Transforming PTSD into Triumph

When you have a major event happen in your life that literally has you wanting to give up, to throw in the towel and want to die, you have 2 choices, to persevere and live, or go and want to give in and die. This was me almost 5 years ago, I was broken, shattered a mess, full of scars internally and externally, abused physically, mentally and sexualy. I wanted to die, especially after the last straw, in which my youngest and closest "little" brother passed away at 39. I did not see a reason to live, felt I killed him, the blame over took me as well as the physical and emotional pain of losing him.

For years I blamed myself as we use to drink together underage, and then as we both turned 21, we were the epitome of the theme song to the Golden Girls, we were 4 years apart and we shared countless nights of sharing our deepest and darkest secrets and yearnings, even after we both got married, and I had children. He was my protector, my "little" brother a foot and 2 inches taller than me. We made an oath to always be there for each other, and well we allowed family to step in between us and for 3 years we didn't speak, and then, due to him becoming very ill, we reconnected and for the next 8 months we lived on the phone with each other, little did I know that he knew he was dying. Yes, my "little" brother due to losing a part of his right hand in an accident at work became addicted to over the counter medicine and then alcohol and heavy drugs to ease the pain. He stopped and for 8 months he remained sober, and I was so proud of him!! He transformed himself as well, and we had a great future planned together, with my children. That was until he went into a coma on July 6th 2015 and passed away on July 11th. My world ended when I was on the phone, and told him it was ok to let go, that the kids and I loved him and would be ok without him. He let go at 2:22pm and yes, part of me died with him. I knew he was in so much pain and that if he survived he never would be the same.

I went into a deep depression which no one knew or saw, as I held it in until, on May 16th, 2017 a man, pointed to me and said "You are meant to be happy". Right then and there, my life changed and the transformation of the woman I am today took place. Yes, I still tear up and always will when I speak of Michael, but I realize that with him passing, he unleashed the true me and assisted me in my healing and me stepping into who I am meant to be today. I am now on my way to being known as the Mystical Angel, who heals others with her energy, her eyes, and her voice, as well as being able to share messages from spirit and communicate with animals. Michael, is now my intuition and assists me wherever I go, who not only watches over me, and both of my children, he is also the one who greets others that are friends, or family to us. He also brings forth the messages for me to pass on and for me to work on myself.

The girl you see now, is still a transformation and is learning to break free of my chrysalis and allow my wings to fly and launch me into an amazing future, there are a few limiting beliefs I am working through to do so and then, watch out world!! I have a voice to be heard and others to reach before it is too late for them.

We all have this ability to thrive or die, and it is time for us to show the world our scars and raise awareness to PTSD and other scars we have and allow others to know that they are not alone and yes, that they matter and are loved by an amazing universe!