Too soon

You were just here. I was able to talk to you when I needed to. You filled a void in my life I felt I was missing. You became my momma. You loved me and cared about me when my own mother didn't. I didn't even get a chance to see you again or hug you one last time. Why momma, why?

Why did you have to take too many pills. Why did you have to go to sleep and never wake up again. I was just able to talk to you, next thing I know, you're gone. I wish I had taken you up on your offer to have dinner or spend time together outside of work.

We may have met because we worked at the same place, but you became more than just another coworker, you are my momma. I was struggling so bad myself, I isolated and it made me not talk to anyone. I wasn't ignoring you, ever. I just needed to get my head together. With all the people I have lost this year, your passing was and still is hard months later.

I feel like I could have done something to prevent you from taking too many pills. My heart shattered the day you passed, it shattered even more when the coroners report said you overdosed. Why momma? Could I have done something? Was I not there enough? Did I make you feel like I didn't care anymore? I think of all these things I may have been able to do differently, but that can't change the fact that you're now one of my guardian angels.

I'm sorry I wasn't there enough momma. I was trying to take your advice and take care of my mental health and stay in therapy. Things have been so hard, I have been needing my person I could talk to. I've been needing my momma. You meant so much to me. More than I have ever shown you. I will never get to show you either.

I tried to go say good bye momma. I made it there. I didn't stay long. Seeing your picture next to your box of ashes made me lose it. There are so many days I still want to message you and just talk to you. I haven't deleted your phone number or your friendship on social media. I know your daughter is taking care of your pages now, but it hurts seeing your name liking things, knowing it's not you anymore momma.

Everything has felt so heavy in my world since you've been gone. Another important part of me has been taken. First I lose my little boy a few years ago and this year I lose you. You may have only been in my life a couple years, but you were a big part of me. Just like my son, I only knew about him for a week before I lost him.

Now the two of you are more of my guardian angels. I never thought I could have a bond like we did. I don't know if I can ever find that bond again. You were getting better, or so I thought. You stopped drinking and smoking. You were taking care of your mental health and getting better. What did I miss? What signs were there? I only knew something was wrong when I didn't see your posts in a few days. I was about to go message you, the second I start going to, I see the worst news I could have gotten about someone who had a huge part in my life. I was so proud of you getting better momma.

I'm working towards my dream momma! Will you be there to see me achieve it? Will you love my sweet boy for me like you loved me? I will always love and miss you both.