Tips To Make Joint Custody Work

Divorce is never easy. Add in children, and it becomes even harder. Deciding on child custody can stall a divorce settlement pretty fast.

Joint custody is the best arrangement for your children. This allows both you and your ex-spouse time with them so that they have a relationship with both of you.

However, it isn’t always easy. Here are some tips to make joint custody work.

Think about the children first. Whenever you are raising children, it is important that you put them first. This is even more true when you are working with your ex-spouse to give them a good life.

Work with your ex-spouse in order to give your children everything that they deserve. If they need the children for a special event, allow him or her to take them. Hopefully, your ex will do the same for you.

Be realistic about joint custody. No matter how often you want your children, both of you need to be realistic. If you work every evening, there is no way that you can care for your children after school. If they have certain lessons that they do with one parent, they should be able to continue those, no matter whose day it is.

Find a way to communicate with your ex. Though you might not be able to have long conversations anymore, you are going to have to learn to talk to each other about your children and their lives.

Most divorced couples start communicating through email and text messages. After some time has passed, they are able to talk on the phone about their children and some are even able to spend time together at special events. This should be the goal so that your children can have both of their parents with them when it counts.

Don’t try to always be the fun parent. Parenting is never easy. It is even harder when one parent seems to be the fun one, and you have to be the one who does everything else.

Even if you can afford to take your children from one exciting thing to another, don’t. Spend time with them, doing things that you all enjoy, just don’t try to “win” your children’s attention.

Make sure that both of you continue to parent as a team, by setting similar rules that need to be followed. Both of you should help with homework and take them to doctor’s appointments and other things.

Don’t talk about each other in front of the children. Your children look up to both of you, and you shouldn’t do anything that might change that fact. Your children don’t deserve to be in the middle, so it is important that you keep your feelings to yourself.

Don’t forget to revisit custody when you need to. There are going to be times when you need to revisit your custody arrangement. If your children are young, you may need to revisit it when they start school. If you get a new job where you are going to be working different hours, you might need to make some changes. Once your children become a little older and more social with their friends, some of your arrangements may depend on their wants and needs.

If you want to do joint custody right, you need to put your children first. Good parents can be flexible and work together to come up with an arrangement that works best for everyone. They also know there will be times when the arrangement needs to be changed, and they are fine with it.

You are also going to have to find ways to communicate with your ex so that you are both on the same page about your children. And, whatever you do, you should never talk badly about each other in front of the children.

Previously published on Medium and/or Newsbreak.