To Dad on Father’s s Day.

My dad was my motivation to live, he was literally the reason why I woke up every morning, I was always excited to get a ride to school, I was glad when he made breakfast, I would sit at the counter and stare at how amazing he was, he would ask of how my night was, his exact words were “my butterfly, did you sleep alright?” I would smile and say “I sure did pops!” He would spin me around, fill my cheeks with kisses. It was same thing every morning, life was amazingly good at home.

I was always excited to get up, to tell DAD my dreams; of how I met cinderella and danced with her at the ball or when I met my Prince Charming and how he walked me down the aisle, wearing a golden armor. He would smile and say “you are my princess and I would always wear my armor to protect you” I loved his words, I always felt safe, he made me feel secured, he assured me that he would always be there, I was glad he was.

It happened so fast, I came home Dad was not in, he had a Doctors appointment, I can remember how scared I felt, Dad had always been a strong man, he was always healthy never had a migraine that an Aspirin could not take care of, Dad has never had a reason to visit a hospital. I knew something was wrong. Dad was not making breakfasts, Dad could not spin me around, Dad was so tired for kisses and stories of my dreams, he was always sleepy and tired. Once he told Mom he felt a lot of pain, he said it bitterly, I couldn’t help but cry, I cried because I could not help, I cried again because Dad wouldn’t let me in, Dad didn’t say he had Cancer.

Words couldn’t express how scared I felt, my 10 year old self knew daddy might not survive and it hurt me a lot. My tears flowed every night in the dark, my pillows drenched with my tears. I was not looking up to the mornings any more, I only wanted to sleep till Dad was okay to make breakfasts again. Our once sunshine filled home turned Sad and quiet. Mummy asked us to pray and keep praying. I prayed to my fairy God mother to help Daddy, I made a wish to my tooth fairy to help Daddy in exchange for braces, I don’t mind having bad dentition.

I guess all wishes aren’t granted as Dad passed on, a month after my eleventh birthday. Misery filled the air in our home, breakfasts were skipped, Dads favorite omelette pan rusted, we never had dinner dates as we used too.

To Dad, I’ve always loved him, I’m grateful for all the time we spent together, I’m grateful for the memories he gave, I will never forget how he calls me his princess and how he made me feel secure. He was my first love, when he was in the room nothing else mattered. My Dad was the perfect example of “Fathers love” no kind of love beats his asides that of God.

Daddy dearest, your little girl still remembers, she’s grown and strong just like you were. I feel so sad celebrating Father’s Day without you, I can’t wait to see you again, I have a million things to say, a thousand stories to tell. I wish to see the smile on your face as you listen. Your smiles were always the brightest thing in the room. I would really love to be spun around again, I would really love you to walk me down the aisle, I would really love to have breakfast with you, I would really love to have omelettes.

To my first love, I miss you so dearly.

Your daughter, Victoria.