civil War and only the true identification of the child's father could bring peace yet Amina remained serenely confident she knew that the prophecy would not fail her nor would it fail her people and so with her newborn son cradled In Her Arms she awaited the Revelation that would change the fate of her Village forever a week had passed since the birth of amina's son whom she named Tariq meaning he who knocks at the door it seemed as though tar was indeed knocking at the door of a new era for the village one fraught with uncertainty and anticipation the Council of Elders the esteemed body responsible for making major decisions in the village convened under the oldest bobab tree its gnarled branches seem to Sag with the weight of the momentous decision ahead our ancestors have always shown us the way in times of both Harmony and Discord said o the eldest among them his voice trembling like the last leaves of Autumn we must seek their wisdom to resolve this crisis just then Nia the Oracle stepped into the circle her eyes glowing with a fire that seemed almost Supernatural I have spoken with the ancestors NAA began her voice a mesmerizing Melody that silenced even the cicadas they proposed a test one that will reveal not just the father of young Tark but also the future leader of our people murmurs spread through the council even among the elders who had seen many harvests and many seasons this was unprecedented the test continued Nia will require each potential father to undertake a journey to the sacred Mountain at its peak lies a stone not just any stone a moonstone imbued with the wisdom of our ancestors the man who returns with this Stone will be deemed the true father and the destined ruler of our village a collective gas filled the air the sacred Mountain was a place of many perals wild beasts treacherous terrain and above all spiritual trials that could break even the strongest will yet the Council of Elders knew there was no other way after a moment of ponderous silence oi spoke then it is decided each claimant will set forth at dawn 3 days hence May the ancestors guide us as the council dispersed a kaleidoscope of emotions filled the Village Square excitement fear hope all woven together in a tapestry as intricate as life itself Amina holding tar close to her chest felt a calm Assurance wash over her the ancestors had set the stage and now it was up to the men to prove their metal but even she couldn't foresee the twists and turns that lay ahead for the journey to the sacred Mountain was one that would bring surprising Revelations ones that would change the village and its people in ways they had never imagined as Dawn broke 3 Days Later a sense of expectant hush enveloped The Village the air was thick with the smell of burning sage as incense billowed from the homes seeking the blessings of the ancestors for the journey ahead six men stood at the Village Square each representing a different family claiming tar as their kin their faces were a canvas of emotions eagerness fear and a simmering excitement that seemed almost palpable Amina cradling tar in her arms watched them quietly her eyes met each of theirs a wordless message that seemed to say May the best man win with a blow of a horn and the beat of drums the journey began each man carried a satchel filled with offerings Cola nuts Palm wine and sacred amulets to honor the spirits of the Sacred Mountain the path was Laden with challenges both physical and mystical rivers that twisted like serpents forests that whispered secrets and caves that echoed with the laughter and cries of Forgotten Souls however the real test lay at the foot of the Sacred Mountain a stone altar stood there inscribed with ancient runes that told Tales of Heroes and gods love and betrayal beside the altar was a pool of water so clear it mirrored their deepest fears and desires as the men reached the altar a voice echoed around them a voice so e theal it seemed to belong to the mountain itself offer what you value most and you may proceed The Voice resonated filling the air with an unspoken gravity one by one the men approached the altar some offered gold others heirlooms passed down through generations but nothing happened the way to the peak remained sealed as if mocking their futile attempts finally it was jeno's turn jeno was not the wealthiest or the strongest among them but he was known for his wisdom and humility instead of placing an object on the altar he knelt and offered a prayer a pray prayer for the village for Amina and for The Unborn Generations who would inherit the earth as he finished the altar glowed a soft radiant light and the path to the peak opened up as if summoned by his sincerity all W and humbled The Men followed Jango as he led the way the weight of their Journey seemed a little lighter the resolve a little stronger Bound by the Newfound understanding that true leadership required more than just wealth or strength it required the wisdom of the heart the ascent up the sacred Mountain was unlike any other Climb Every Step seemed to be a dance between the Earthly and the Divine where physical exertion met spiritual enlightenment the men felt their breaths grow shorter but their senses heightened every Rock every gust of wind appeared imbued with ancestral wisdom finally they reached the peak where the night sky seemed to be within Arm's Reach twinkling stars bearing witness to this pivotal Moment In The Village's history there it was the Moonstone glowing softly in the Moonlight almost as if pulsating with the heartbeat of the mountain itself jeno approached the stone first his hands trembling as he touched its cool surface the Moonstone lit up its glow intensifying into a radiant beam that shot up towards the sky returning as a Cascade of light that enveloped him son of Kofi a Celestial voice echoed you have proven your worth this child T is yours and you are destined to lead your people overwhelmed by emotion Jango fell to his knees The Men Who accompanied him were silent humbled and AED by the Revelation their prior envy and rivalry dissipating like Morning Mist as they descended the mountain The Village came into sight bathed in the soft glow of dawn the men felt different transformed not just by the Revelation but also by the journey itself it was as if they had sheded layers of ignorance and egoo revealing new skins of wisdom and humility when they arrived the entire V had gathered the tension in the air palpable a Sea of Faces anxious and expectant jeno stepped forward holding the Moonstone high for all to see the ancestors have spoken he declared I am the father of Tariq and it is my destiny to lead this Village a collective gasp followed then a roar of cheers and ululations the elders noded Ed in approval their faith in ancestral wisdom reaffirmed Amina with Tariq In Her Arms walked over to jeno their eyes met and in that moment all the complexities and hardships seemed to melt away leaving behind a pure unspoken understanding as jeno took his son in his arms For the First Time The Village erupted in joyous celebration but Amina knew that this was just the beginning they had averted a crisis and perhaps even started a new chapter in their history but the real work lay ahead in raising a child destined for greatness and leading a village towards Prosperity yet with the Moonstone as their Guiding Light and ancestral wisdom in their hearts they were ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead together several moons had passed since the day Jango was declared the father of Tariq and the future leader of the village a sense of peace and prosperity seemed to have settled over the community a testament to the prophecy foretold or so it seemed one faithful evening as Amina was nursing tarq under the shadow of their family Hut she overheard a hushed conversation from behind the thick bobab tree that stood Sentinel like near her home you've done well Jango The Village expects nothing and the prophecy appears fulfilled the raspy voice of Nia the Oracle was unmistakable my conscience is troubled Nia we have deceived the people who trust us and I am raising a son who is not truly mine jango's voice quivered with regret ah but you will be a wise and kind ruler isn't that what's best for the village a benevolent deception I call it Nia responded her tone chillingly casual ual amina's heart sank betrayal like a stealthy serpent had entered her garden of trust as she looked at Tariq innocent and oblivious a new resolve formed in her mind the villagers might have been deceived but they deserved the truth especially when a future leader was in question and her son Tariq deserved to know his true Heritage but how would she expose this conspiracy without plunging the V into chaos once again Amina knew she had to tread carefully the Moonstone the very symbol of jeno's supposed legitimacy suddenly seemed to her like the lock to a secret a secret that only the true father could unlock as the village slept unaware of the storm that was quietly Brewing Amina began to formulate a plan a test so definitive it would reveal the TR true father without doubt or dispute but first she had to ensure the Moonstone authenticity for if the Moonstone was part of the deception its mystical power could still point to the real father providing it was subjected to a ritual known only to the most enlightened sages and so under the veil of night Amina set forth to consult the only person outside the village who could help her the hermit Sage of the ebony Forest amina's Journey Through the ebony forest was fraught with risks hidden pitfalls nocturnal predators and the ever menacing Darkness but a mother's determination knows no bounds especially when the future of her child is at stake deep within the forest where ancient trees seemed to touch the heavens Amina finally reached the secluded dwelling of the hermit Sage with a a long flowing beard and eyes that held the wisdom of Ages the sage welcomed her I have been expecting you Amina the sage began the forest Whispers tales and your plight has not gone unnoticed Gathering her composure Amina told the sage everything the birth of Tariq the journey to the sacred mountain and the overheard conspiracy between jeno and Nia I seek the truth wise one she concluded can the Moonstone still reveal tark's true father the hmed sage stroked his beard thoughtfully before speaking the moonstone is an ancient relic of Truth its power can be manipulated but it cannot be entirely corrupted there exists a ritual lost to time but known to me that can cleanse the stone of any deceptions hope kindled in amina's eyes as she listened intently to the sage you must perform the ritual of Truth on the night of the new moon the Moonstone bathed in the sacred Waters of the whispering Lake and subjected to this ritual will shine only in the hands of the true father armed with Newfound hope and the elaborate instructions from The Hermit Sage Amina thanked him and journeyed back to the Village her heart pounding with a mixture of Hope fear and anticipation she arrived Just Before Dawn slipping back into her home unnoticed in her eyes was a glimmer of resolve for she knew what had to be done next retrieve the Moonstone from its guarded sanctuary and prepare it for the ritual of Truth the stakes were Sky High if she succeeded the entire Village would finally know the truth but if she failed she risked not just her own reputation but the very peace and Harmony that currently blanketed her community as she laid tari back into his crib she looked at her son his small face Serene in sleep completely unaware of the turmoil surrounding his young life the new moon was just three nights away and Amina knew that the future of her family and her Village would be irrevocably altered by what the Moonstone would reveal or what it would fail to as the new moon approach approached Amina felt time compressed each second loaded with impending Revelation or disastrous consequence she had managed to discreetly acquire the Moonstone from its Sanctuary with the help of a sympathetic God who believed in her Quest For Truth Now it lay hidden beneath the floorboards of her Hut pulsing as if aware of its imminent role finally the night of the new moon arrived with tar safely asleep and Jango away at a council meeting a Mina seized her opportunity she Unearthed the Moonstone and set off towards Whispering Lake a secluded body of water said to possess cleansing energies cloaked in darkness her heart pounding in syn with her steps Amina reached the lake and began the ritual of Truth she submerged the Moonstone into the water reciting the ancient incantations The Hermit Sage had imparted to her as the last syllable left her lips the the Moonstone glowed a soft white light Illuminating the dark waters for a moment Amina felt a ripple of energy caused through her as if the spirits of the lake whispered their approval with the Moonstone now cleansed and activated she returned to the Village her every step shadowed by both anticipation and Dread tonight the village would gather for the Feast of ancestors a night of Celebration but for Amina a night that would bear witness to either her ultimate Vindication or her deepest disgrace at the feast as the villagers danced and sang Amina revealed the Moonstone claiming it had been further empowered by the spirits for a special blessing the crowd high on communal fervor and Intrigue was eager to witness the spectacle as per the ancient writs Let each potential father hold the stone Amina announced her voice unwavering the true father of Tariq will activate its light one by one the men came up each gripping the Moonstone tightly but the stone remained inert its light dim as if withholding its power finally it was jango's turn the crowd held its Collective breath Jango held the stone and it flickered but did not fully illuminate murmur swept through the crowd turning into exclamations of surprise and confusion before anyone could speak a voice erupted from the back wait the stone speaks not just to the hands that hold it but to the eyes that meet it Amina look upon the stone it was Nia her eyes gleaming with a peculiar mix of fear and excitement Amina lifted her gaze to meet jungo her eyes then dropping to the Moonstone at that moment the stone flickered violently and then went dark gasps filled the air jeno's face turned Ashen amina's eyes met the crowds and in that moment they all knew Jango was not the true father the silence was shattered by Nia's maniacal laughter you see even the best laid plans falter before the will of the spirits in the aftermath of the failed ritual The Village was consumed by a volatile mix of disbelief anger and Urgent curiosity the elders called for immediate council meeting its atmosphere charged with tension thicker than the humid night air Nia was the first to speak her voice dripping with a blend of regret and Revelation my fellow villagers we've been entangled in a web of Deceit the spirits have spoken through the Moonstone Jango is not the true father however this should be a time of Awakening not division the council erupted into a cacophony of argument and accusations finally the Chief Elder mbaka Rose his age-old wisdom commanding silence enough he boomed The ancestral Spirits are not pleased with our Folly we must seek the truth and not let division tear us apart turning to Amina he said you've invoked the spirits and unearth a terrible truth what do you propose we do now amina's voice was firm I propose another ritual one that cannot be tampered with let every man in the village come forth and take an ancestral Oath by the river of Truth there they will declare their paternity and the river a Divine witness will reveal the true father the council agreed setting the ritual for the following Dawn no one slept that night their dreams disturbed by Whispers of Scandal and Winds of Change as the first light of dawn broke the village gathered by the river of Truth its Waters said to have been blessed by the gods one by one the men took the ancestral oath swearing their innocence or guilt finally it was D jango's turn he stepped forward his eyes meeting amina's in that moment Amina saw a flicker of something was it regret or perhaps a silent plea for forgiveness Jen o dipped his hand into the river solemnly reciting the oath as he spoke the waters around his hand turned ominously but did not change color the sign of a truthful oath the crowd was in suspense awaiting a Divine sign just then a cry erupted from the back of the Gathering All Eyes turned to see a young man Mazi trembling as the waters around his submerged hand turned a radiant gold the IR utable sign of Truth recognized in Divine rituals Mazi son of OKO Elder mbaka announced you are the true father of Tariq as declared by the river of Truth a collective gasp swept through the crowd Mazi was one of the most reclusive men in the village known for his quiet nature and rarely involved in communal Affairs as Mazi hesitantly stepped forward amina's eyes eyes met his in that brief connection she saw flashes of integrity and sincerity characteristics she had yearned for but not found until now the revelation of MAZI as the true father shook the very foundations of the village murmurs echoed among the crowd as MAZI approached Amina and Tariq his eyes full of humility and a quiet kind of strength Elder MBAKA stepped forward his presence silencing the crowd the river of Truth has spoken MAZI is the father and we must honor this Divine verdict he looked towards JANGO and Nia his eyes narrowing as for those who led us astray they shall face the Council of Elders for their actions MAZI took his place beside Amina and Tariq in that moment am felt a new chapter in their lives was about to begin one marked by honesty respect and love things that had been so lacking in her recent past as the rightful father I will do my best to live up to this responsibility MAZI declared his voice tinged with genuine resolve the villagers dispersed their hearts and Minds churning with a blend of relief curiosity and lingering doubt the atmosphere was electric and a sense of anticipation filled the air it was clear that things would never be the same again that evening the Council of Elders met in an emergency session to discuss the fate of JENO and Nia the chamber was tense as Elders weighed the implications of their decision finally they arrived at a verdict JENO was stripped of his title and Status mandated to perform Public Service as a sign of atonement Nia was banished from her role as Oracle her position to be filled by a new Seer chosen through Divine consultation both faced The Village the next day to publicly apologize for their deceit there was a palpable air of disgrace around them but also an undertone of tragedy a reminder that even well-intended actions can lead to disastrous outcomes when they deviate from the path of Truth the prophetic words that Tariq was born to lead seem to be materializing as the village prospered in unexpected ways crops yielded more disputes among villagers lessened and a newfound Unity took root even JENO humbled by his Public Disgrace found a path to Redemption through sincere atonement and Nia though stripped of her title began a quiet life of reflection her wisdom no longer mingled with manipulation thus in a village that had been shaken to its core a new dawn emerged brighter wiser and full of Promise while challenges would undoubtedly arise the community had been fortified by the Irreplaceable Virtues Of Truth and unity and that made all the difference and so Amina MAZI and Tariq stood at the threshold of a promising New Life their hearts aligned with the enduring wisdom that truth once revealed has the power to heal unique and Herald a brighter future .
By mohamed el hddad4 days ago in Families
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