Tips to Tell Your Children That You Are Getting Divorced

Deciding to get divorced can be hard enough. However, telling your children can be even worse! It can be hard trying to figure out exactly what you should tell them. You don't want to mess anything up! 

Struggling with what to say? Here are some tips to help. 

Don't have the talk by yourself. If you are serious about co-parenting and having a good relationship with your ex and your children, you need to have the conversation together. No matter how busy and overwhelmed you both are, you need to sit down and talk to your children together! 

Know what you want to say. Before you even sit down with your children, you need to know what you are going to say. You shouldn't just wing it. You don't want to blow this talk. 

It is often helpful if you sit and talk with your spouse so that both of you know what the plan is. It might be just as good to know what you don't want to say, as it is to know what you want to say! 

Don't put the blame on your spouse. Too many parents pit their children against each other. They blame everything on the other person, in front of their children. However, this makes your children pick sides, which can harm their relationship with their other parent! 

Keep it simple. Your children don't need to know everything that is going on. In fact, a simple "we are getting divorced" may be enough. This is especially true if your children are young. 

It may be enough to tell them that you can't live together anymore. Other than that, they don't really need to know anything else. 

No matter what happens, you want your children to know how much they are loved. Unfortunately, many children blame themselves. They think that it is their fault and that they aren't loved. You need to make sure that your children know how much you really do love them. 

Answer their questions. Many children will have questions about the future. They may wonder about where they are going to live and what is going to happen to them. If you know the answer, you need to answer as truthfully as you can. If you don't know the answer yet, tell them that. 

And let them talk. Your children may be ready to talk right away. It is your job as a parent to listen to their concerns and help them through it. You should never be too busy to sit down and listen to what they are saying! 

Don't get mad if they walk away. Some children need time to process, so they may walk away and come back later. You should let them process their feelings, and just be there for them when they are ready. 

There are many books available for those who want to read a book to their children. Younger children who like to be read to may find plenty of books on the subject. These books may be able to help you find the words to say to your children. 

One such book is, Why Do Families Change?: Our First Talk About Separation and Divorce, is an example that you may want to check out. Please note, that this is an affiliate link where I will receive compensation if you buy the product.

Talking to your children about divorce can be one of the hardest things that you need to do. However, if you go in with a plan, it can be a whole lot better. This talk is also not something that you should do on your own. Your ex should be there with you, to show your children a united front! 

When talking about the divorce, you should never blame the other person. Instead, you should keep it simple. Let the children know that you just can't live together anymore. Answer any questions that they may have, but give them space if they need it. Your children may need a few minutes to take it all in.

Previously published by Medium.